All my friends are better looking than me, here’s what I’ve learnt

“Once you realise you’re never going to be the prettiest girl in the room, it can actually be quite freeing.”

Beautiful women often make people uncomfortable. Look at the complicated feelings Emily Ratajkowski seems to evoke from other women; there is a viral think piece written about her every other week. Beautiful women are worshipped, but they are also often hated and maligned.

So I don’t think there’s any point in denying that having beautiful friends can make even the nicest person feel uncomfortable. I mean, no one likes to admit that. But that’s the truth. Being surrounded by gorgeous people isn’t always great for someone’s ego.

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But in my experience, it’s really forced me to reconcile my relationship with beauty. I never set out to surround myself with particularly good-looking friends, but that is what’s happened. It’s partly because of the circles I run in, not that they are particularly glamorous.

My life is filled with fascinating and creative people, and when you’re interested in fashion, you tend to hang out with people that put time and thought into their appearance. In my case, I also have friends who are actually models.

In the beginning, when I was first making these gorgeous friends, it left me feeling like the unattractive friend. I constantly felt lesser. I was worried I was turning into the plain Jane best friend in a film about my own life. On the upside, having better-looking friends than you forces you to put your ego aside.

It makes you ask yourself questions, like, ‘If I’m not the prettiest girl in the room, who am I? What do I have to offer?’. It also makes you realise you don’t need to be the best-looking person in the room to still be a star.

Beauty is subjective, and we’re always harder on ourselves than anyone else. I realise I am attractive enough, but the naked truth literally stares me in the face. I have mates that are models, and I am not a model. I do not reach the heights of physical perfection that are currently deemed desirable.

For a while, being surrounded by so much beauty made me examine my own ugliness. But over time, I’ve learnt to embrace it. I realised I didn’t want to lose friendships just so I could feel better about myself. Instead, I realised I had to tackle my own insecurities head-on. Not to sound like Oprah, but having beautiful friends has been a real teaching moment.

It’s taught me that no matter how gorgeous you are, no one is really at peace with themselves. Beauty standards are designed so that no woman feels good enough. And the goalposts can constantly change. You can be a model, but you might feel unattractive because you don’t have a Kardashian’s bum.

So yes, while sometimes it’s harder to feel sympathy for your beautiful mate when they complain that they don’t feel hot or sexy, it’s kinda comforting to know we’re all going through the same stuff. Genetics can’t bless you enough to avoid that. It’s also taught me to really examine my own value. What do I bring to the table?

Society defines women so cruelly by our looks, and we spend our whole lives trying to perfect them. Yet it’s never quite possible, even for the most beautiful among us. But once you realise you’re never going to be the prettiest girl in the room, it can actually be quite freeing. You can begin to really lean into your much more essential attributes.

Am I funny? Am I smart? Am I kind? Am I the girl that knows the excellent restaurant recommendations or always has a spare tampon? In my opinion, these attributes are all more important than being beautiful. On a good day, I am all of these things, and on a bad day, I am just funny.

What I’ve learnt the most from having beautiful friends is that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, as cliche as it is to say. The things I love about my friends have nothing to do with their symmetrical faces, perfectly formed noses or cheekbones.

You tend to really love the other stuff – the crinkle in their nose, the puffiness of their cheeks, the weird scar above their eye. My friends look their most beautiful to me when they are laughing like hyenas.

Beauty really is only skin deep. I’ve looked into the souls of some beautiful people and realised they are not pretty at all. Taking people just at face value will never be good enough. Yes, it can be annoying having beautiful friends. I’m only human, and it’s hard not to compare.

But mostly, it’s taught me that beauty really doesn’t matter at all. What matters is how we feel about ourselves, how we treat others and how we make people feel. These are the things that really count. So if Emily Ratajkowski ever asked me to be her mate, I’d be down. I’d even take selfies with her!

This article was originally published on March 2, 2022.

For tips on how to feel comfortable in your own skin, try this.