How I’m navigating the festive season as a sober person

“When you start to look at alcohol through rose-coloured glasses and memories of sunshine-filled afternoons at the pub filter into your consciousness, you need to skip that scene forward.”

Full disclosure: this will be one of my first festive seasons sober. The holidays used to be my time to shine – and by ‘shine’ I mean mask my problematic drinking habits by proclaiming “It’s Christmas after all!”. This year, my festive season looks very different and I can’t deny that it’s a little daunting.

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That’s why I’m entering the festive season prepared and ready to navigate it confidently. It should be noted that my tips come from the perspective of someone who’s sober due to bad drinking habits. Not everyone who’s sober will be so for the same reasons – some might be pregnant, on medication and so on. However, there’s something for everyone in my festive-season game plan.

BYO

God bless the growing popularity of non-alcoholic wines, beers and spirits. In most bottle shops, some grocery stores and even some specialty non-alcoholic stores (there are ones in Perth, Sydney and Melbourne so far) there are endless options for booze-free beverages that you can bring to your next event.

When it comes to choosing your non-alcoholic beverage of choice for the festive season, make it special. The thought of tackling Christmas day surrounded by champagne-sipping relatives with nothing but a Diet Coke in my hand is depressing. What made drinking during the festive season particularly enticing was the celebratory nature of it, the sense that everything was an occasion. Channelling this energy into choosing your beverages can help make sobriety feel more exciting.

Most importantly, be prepared. Don’t rely on others to provide non-alcoholic options beyond soft drinks and water. If you’re going to a venue, have a look at the drinks menu online to see what is available. And if there aren’t any fun non-alcoholic options? My plan is to swallow my millennial inclination to not ‘bother’ any servers with requests, and ask them if they can make any of the cocktails booze-free. 

Exit stage left

I can be with my favourite people in the world, and I will still, inevitably, hit a wall at some point during an event and want to leave. Most of the time, this point will be before anyone else. If you’re sober, you need to be okay with leaving an event first. It won’t always happen, but it might, and accepting that before you go out is important. Having it already firmly in my head that it’s okay to crave bed at 10pm makes it easier to stand up to the external protests of tipsy friends. 

It also helps to have an exit strategy. I’m not above using excuses. “I have a deadline I have to meet”, “I have to be up early for a family thing” or “My cat needs me” – you’ll come up with your own, I’m sure. Just whatever works to get you out that door.

Support networks

Luckily for me, my partner isn’t a big drinker. This means I already feel less pressure to drink because I have someone alongside me who will also be sober. This kind of support can do absolute wonders for getting through the holidays. It doesn’t have to be someone who is physically there – even having someone that you can message when you might be struggling, or someone to call when you’re bored at an event and want to lament the drunk shenanigans occurring around you.

Find a friend who you trust, or even reach out to online communities. Support also creates accountability. You’re less likely to give in to that tempting glass of wine if you know there’s someone waiting for a check-in from you.

No is the sweetest word (sometimes)

In the same vein as leaving early, sometimes it’s okay to simply not go at all. The festive season can mean a jam-packed social calendar. This festive season I’m being selective about what I attend. I’m not feeling obligated to say yes to everything. In a world rife with FOMO, the pressure to be everywhere all at once is overwhelming.

But what if you miss out on something amazing? I’m here to reassure you that the chances of Harry Styles tearing up the dancefloor at a club in Bondi and all your friends seeing him on the one night you don’t go are pretty slim.

Play the night forward

On the subject of missing out, one of my biggest struggles during the holidays is feeling that by not drinking, I won’t be having as much fun as everyone else. The media we consume is saturated with imagery of laughing people clutching cold, alcoholic drinks that are dripping with alluring condensation. When we think of a gathering of friends, we think of bars, clubs and wineries. The message is loud and clear: alcohol equals fun. And sometimes, when the sun is shining, there are Christmas lights twinkling and people wearing Santa hats, you feel left out.

If you’re sober because you’ve had issues with drinking, there’s a tip I’ve learnt that helps in these situations. The saying in sober communities is ‘play the night forward’. Basically, when you start to look at alcohol through rose-coloured glasses and memories of sunshine-filled afternoons at the pub filter into your consciousness, you need to skip that scene forward. So you skip to the end of the night. You know the part – the part where there are blank spots in your memory and a sinking realisation that your behaviour will have you cringing for days (or years) after.

Now play your sober night forward. You go home, you go to bed and your cat/dog/partner/child maybe snuggles up next to you. You wake up, hangover free. You remember your whole night. You smile, and you have a whole brand new day ahead of you.

This article was originally published on December 14, 2022.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, eating disorders or addiction, you can contact the following:

Lifeline 13 11 14
Alcoholics Anonymous 1300 222 222
Narcotics Anonymous 1300 652 820