A beginner’s guide to deep-throating, according to a sexologist

“Listen to your body and go at its own pace – over time it will trust you, and be able to go further and further.”

Like a lot of people, my first introduction to deep-throating was through porn. As a sexual act, it seemed aggressive, confronting and… painful? Granted at the time, I was probably (definitely) quite narrow-minded about sex. Initially, I thought to myself ‘Why would anyone want to do that?’. This was shortly followed by ‘How is she swallowing that penis up like a cobra snake?’.

I now know that most popular porn is largely made for – and by – men; the kind of men who are generally not well-informed about mutual pleasure. This doesn’t mean it can’t be fun to watch sometimes. And it turns out deep-throating is very much a real-life thing, and can provide a great time for all involved.

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As Sydney-based somatic sexologist, Alice Child, explained to me, “Often the most amazing deep-throat experiences are slow, intense, almost meditative experiences”. Below, she shares her advice for those interested in exploring the world of deep-throating.

For those who don’t know, what exactly is deep-throating?

Deep-throating is an advanced blowjob technique, which involves learning how to relax your body, control your breathing and distract your gag reflex. It’s where you learn how to take a penis or a dildo deeper into your throat. It can feel incredibly pleasurable and orgasmic for both the person giving and receiving!

Do you have any tips for first-timers?

Go slowly and help your body feel safe. When it comes to any form of enjoyable penetration into your body, your body has to feel really safe, relaxed and turned on in order to enjoy it. Think about how much better penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus sex feels when you’ve relaxed, gone slowly and really really want it. It’s no different with deep-throating!

Listen to your body and don’t push it too far. If you start to gag but force your body to push on and go deeper, it’s likely that the next time you try it, you will feel constricted or anxious and you will gag with even less depth. Listen to your body and go at its own pace – over time it will trust you, and be able to go further and further. If you don’t like the feeling of gagging, work out how deep you can go before you gag… [and] put a ring around the penis/dildo with fingers and go to that point.

Don’t use porn as education for how to deep-throat! Porn often shows it really fast, really hard and really intense. If this is your first time trying it, you will want to do the opposite. Often the most amazing deep-throat experiences are slow, intense, almost meditative experiences!

Open your mouth and say “Ahhhhh”. This vibrates the throat and helps it relax. Find your breathing rhythm – the thing penetrating your throat should be moving to enable you to breathe as it moves. Try inhaling through your nose and then exhaling through your mouth (“Ahhhh!”) as the penis penetrates. Then as it moves out, inhale again.

Experiment with different positions and speeds to help you find your rhythm. These are some good ones to try:

• Lie back on the bed with your head off the side as they stand at the side of the bed.
• Kneel between your partner’s legs as they lay down on the bed, so you can control the depth and speed.
• [Have] them sitting up, with you on your knees in front of them.

What can we expect when doing it for the first time?

You might gag, find it difficult to find a good rhythm, find it hard to breathe, or not be able to get out of your head and enjoy yourself. And that’s okay! Deep-throating takes time and practice, and it’s not for everybody. Some people simply don’t like the feeling, or have a very sensitive gag reflex. Very few people can do it on the first attempt! What’s important is doing it because you want to and because you find it sexy.

How can we talk about deep-throating with our partner?

If you are interested – send them this article! Chat about why it’s a hot idea for you (to give or receive) and listen to any concerns or apprehensions they have with love and compassion. Don’t push anything on them, but see if they are open to the idea of trying it slowly together. Ask if there is anything you can do to make them feel more comfortable and excited about the idea.

If you want to try it but feel nervous, be really clear with your partner beforehand on what your fears and boundaries are. For example, you might be fearful of vomiting on them! Chat about this, and agree on a position and pace that would make you feel most comfortable (eg. “I will try it on my knees so I can control the depth and speed, and will stop as soon as I start gagging beyond my control”).

Also if you accidentally push yourself too far and vomit, that’s okay! Accidents happen all the time! It’s good to talk about the risk of this happening and how you will both deal with that situation or what your fears are before you try it – [this will] help you relax in the moment.

For more sex and intimacy tips from Alice Child, head here.