I asked a sex therapist about the difference between an internal and external orgasm

“Orgasms, like the humans who have them, are complex.”

If we know anything about the female orgasm, it’s that we don’t know about the female orgasm. Can everyone have one? Are there different kinds? What is a ‘normal’ orgasm? And perhaps most importantly, how exactly do we get there?

It’s a widely accepted narrative that only some vulva owners can reach an internal orgasm, meaning they climax from penetration. But is this actually true? In a bid to close the orgasm gap and understand more about the female anatomy, I spoke to Christine Rafe, sex therapist and Lovehoney Ambassador.

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It turns out physiologically, there’s actually no difference between an internal and an external orgasm. “An orgasm is the involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor muscles and is often accompanied by a release of physical and sexual tension, and pleasurable sensations… although this may not be the experience of every person,” Christine says.

“Both internal and external orgasms are the same from a physiological sense (i.e. they both include involuntary muscle contraction and release), so ‘internal’ and ‘external’ are related to the type of stimulation that resulted in the orgasm.“

Christine explains that external stimulation resulting in orgasm is considered a clitoral orgasm, and internal stimulation resulting in orgasm is considered to be a vaginal orgasm. “External orgasms typically result from stimulation of the clitoral glans, located under the clitoral hood at the top of the vulva. Each vulva is unique… so there’s no one ‘correct’ way to touch a clitoris,” she continues.

“Many vulva owners describe peak internal pleasure from the stimulation of the ‘G-spot’, which is where the internal structure of the clitoris (the clitoral shaft and bulbs), and the urethral sponge can be stimulated. Both the clitoris and the urethral sponge have clustered nerve endings that support sensitivity and pleasure.

“Current research on vaginal orgasms has found that less than 20 per cent of vulva owners describe being able to orgasm from internal stimulation alone. Most require external stimulation or a combination of both,” Christine says. That’s 80 per cent of vulva owners who have never experienced an internally stimulated orgasm, but does that mean they physically can’t?

According to Christine, the answer is no. “With the exception of those who may have experienced trauma to their genital area which has impacted nerve sensitivity or anatomy of the clitoris and vagina (whether that be through injury, traumatic childbirth or genital mutilation), I believe all vulva owners can experience orgasms.

“Currently the research suggests that approximately 10 per cent of vulva owners have not yet experienced their first orgasm… this does not necessarily mean that they are physically unable to orgasm, but that there may be other factors influencing their orgasmic potential.”

Those factors can be social, cultural, relational and/or psychological. Orgasms, like the humans who have them, are complex. Christine explains there are several barriers to orgasm, including sex-negative cultural beliefs, a lack of understanding of pleasure needs and difficulty with letting go physically. Other examples are environmental or psychological distractions, medications that impact sex drive, feeling pressured and not taking enough time to fully arouse.

I find this last factor to be particularly true for internal orgasms, which can take more time. The physiological process of arousal for a vulva owner shows that on average, it takes 17 minutes for a vagina to be ‘ready’ for penetration. This allows enough time for the clitoris to fully engorge with blood, which allows maximum pleasure internally (the clitoris becomes erect as a penis does, but most of this happens internally).

At this stage you might be wondering – if internal and external orgasms are physiologically the same, why can they feel different? “Not all orgasms are created equal, and they aren’t always like what we see in movies and TV,” Christine explains. “Orgasms can range from an explosive release of full-bodied pleasure to a neutralising of pleasure sensations (some people might describe this as feeling like pleasure reaches a plateau and eventually fades away).”

And there are more orgasm myths Christine wants to bust. “It’s a misconception that orgasms are essential for sexual satisfaction. This is not supported by the research and in fact, too much focus on orgasm can make sex (particularly with a partner) feel performative and pressured, which reduces sexual satisfaction,” she says.

“Also, [it’s a myth] that penetrative sex is the ‘real’ sex and that penetrative orgasms should be easy…. the clitoral glans (external clitoris) is considered the most likely way for a vulva owner to experience orgasm because there is direct access to the clitoris.” If you’re someone who hasn’t experienced their first orgasm, Christine wants you to know it’s perfectly normal.

“There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you. Consider the factors I’ve listed about what can influence orgasmic potential and see if you can address these. Practising solo touch to learn more about your pleasure can be a great way to experience orgasm and understand what you can do in a partnered situation… to increase the chances of [orgasm].”

If you’re looking to intensify your orgasm, start in your head. “Generally speaking, the longer we spend on arousal (which includes both physical stimulation and psychological), the more intense the release at orgasm will be. If you want to play around with orgasm and pleasure intensity, practice edging. Edging is allowing yourself to get close to orgasm, then backing off just before orgasm, and slowly building pleasure again… this is a great practice for internal touch as well as learning new ways to experience pleasure and orgasm.”

To book a session with Christine, head here.