What happens when your dream career isn’t what you expected? I asked a careers coach

You’re not the first to be catfished by a ‘dream job’.

We’ve all heard horror stories about people who start working their ‘dream job’ but find themselves utterly miserable. Maybe the company isn’t living up to their expectations, or perhaps they’ve been burdened with a Miranda Priestly-like boss who makes each day a living hell. But what happens when it’s the career itself that disappoints?

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If you find yourself in this particular pickle, don’t fret – it’s much more common a predicament than you might think. In search of some practical advice, I asked Australian podcaster and executive career coach Lara Nercessian what you should do when your ‘dream’ career isn’t what you expected.

Is it normal for a ‘dream role’ or ‘dream career’ to not be what you expected? 

It is a very common experience for a ‘dream role’ or ‘dream career’ to not turn out exactly as you had expected. Often, the glamour or illusion of what a role or career represents can overshadow the reality of what is. It can also be difficult to predict what something is until you have actually experienced it for yourself.

In my professional experience,  and in speaking to thousands of individuals about their career path and trajectory, I have seen individuals land a ‘dream job’ in a ‘dream company’, only to be disappointed that the glamour that is seen on the outside is not experienced on the inside. I have spoken to individuals who have compromised their personal values, been treated poorly and received significant underpayment because of the idea of what the ‘dream career’ represented.

I have seen individuals stay in a role that no longer brings them joy or fulfilment, because of the sunken-cost fallacy – a reluctance to pivot or course correct because of how much time they had invested into their career. Having a ‘dream role’ not be what you expected is a common experience and one that impacts many people at some point throughout the course of their careers.

Are there aspects of the ‘dream job’ mentality that can be harmful? How so? 

Like any role, there can be aspects of a ‘dream job’ that can be susceptible to psychosocial hazards and cause psychological harm. In a recent study, The McKinsey Health Institute found that the single biggest driver of negative employee outcomes is toxic workplace behaviour. Employees experiencing high levels of toxic behaviour at work were eight times more likely to experience burnout symptoms such as exhaustion, reduced ability to regulate emotional and cognitive processes and lack of engagement.

Additionally, the study showed that burned-out employees were six times more likely to quit within three to six months. Being attuned to and effective management of psychosocial hazards such as bullying and harassment, discrimination, excessive stress and working excessive hours is paramount in maintaining mental health and wellbeing.

Before calling it quits and resigning, what are the steps to take if you’re feeling unsettled in your role? 

If you are feeling unsettled in your role, I would recommend taking the following steps:

• Gain clarity on your vision and what is important to you, so that you understand whether your current role is conducive to your longer-term vision and ultimately who you want to become.
• Identify what matters to you, and what the underlying issue is. Is this something that can be resolved? Is this something that will show up again in your next role, once the novelty of the new role wears off? Gain clarity on what you actually need in order to feel settled and fulfilled in your role.
• Have a conversation with your manager, to inform them of how you are feeling and what your ask is. Is there an opportunity to negotiate a higher salary? Are you seeking mentorship or support? Have a respectful conversation with your manager, to see whether anything can be done.

It is important to note that in the event your requests cannot be met or you cannot reach an agreement and decide to resign, make sure that it is done with a high level of integrity and professionalism. Whilst first impressions matter, so too do lasting ones.

If you leave an industry that you thought you were going to be in forever, how do you start rebuilding a career? What are the next steps you recommend? 

I believe it is important to acknowledge that whilst many people believe they will be in an industry forever, the research shows otherwise. A recent study published in the World Economic Forum demonstrated that Americans hold an average of 12 jobs by the time they are 55. Additionally, the research showed that as a society, we are now entering an era in which most of the population won’t just have one career, but many.

When it comes to rebuilding a career, it is my recommendation to engage in conversations and seek mentorship from those who embody the type of career you wish to cultivate. Seek to understand their favourite and least favourite aspects of what they do, what they found surprising about stepping into the industry and any advice they wish they had received at the beginning of their journey. I also recommend testing the waters, before making a giant leap of faith. Is there something you can try or experience on the side, whilst still maintaining your current role?

I would recommend gaining experience, even if it is for free, to determine whether the new role or industry you are pursuing is aligned with your expectations. Additionally, with the rapid change in employment and to best prepare for multiple career changes, it is recommended that individuals embrace the concept of growth and evolution over the course of their lifetimes. Investing in skills such as emotional intelligence, leadership and communication will continue to be enormously valuable, irrespective of what industry or career you pursue.

For more on finding a job you love, head here.