19 Australians tell us how often they masturbate

Demystifying the self-pleasure taboo.

It’s true what they say: comparison is the thief of joy. A widely applicable statement, but particularly important to remember when it comes to matters of the heart (and genitals). Sexuality is deeply personal and as long as it’s all absolutely consensual and safe, your sex life – or lack thereof – is entirely up to you.

This is a conclusion many of us came to later in life, after working through years of feeling awkward in our own bodies. Personally, I didn’t even understand women could self-pleasure until my late teens – I thought it was something specifically reserved for those with penises. In many cases, religious guilt, inadequate sex education and unnecessary peer pressure led us to believe masturbation was ‘dirty’ or ‘perverted’.

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Thankfully, in my happy bubble of progressive privilege, I now understand masturbation is completely normal – for everyone. It can even be wonderful, validating and transformative. Whether you like it analog (hands), digital (toys) or not at all, your self-pleasure is all yours. To explore the varied scope of masturbation habits, we asked Australians to share their solo sex preferences.

Greta* (she/her), single

My mental health affects how often I masturbate. When I’m struggling mentally, I don’t masturbate – or if I do, it’s once in a blue moon. When my mental health is more positive and stable, I masturbate anywhere between one to three times a week. Growing up religious has been a significant factor in my masturbation journey; moving past the ‘taboo’ or ‘filthy’ perception of self-pleasure.

Even now, I still have to be mindful of that almost ingrained perception. I’ve also been single for the majority of my life and would consider that I have a significant connection with my body in terms of its sexual and romantic needs; those I’ve learned to fulfil myself.

Moira*, she/her, in a monogamous relationship

Ideally, I like to masturbate once a day or every two days. If I’m feeling stressed or depressed it’s harder for me to feel like masturbating, so I might go a week or longer without doing it. When I’m feeling happy and comfortable, those are usually good conditions for me to want to masturbate daily. I also only just worked out how to use a vibrator last year! Lockdown was good for something after all.

Sam* (he/him), in a monogamous relationship

Maybe three times a week. I don’t live with my partner, so it’s dependent on how often I see her.

Desi* (she/her), dating

I usually only masturbate a few times a month, it revolves around my cycle! I used to just wait until I had sex with another person, but I’m trying to be more self-sustainable.

Ashton* (they/them), in a non-monogamous relationship

I masturbate everyday day. Often if my partner and I are feeling sexually active but not in the mood for penetrative sex, we’ll masturbate together. I think this is an incredibly intimate act that isn’t normalised enough in relationships.

Jordan* (she/her), single

Lately, I’ve been masturbating every second day on average (mid-term stress). But I think it’s usually around once a week. It really depends, and if I’m seeing someone it usually increases. I find when I’m having regular sex, I get aroused more often so I’m more likely to masturbate. Factors involved are often things like stress or boredom; maybe I can’t sleep or I’m watching something that gets me hot and bothered.

I have an IUD and I’ve found it’s changed things a little in terms of feeling aroused and masturbating. I think personal factors really influence me in that sense too. For a while, I didn’t masturbate at all because of an experience with sexual assault. I feel like there’s so much that influences our willingness to self-pleasure.

Elena* (she/her), dating

I probably masturbate around seven to ten times a week. When I work from home it’s more, I also do it more when I’m stressed.

Fatima* (she/her), married

I haven’t masturbated since I became engaged to my now-husband. We discussed that from then onwards, we wanted to feel somewhat responsible for each other’s pleasure. When we masturbate we tend to think about other people, which just felt like a form of emotional infidelity.

I would never judge others who masturbate in relationships, it’s just not for us. I knew we couldn’t have sex for a while after our baby, so I recorded some naughty videos beforehand and sent them to him at work as a tease. We found ‘other ways’ to please him at home.

Cassia* (she/her), single

It’s probably between three and seven times a week. For me it’s cyclical – sometimes more, sometimes less! The more sex I’m getting, the more I want it – so if I’m sleeping with someone, I’ll masturbate more.

Beth* (she/her), in a monogamous relationship

I masturbate pretty much every day. I’d love to say this is influenced by the days my boyfriend and I have sex, but we very rarely do. I also notice my mood and where I’m at in my cycle affect my sexual desire. Probably the main thing that makes me do it more is if I’ve had a sexy dream – which again, ties back to mood and hormones. Otherwise, it’s just habit and self-soothing. In high school, I sincerely promised myself that I would never ever admit to masturbating. I wasn’t a prude about sex, but it definitely came from a place of shame. Interesting to think back on.

Maria* (she/her), in a monogamous relationship

It’s usually around five to seven times a week, depending on how often my partner and I have sex. I have a much higher sex drive than my partner, so I often meet my needs myself.

Remi* (she/they), dating

I probably masturbate a couple of times a week; usually just when I’m in the mood or if I’m home alone (sharehouse living). It also depends on if I’m seeing someone at the time. If I’m having regular sex with a partner, I’ll probably masturbate less – purely because I’m spending fewer nights sleeping alone in my own bed. I pretty much only masturbate at nighttime, actually.

Luka* (he/him), in a monogamous relationship

Maybe three times a week? I don’t live with my partner, so it’s dependent on how often I see her.

Jin* (she/her), single

The frequency of my masturbation definitely depends on where I’m at in my menstrual cycle. Like a week and a little bit after my period, I’m going hard at least twice a day – you know? And then if I’m bored, I think ‘might as well waste some time’. So I’d say two out of four weeks a month, I’m masturbating about once a day. A few days before, during and after my period, I’m just not into it at all and have no need or want to even go there.

This is also coming from someone who doesn’t actively seek out a partner to do the deed with. That’s just a whole other ballpark and typically requires more than just being horny. Masturbation, on the other hand? If I’m vaguely aroused and have the time, I just think ‘yeah, why not?’.

Katie* (she/her), single

I’d say I masturbate around once a week. It used to be more but I got a new dog.

Hazel* (she/her), in a monogamous relationship

Never. I went to an extremely religious school where it was very much taught that sex and masturbation make you a dirty person. I’m not even religious and don’t have any prejudice against others who do masturbate (in fact, I’m jealous of them), but I’ve been scarred by my education.

Every time I’ve tried to pleasure myself, I feel so ashamed that it just turns me off. Sexual pleasure (self-pleasure in particular) needs to be spoken about in sexual education at school. And it needs to be mandated. Religious school trauma is very real, especially when it comes to sexuality.

Tess* (she/her), dating

I probably masturbate around two to three times per week. This reduces if I’m feeling less confident about my body, or increases if I’m exercising a lot and having more partnered sex.

Imani* (she/her), single

I masturbate most days, but won’t do it when I’m too tired. It averages out to around five times a week. When I got one of those rabbit vibrators I become quite addicted to it but after a while, it felt too intense. I went back to my hands.

Anna* (she/her), single

I go through stages of not doing it for a couple of weeks before something will spark my interest again. Then I’ll masturbate for like three days in a row after remembering how good it is. Masturbation is so important and we should talk about it more!

This article was originally published on April 27, 2022.

For more on Australian masturbation habits, head here.