Is it ethical to keep a partner’s nudes after the relationship ends? 

“People deserve the right to give or take consent to their sexual acts whenever they want, which means you don’t own these images.”

When we talk about what happens to nudes after a relationship ends, these conversations tend to focus on the worst-case scenario – revenge porn or image-based abuse. But what are the ethics when it comes to keeping intimate images of an ex-partner purely for yourself? 

Does the consent a former partner’s nudes were shared under expire with the relationship? Or do those images become another keepsake from that chapter of your life, destined to collect digital dust?

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“There isn’t a clear yes or no answer as to whether it’s ethical,” says sexologist Sarah Lorrimar. “It depends on the people involved, your past and existing relationship and, most importantly, how and when consent has been given.”

Rather than offering a blanket rule for keeping vs deleting a partner’s nudes post-breakup, Sarah suggests asking yourself a few questions regarding your motive and intent for potentially clinging onto those images.

“When your ex sent the photos, were they explicitly for you? Why are you keeping the photos? What do you intend to do with the photos? What is their purpose? How would you feel about your ex keeping nudes once your relationship has ended? How would you feel two weeks after the breakup? What about two years?

“Personally, when I think back to my exes, I don’t love the idea of them having my nudes because it fills me with uncertainty,” she says. “I don’t know a lot of them anymore, we no longer share that intimacy and trust and I only want people I can place that confidence in to have access to the vulnerable aspects of myself.”

Relationship psychotherapist Jodie Goddard agrees there is no clear-cut answer for whether it is or isn’t ethical to keep a partner’s nudes beyond the lifespan of the relationship. She also recommends interrogating why you might want to hold onto these images and how your ex-partner would feel about you doing so. 

“[Ask yourself] has your ex-partner consented to you keeping these intimate images after the ending of your relationship? Was the original intention for them to be seen and used for pleasure only for the duration of the relationship? What is the purpose for you to keep these intimate images now and how would your ex-partner feel about this purpose?” she says.

Both Sarah and Jodie agree consent is key here – as with anything relating to sex – and checking in with your ex about what they would like you to do with their nudes when you go your separate ways is paramount.

“The best practice is to have a respectful and explicit conversation with your ex-partner. If they consent to you keeping intimate images of them and you are both aware the intention is that you can continue to use them for current pleasure, then it may be an ethical choice. We all deserve the dignity of choice… ” says Jodie. 

“People deserve the right to give or take consent to their sexual acts whenever they want, which means you don’t own these images. You don’t get to decide what happens with these, without that person’s consent,” explains Sarah. 

“Whilst they may have consented at one time, [it] doesn’t mean they consent to you accessing these images forever. It’s important to check in with them. They may not have an issue at all with you keeping them but it’s important to know what they want. “You can simply ask, ‘What should I do with your nudes?’. If you feel uncomfortable asking, then you probably shouldn’t have them,” she adds. 

Every relationship is unique and a partner’s boundaries should never be assumed. A respectful, consensual relationship requires communication to ensure everyone is on the same page. 

Some partners may love the idea of you keeping their intimate images as a keepsake from the time you shared together, while others might expect you to hit delete as soon as the relationship ends. The only way to know for sure is to ask.

“There isn’t a perfect approach for relationships when it comes to sharing and keeping intimate images. However, it is imperative to have mutual consent when developing clear sexual security boundaries when a relationship ends [and] a new one starts,” says Jodie. 

As you enter new relationships, you also need to examine how your current partner may feel about you stockpiling your exes’ nudes. “… Consider future partners or other relationships, if you are polyamorous, and how they might feel about you keeping these intimate images and using them for your pleasure,” says Jodie.

“[This] is another reason to be curious about why you want to keep the photos and what you plan to do with them,” says Sarah. “Are they for sexual satisfaction or to reminisce on your old relationship? If the answer to that is yes, then is that the healthiest way for you to move on or be present in your new relationship?

“How would your current partner feel about you looking at your ex’s nudes? It’s different to looking at porn because you knew the person, there’s an emotional connection which adds a complexity when it comes to how comfortable a partner may feel,” she adds.

While having frank conversations around your needs and expectations can leave you feeling more vulnerable than baring your body on camera, it’s the best way to ensure your sex life is safe and fun for everyone involved. 

“It should be your choice what happens to your sexual images, whether that’s consensually shared with multiple people, kept indefinitely by your previous partners or something you want to remain explicitly for your relationship and deleted if that ends,” says Sarah. “All these options are okay, as long as you are giving informed consent and have the capacity to change your mind whenever you want.

“So, if you’re someone who owns nudes – think about how you’d want your own body and boundaries to be considered and respect people’s choices when it comes to their body.”

For advice on safely storing and sharing your nudes, head here.