I want a career mentor, how exactly do I find one?

“Will you be my mentor?”

As a youngest sibling, I’ve always craved the wisdom (and approval) of people who seem to have it more figured out. When it comes to mentorships, the Liz Lemon–Jack Donaghy dynamic on 30 Rock is basically my dream: blunt, steely-eyed advice from someone in a suit. Nigel Kipling comes a close second.

We have formal education, and we lean on friends, family and colleagues, but who’s getting the real, behind-the-scenes guidance? The kind that teaches you how to negotiate your rates, or navigate the unspoken rules of a photoshoot set?

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I hear people casually say, “they’re a mentor to me,” and I nod along, pretending I know what that actually means. The truth is, the whole concept mystifies me. Is it formal? Do you ask? Or does it just… happen?

Of course, I’ve absorbed invaluable lessons working alongside talented colleagues, but I like the idea of a designated source of guidance. To understand how these relationships actually form, I spoke to six women who’ve experienced mentorship from different angles.

What a mentor really offers

A mentor isn’t just a sounding board for career dilemmas. At its best, it’s a relationship that can actively shape your trajectory. New Zealand-based career coach, Poppy O’Dowd explains that the value lies in both perspective and experience.

“A good mentor will offer their mentee valuable insights, often directly drawn from their own mistakes, along with new ideas and options the mentee may not have considered,” she says. “They will be your role model and safety net, helping you think through potential roadblocks and raise possible hurdles that you may not have anticipated.”

A mix of reassurance and honesty is part of what makes mentorship distinct. As Australian career coach Kate Richardson puts it, mentors bring lived experience to the table. “They’ve been there and got the T-shirt,” she says, making them uniquely placed to guide someone along a similar path.

“Want to start a fashion label? Who better to share insights and advice than someone who started a business from their bedroom five years ago and knows the good, bad and ugly of what it takes to get something like that off the ground,” advises Kate. 

It doesn’t have to be formal

Part of the confusion around mentorship is that it rarely follows a set structure. While some arrangements are clearly defined, many evolve over time in a much more natural way.

“I view them as different roles but sharing a lot of the same features,” Poppy says, comparing mentors and career coaches. “Mentors tend to be unpaid and offer guidance for a comfortably gradual, long period of time, while career coaches tend to provide one-off solutions or direct advice.”

For Melbourne writer and podcast host Jasmine Wallis, mentorship grew out of an existing working relationship. “My main mentor is my former managing editor, Giulia Brugliera. We began the relationship when I was an intern at Fashion Journal,” she says, describing a dynamic that has continued to evolve over years.

“I speak with Giulia when I have a work question or am in a career pivot… I value her opinion a lot. She’s seen me grow in my career over the past seven years so knows my work ethic and personality.” The relationship is informal but consistent and, as Jasmine notes, grounding. “Having a mentor in my corner gives me confidence and also humility because I definitely don’t know it all.”

Who can be a mentor?

The idea of a mentor as someone distant or senior can be limiting. “A mentor can be anyone with more experience and knowledge in your sector,” Poppy says. “It doesn’t have to be someone very senior, just someone who is a few steps ahead and understands the path you’re on.”

Kate echoes this, suggesting that looking beyond the traditional corporate ladder can open up more meaningful connections. “Don’t just go for the hierarchy,” she says. “Sometimes people working alongside you or in a more junior role can provide great advice.”

She also encourages moving away from the idea of a single, all-knowing mentor. “Rather than thinking about a single mentor, you can think about developing informal relationships with a few people,” she explains, pointing to the value of multiple perspectives and a more balanced dynamic.

“Don’t propose on the first date”

If mentorship doesn’t always happen organically, there’s still the question of how to initiate it. The instinct to ask outright can be strong but (much like dating), timing and approach matter.

“It all starts with a connection,” Kate says. “You need time to develop a relationship… I had someone ask me to mentor them 15 minutes after meeting me and of course I said no as I didn’t even know the person and I wasn’t expecting them to make that request. Don’t propose on the first date.”

A more considered approach tends to land better. “Research the people in your industry who are where you want to be in the future,” Jasmine suggests. “They’ve taken the steps themselves to get there, so may be able to help guide you.”

When it comes to reaching out, clarity and respect go a long way. “Everyone is busy,” Jasmine adds. “I’d reach out with a loose structure on what you need from them and how frequently you’d like to chat… and no matter what, always pay for the coffee.”

Mentorship is a two-way street

From the outside, asking for someone’s time and insight can feel like a big imposition. But for many mentors, the motivation is rooted in their own early experiences.

“I remember how desperately ambitious and determined I was when I started university,” says writer and publicist Genevieve Phelan. “When someone gave me a chance or took time out of their insane schedule to meet with me for an hour, it meant the world.”

That sense of reciprocity continues to shape how she approaches mentoring now. “I like to think that carving out time… is giving back and operating in a way that younger me would feel proud of,” she says. “I’ve witnessed meet-cutes with younger women turn into lengthy friendships and thriving working relationships.”

While approaching someone more senior can be intimidating, “One thing to remember is that people really liked to be asked for their advice,” explains Kate. “And they also like to know when you’ve followed it. So make sure to communicate the action you’re taking with your mentor.”

Where to find a mentor

If mentorship is built on connection, then putting yourself in the right environments matters. For marketing manager Sunny Chisholm, in-person industry events can be a powerful starting point for exactly that reason, especially when they’re designed with community in mind.

“Everyone tells you to network but very few people tell you what that actually looks like in practice,” she says. “You’re in a room with people who share your interests, your industry and often your ambition, so the hard part is already taken care of.”

Sunny has been working alongside her friend Bronte Chandler, founder of The Hot Girl Marketing Club, a networking community for “girls, gays and theys” in marketing that has hosted sold-out events in London and more recently, Melbourne and Sydney.

“These events become a kind of modern-day version of that ‘golf course’ – a space where connections happen more naturally,” she says. “You might not walk in and immediately find a mentor, but you will meet people with different experiences, perspectives and ideas. And often, that’s how it starts.”

Structured programs can offer another entry point. Art director Bryony Platings points to initiatives like AWARD School, where junior creatives work closely with industry professionals like herself. “I’d highly recommend this to anyone who’s looking to get into the industry or wanting to switch up their career. You get weekly tutor sessions with experienced creatives who are actively working in the industry,” she says. 

She also highlights Assisterhood, an organisation that connects emerging creatives with established industry leaders through a structured mentoring program, designed to support women in the industry.

Will you be my mentor?

A key takeaway is that mentorship doesn’t usually come about from a single, clearly defined moment. Rather it’s something that builds over time through conversation, trust and shared experience. It can be formal but more often it’s fluid, shaped by the people involved and what they need from each other.

“It all starts with a connection,” Kate says, a reminder that the process is less about finding the perfect person and more about staying open to the relationships already forming around you.

The Liz Lemon–Jack Donaghy dynamic might still be my dream, but in reality, mentorship is often quieter and more incremental. It’s the colleague you turn to for advice, the former manager who still picks up your call, or the person you met once at a Hot Girls in Marketing event who becomes a regular sounding board. 

For more on finding a career mentor, try this.