What kind of sex is Gen Z really having? I asked 17 Fashion Journal readers

“We’re constantly confronted with expectations of how we should feel and how high our sex drive should be. I think we all feel like we have to overcompensate at some point.”

Over the last few years, a series of studies have fuelled the concept of Gen Z ‘puriteens’ – young people opting to have less sex (or go without completely) in comparison to their millennial and boomer counterparts.

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In contrast, it’s also widely regarded as the generation of sex positivity and liberation. So what kind of sex are 18 to 25-year-olds having, really? To find out, I asked 17 Gen Z Fashion Journal readers to share their thoughts on sex.

Montana*, 21, she/her

I would like to be having sex, although it’s been two and a half years since I last did. So apart from self-pleasure with my vibrator (and the good old-fashioned way), my sex life is currently non-existent.

I’m not desperately needing to have sex (I’ve gone this long haven’t I?) but it would be nice to experience it again with someone I trust and am attracted to. I think my sex drive is quite high at the moment because it’s been a while since I’ve had sex. Then again, it’s been so long that I’m not sure what my libido would be like once I was in the situation of having sex (as a one-time or ongoing thing).

Lou*, 18, she/her

My thoughts towards sex aren’t all that deep. It’s kind of counterintuitive to believe sex must only be had between two heterosexual, married individuals… sex is literally just sex. My sex life is pretty rampant. Sex is fun and I like having it… I’ll have several guys over in one week if that’s how I feel.

Or I won’t have sex for like a month. I’d probably say my sex drive is higher than average. Sex makes me feel desirable and genuinely pretty good about myself. I reckon it’s funny when I’m on a night out and I just see a bunch of guys I’ve slept with.

Emery*, 24, she/they

I have a ‘roster’ of about five people that I casually have sex with. And I’ve only been with those five people over the past two years. I don’t want a relationship currently but I get a lot of anxiety around the vulnerability of a sexual relationship.

I just find it easier to continue to have sex with only people I know well. I get turned on often, but would rather masturbate than have sex. The whole process of sex (showering, shaving, meeting up with someone, making moves) is just a lot of energy. By the time I’m done with all that, the horny demon in me has left.

Spencer*, 21, he/him

When I was single, I wasn’t too fussed about sex. I certainly wouldn’t chase it on a night out. But now that I’m in a relationship, I feel it’s important for us to assert attraction to one another. It evokes passion in ways you don’t show with others (if monogamous).

The fact that both my and my girlfriend’s sex drive is higher than average contributes to that. We’re both pretty easily excitable but I think that’s where that sustained passion plays a factor… and we both love to please.

Lina*, 18, she/her

I love sex. I had pretty terrible casual sex before I met my boyfriend but we really know each other and [I] have great sex now. We also use toys and explore our kinks. We’re very communicative which I love. I usually have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend.

Nia*, 23, she/her

I love sex. I feel very grateful to have not been raised religious or conservative; to be able to easily see [sex] as something to enjoy. I have access to healthcare and view pregnancy as a choice, making sex just a fun activity. My sex life reflects these ideals.

I’m motivated by the idea that we’re young and if we want to, we should have as much sex as we like in whatever format we like. My sex drive isn’t consistently low but there are periods of time where I feel more impacted by the world and less like doing fun, saucy things. For context, I’m straight and have been with the same partner for six years, although we don’t live together.

Valentina*, 22, she/her

I had a super high sex drive in my last relationship but started to lose it as I was thinking of ending the relationship. Now I don’t have as high of a drive for sex with other people (I think because I’ve had some bad experiences with one-night stands) but still use sex toys alone most nights.

Quinn*, 20, she/her

I’d say I’ve been super open to trying new things and sleeping with different people. But I think I’m starting to realise that it feels a lot better (for me) to have a sexual relationship with one person for a period, rather than jumping from person to person.

To be honest, I’d rather not have sex at all until I find someone more long-term. That way, all the awkwardness with random people is avoided and I end up feeling more comfortable in my body.

Farrah*, 21, she/her

My sex life? Practically non-existent, unless we’re talking solo. I have so much solo sex and I like it that way. I’ve only just recently had penetrative sex with another person and before that [I’d only had a] very bad drunken experience with oral.

I can confirm that I liked my most recent encounter… but to be fair I don’t have a lot of experience. I’m all for others having sex if they feel good! Otherwise, there’s no point. I’m sure it’s different for those without anxiety. But for me, why would I want to be so intimate with someone only to walk around having flashbacks and thinking ‘Shit, why did I do that?’.

I will admit, since turning 18, the idea of being the last person I know to have sex has been weighing on me. I definitely put a lot of pressure on myself consciously and unconsciously to ‘just do it’ these past few years but since having sex, I honestly wouldn’t be too fussed if it’s another few years before I do it again.

Lee*, 21, she/her

It would depend on the mood. I value having an intimate connection and don’t enjoy sex with someone I’ve just met. My sex life is pretty active but I sometimes overthink. I’d say my libido is right on average or just below… it can be difficult for me to get out of my own head.

Jules*, 18, she/her

I love sex and I’ve had mostly positive experiences. I’ve only had sex with men so far. My sex life is good. My libido is probably higher than average. I grew up in a really open and accepting household, luckily.

Vesna*, 25, she/her

I’m very sexually active and very sex-positive. I j’adore sex. I’m experimenting a lot more now with different people and in a way, sex has become fun for me.

Nadia*, 24, she/her

I love sex! Especially with my partner, it’s very loving and fun. I’m in a very sex-positive relationship. He’s very much into making sure my pleasure is at the forefront, even over his. We’re able to be very open and communicative which I’m very appreciative of. We live a few hours apart, so only see each other every other week but it’s a very integral part of our relationship.

Imani*, 21, she/her

My partner and I do long distance and we have a great sex life – the best we’ve both ever had. I think it’s because we share a genuine connection (which can be hard to find in this oversaturated, extremely sexualised world). I think I perceive my sex drive as lower than what it really is because of media, television, etc.

We’re constantly confronted with expectations of how we should feel and how high our sex drive should be. I think we all feel like we have to overcompensate at some point, or that we aren’t enough. We constantly feel like we’re being judged, by both ourselves and others.

Sofia*, 24, she/her

I had a zany sex life pre-2021 and I think the long lockdown really effed it up! Now I‘m starting from baby steps again. At the moment, my libido is lower than it’s been in the past. I work really hard and have a lot of stress associated with that, so that‘s my main priority.

Tilly*, 21, she/her

I’m so attracted to the idea of sex and I think it’s really fun. I really do crave physical intimacy. But I just can’t bring myself to bother going out and getting it and most of the time I don’t feel particularly fussed about not having it.

I essentially don’t have a sex life – I’ve had sex only twice, both times just hookups on a night out. I do wonder if my sex drive is lower than average but it’s hard for me to believe it is. I really do think I’m such a sexual person. My sex drive just isn’t enough to make me want to actually go out and find another person to have sex with.

Zuri*, 24, she/her

I’m definitely less promiscuous and risky than I once was. I’ve been engaging in some sugaring due to the state of the economy and for that reason, dating is relatively off the table for now. It’s actually kind of relieving. I still love my vibrators.

My sex drive used to be comparatively high but the stressors of the pandemic – and feeling stuck in relationships – drastically affected it. I’d say my libido is now back to average, although I crave masturbation more than I do actual sex.

For more on Gen Z’s attitudes towards love and sex, head here.