Is it still possible to meet people IRL anymore? 10 readers weigh in

“Confidence is king and eye flirtation is everything.”

If you’ve ever dreamt up a chance encounter with a possible love interest, I’d wager it didn’t involve a phone screen. Instead, the fantasy might’ve been a run-in at a bar, a stranger at a concert or a traveller on a tropical beach somewhere. Maybe even a chance encounter on a European train à la Before Sunrise.

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That’s not to say dating apps are by any means inferior – evidently, they’ve been the catalyst for countless relationships. But swiping through a profile just doesn’t have the romance of a meet-cute. Eager to see if it’s still possible to meet people IRL, we asked FJ readers to share the last time they engaged in some healthy in-person flirtation.

Sara*, 26, she/her

I went to this café for the first time when I was feeling really homesick. I missed connecting with people and was feeling quite lonely. I noticed the guy at the counter taking orders had different coloured eyes, one green, one brown, and before I realised it, I was telling him he had beautiful eyes. He then said I smelled nice, and from there we started this very slow-burning flirtation. He gave me free coffees, I’d like his Instagram stories.

We’re still in that phase, but it’s always nice to know we met by chance in person and were brave enough to say something to each other. I think it’s easier to hide behind your phone than it is to make a move on someone in real life. As long as we have that crutch, we’ll forever be biting our tongues instead of saying anything.

Grace*, 27, she/her

I haven’t used dating apps for like two years. I met my last boyfriend at a party, walked up to him and asked him, “Why are you staring at me?” He wasn’t; I just wanted his attention. We dated for four years after that. I also met the person I was dating recently at my favourite pub. He was bartending and I said, “What’s your name? I want to know about you”.

I think when you delete the apps, you won’t rely on them. I can’t even fathom talking to a stranger online anymore. Once you’re off them, you realise how unnatural it is. People are a lot more open to conversation than you might think! Especially because everyone does the app thing, I think it’s refreshing to be hit on IRL.

Kate*, 26, she/her

My friend walked up to a guy outside Marquis of Lorne and asked him for a cigarette on the street. I said, “Wow, he’s cute”, and lo and behold, he and his friend made their way over to us. We went inside and watched the footy, ordered more vino and chatted for ages. Afterwards, we walked around the corner for a spontaneous dumpling double date.

Confidence is king and eye flirtation is everything. People are fatigued by the digital dating era – they’re craving IRL attraction and connection. The art of walking up to a total stranger and being okay with what comes next (good or bad) needs to be revived. You have nothing to lose!

Nikki*, 29, she/her

I was working as a volunteer at a community-run bookstore and event space. A lot of newbies started around the same time as me, so the space hosted a meet and greet event for all the old and new volunteers to connect.

Within minutes of arriving, I locked eyes with my now-boyfriend. We kept sneaking glances at each other all night until we finally spoke. The connection was instantaneous. We’ve been together for five years now and I love him more every day.

It can be hard to put yourself in new spaces or settings, but it’s often the new and novel that allows you to meet people. In a world that can feel really scary at times, it’s not easy opening up. But openness is the gateway to connection, whether that’s romantic or platonic, and it’s often a counter to that growing feeling of fear and distrust.

Cynthia*, 20, she/her

We were on a university trip to Vietnam with 50 or so students. We ended up being put in a group together where we had to do a bunch of activities. At first, he was a group member and then he became the love of my life. The whole trip, we couldn’t stop spending time together and talking about life. Meeting in another country by chance is crazy.

Cass*, 24, she/her

I met my ex-girlfriend while we were both working at a bar. We realised we lived super close to each other, so we started walking home together. We’d share headphones and show each other our favourite songs, scream SZA lyrics and dance down the street at 3am. I used to linger out the front of her house, hoping she would ask me in.

We hung out for ages as ‘just friends’ but there was an energy there – everyone could see it but us. Once we had our first kiss (ironically in a closet), we tried to keep it on the down-low at work and would steal kisses in bathrooms and empty hallways, waiting for the shift to be over so we could walk home together. The relationship might’ve ended but those early days were some of the best times of my life.

I think we all desire community and connection but I think social media has somewhat hindered our ability to socialise in person. We all need to be more comfortable engaging with other people and letting go of fear, embarrassment or rejection. Learn and grow from it instead of letting it rule your life. I’ve never had someone ask me out in real life and thought, ‘How embarrassing for them’. Even if I’m not into them romantically or sexually, I still appreciate and respect the confidence.

Natalie*, 23, she/her

We met at Dr. Morse on a night out. My friend was very interested in him but when she ended up leaving, he and I started chatting. He ended up messaging me the next day. I made sure my friend was okay with this (she was), and now we’ve been together for almost two years.

Deb*, 27, she/her

We were old acquaintances from university who hadn’t seen each other in a while and were helping a mutual friend move. I ended up in his car, driving all of our friends’ stuff over to the new house. We agreed to catch a footy match together and kept going until it eventually turned into a date. Turns out he doesn’t even like footy!

These days, there aren’t as many third spaces or places to build community, especially after school and university. A lot of people also fear putting themselves out there and ending up in a true crime podcast. I can’t blame them. Bring match-making back. I know so many gorgeous single girls but I don’t know who to pair them with.

Robyn*, 21, she/her

We met in the middle of a photoshoot where our mutual friend was the videographer. I was the stylist and our friend brought him to the set. That was the first time we ever met, although we didn’t date until a year and a half later.

Emma*, 25, she/her

I met my partner through mutual friends at a house party (classic). It was one of those moments – my friend introduced us and I instantly thought ‘Oh damn, he’s hot!’. We ran into each other a few more times that month and the curiosity was mutual. We ended up being at the same festival over New Year’s and became inseparable. Four and a half years later, we’re still together!

I feel for the most part, a lot of people are more comfortable behind a screen – and I mean this for friendships as well as romantic interests! The number of people I’ve connected with online who can’t match that energy in real life is really interesting to me. We need to bring back the art of the house party.

*Names changed for privacy.

For tips on flirting IRL, try this.