How experiencing loss made me believe in signs from the universe

Words by Anna Mackenzie

“For the very first time, the door between me and spirituality was ajar.”

Over the last few years, I’ve started wandering down what some might call a spiritual path. It’s been quite a momentous personal journey, given I grew up in a secular household where spirituality wasn’t a hot topic of conversation at the dinner table. We didn’t intentionally avoid talking about it, my family just preferred to get into intellectually fuelled debates about politics.

It was partially due to this upbringing that I grew up dismissing anything remotely spiritual as woo-woo. Crystals and horoscopes felt fanciful and the idea of having a religious connection, while I respected those who did, was totally foreign to me. It was only after a family member passed away that I started wondering whether there might be something after our last breath.

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I began to question whether that final moment is really all that final or if it’s possible our journey might continue in a time or dimension we can’t see or even conceptualise. For the very first time, the door between me and spirituality was ajar and this newfound curiosity sent me into research overdrive. Devouring books and documentaries, I delved into the mind-boggling world of the big – the Big Bang, galaxies, supernovas and wormholes.

I also dove into the even more fascinating world of the small. Quantum entanglement, where two particles can be intrinsically connected no matter how many millions of light years apart they may be, near-death experiences and the notion of reincarnation fascinated me – topics I’d never dreamed of exploring before.

I began to think deeply about life’s many unanswered questions. What is dark matter? Why do Einstein’s equations break down at the edge of a black hole? Does consciousness exist? And why can’t I travel back in time and not accidentally click ‘reply all’ on that sensitive email? It turns out that while science tells us a lot about what we know, it tells us even more about what we don’t.

It was late last year when Gabby Bernstein’s new book landed on my desk, generously gifted to me by her publisher. I’d never read any of her work before, usually tossing her books aside with a dismissive, ‘I’m not into that stuff’ attitude. But this time I opened the first page to glance inside and the words landed in a way they never had before.

Gabby writes, “I’ve often found that one of the greatest ways to receive spiritual guidance is to ask for a clear message and sign (something that wouldn’t be easy or obvious). I prayed, ‘Show me a blue butterfly to confirm that I’m on the right healing path’. The following morning, my husband and I got in the car to drive to my in-laws… I looked up and right in front of me was a jeep with a spare tire attached to the back. The tire had a cover on it with nearly twenty stickers of blue butterflies. Tears rolled down my cheeks and my heart filled with gratitude. In my darkest moment, Spirit was there to remind me that I wasn’t alone.”

I grappled with the plausibility of her story, and while one part of my brain was sceptical another part – the part that had just spent weeks researching and realising that we actually don’t know that much about the universe – paused. For the first time, I wondered, ‘What if this is actually true?’.

My word for the beginning of 2023 was freedom. After a rough few months, my goal was to realise freedom in every form – the freedom to travel, creative freedom, financial freedom, all of it. A few weeks later on a bright sunny morning, I sat down at my desk to write. I was feeling energised, inspired and freer than I’d felt in a long time. I zeroed in on that feeling of freedom while writing in my journal, noting how wild it was that I was already living my word so soon into the year.

I lifted my eyes to gaze out the window and was greeted by a giant green grasshopper, directly in my line of sight. It stood out given I’m on the sixth floor of an apartment building in the inner city with no plants, grass or trees in sight. ‘How does a huge grasshopper even get up here?’, I thought to myself.

I watched him for a few minutes and something within me felt compelled to search, ‘What does a grasshopper mean?’. I clicked on the first link that was served up by Google and the word ‘freedom’ leapt off the screen.

My eyes almost dropped out of their sockets. Here I was, having spent weeks researching science, spirituality and signs, and it felt like someone, somewhere was speaking directly to me saying, ‘You’ve made the right choices, freedom is coming for you’. I settled into a feeling of wonder and awe, carrying it with me for days.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d come across even more little critters. But to my complete surprise, a few days later a second green grasshopper appeared. This time it hopped across my parents’ table and landed in the centre of my dinner plate. I lost it, telling my family the story and emphasising how weird and eerie it all felt. Coincidence? They thought so. But for me, those little grasshoppers were meaningful, the result of some cosmic order to the universe – they were loaded with significance, a small sign telling me I’m on the right track.

While spirituality wasn’t standard dinner chat growing up, that night it certainly was. And even if the thought of green grasshoppers running around trying to communicate with me might seem a little crazy to my family, it’s offered me immeasurable comfort. And in the grand scheme of things, that’s really all that matters.

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