Hear me out: Why it’s never ‘too late’ to move overseas

“It opens you up and makes you say yes but only if you’re ready for it.”

Jenny Tian is an Australian comedian who now lives in the US. This March and April, she’s heading back to Australia to tour her new show, ‘When Life Gives You Oranges’. You can find tickets here.

I had dreamt of living in New York City ever since I was a child. I was obsessed with the movie Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. To me, the city represented what everyone craves at some point in their lives: adventure.

Then, I turned 30. Everyone in their thirties would always say, “You spend your twenties being scared of turning 30, and then once you turn 30, it just feels like another year”. That wasn’t quite the case for me. I turned 30, freaked out and felt ancient. And to confirm it, the bouncers had stopped checking my ID.

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I came face-to-face with a huge list of milestones I hadn’t ticked off. I hadn’t found a partner. I was still living in a share house. Meanwhile, my friends were getting married, having kids and putting down home deposits. Responsible stuff. Surely, I’d missed the boat on living in New York City.

At that stage, I’d already done the most Australian thing ever: living in London. I arrived fresh off the plane with a cushion of savings, ready to embark on my solo adventure. A week later, my phone got snatched. I thought to myself, ‘This would never happen in Australia. (Don’t worry,I’ve since turned it into a comedy routine so I’m very glad it happened but at the time I was shaken).

Then, some of my work friends from back home started reaching out, telling me they’d also just moved to London. Together, we formed a small group and confided in our difficulties moving, like the way we struggled to find a flat, navigate the healthcare system, put up with the gloomy weather and how we found all Brits to be alcoholics.

And so, I learnt one of the great lessons of living abroad: you can’t do it alone. Find your people. With these friends, I travelled around Europe on weekends. We visited coasts, swam together and tried different cuisines. We endured winter and grey skies with each other.

It was hard but I’d officially done it. This was my life now. But this was all interrupted when I got the call from my agent telling me they’d finally been able to secure me a US Visa. That meant I could live in New York City.

I didn’t know whether I had it in me to do it again. But this was New York City… It’s where Sex and the City, Seinfeld and Home Alone 2 were all based. It was the perfect place for a 30-year-old to embrace being young and fun.

Whenever I’m in a slump, I do something a little weird… I watch college graduation speeches. Tim Minchin’s is fantastic, as is Lisa Kudrow’s and Conan O’Brien’s. But the one I always go back to is Jim Carrey’s. He speaks about how in life, you’re always choosing between love and fear. And I realised all these thoughts about being too old for another move were out of fear. I had to choose love.

 

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I arrived in New York City listening to Taylor Swift’s ‘Welcome to New York’ on repeat. I imagined dazzling lights, bars and parties. Yet as I landed, right in time for the fall, it was both muggy and cold – a sign. My first few weeks ended up being even harder than my ones in London.

I was living in an extremely dodgy neighbourhood where theft and crime were rampant. My Airbnb host smoked weed all day and I almost reported him for doing illicit drugs until I found out weed was legal in New York. Damn it! Why did New York have to be so cool?

I thought to myself, no stress. I’ll find a fellow group of Australians to trauma bond with and everything will be great, just like it was in London. I reached out to some acquaintances but they’d already been in New York for years. They’d forgotten the friction of arriving in the city and had already found their clique. Thankfully, my friends from back home gave me the emotional support I needed to survive.

After a few months, things started falling into place. They say it takes a full year to get settled into New York and I can confirm. New York changes you. It opens you up and makes you say yes, but only if you’re ready for it.

I’d say yes to events, strike up conversations with strangers and try new sports. I’d gone from hating physical activity to being someone who plays (and enjoys) pickleball.

I’ve also had career highs like hosting the Taskmaster Live experience (where I met John Oliver and Seth Meyers), performing at the Comedy Cellar and touring the United States. There’s a reason people around the world wear ‘I heart NYC’ shirts. It is an amazing city.

When I evaluate my circles of friends now, I don’t see myself as someone who’s fallen behind just because I’ve lived somewhere else. I also don’t see myself as irresponsible for having gone on a big detour in my thirties. I see myself as someone who, like Kevin McAllister in Home Alone 2, chose adventure and I don’t regret a single minute of it.

See Jenny on her Australian tour here.