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Ask A Sex Therapist: How can I get the most out of my sex toys?

IMAGE VIA @_POSMO_/INSTAGRAM
WORDS BY LAURA MIANO

Take your toy game to the next level.

Laura Miano is a sex therapist based in Melbourne and co-founder of sex toy concept store Posmo. Her mission is to empower people to create a more fulfilling sex life and to support those who might like to explore their sexuality beyond cultural norms. To learn more about her, follow @lauramianosexology or contact her here.

I have a few sex toys that I really love, but I’ve recently found myself getting bored during my self-pleasure sessions. How can I elevate my masturbation game using toys? – Playful

Dear Playful,

You’ve come to the right person. As a sexologist and the co-owner of sex toy concept store Posmo, I’ve acquired an extensive amount of erotic toy-related knowledge over the years. Learning about sex toys has taught me there’s no one-size-fits-all gadget and it’s important to experiment with your own pleasure.

My hilarious friends gave me my first vibrator on my sixteenth birthday. At that age, masturbation was very much a taboo topic, making owning a sex toy the height of comedy. What my friends didn’t know was that my self-pleasure journey was already well underway by the time I received that first vibrator.


For more sex talk, head on over to our Life section.


As a sexually curious person, I’ve discovered a number of tips and tricks over my time using sex toys. Below are some of my favourites to help you find new and exciting ways to use your tried-and-true toys.

Layer up

To start with, find the intensity that’s right for you. Vulva skin is very sensitive, which can make the higher (or even lower) settings on some toys feel like too much. By adding layers between you and your toy, you can increase orgasm anticipation while circumventing that overwhelming sensation. 

Using a toy over your underwear is the easiest way to reduce that intensity of vibration. You can also try peeling back layers by slowly removing your duvet, blanket, sheets, underwear, etc. 

The longer the build-up, the better the result – so take it slow and drop into that pleasure zone. And for a fun textural experience, try experimenting with fabrics. Use silk for a smooth, cool feeling, cotton for a soft, gentle feel or wool for rough, scratchy contrast. 

Noise control

Factors like housemates, partners, pets and thin walls can make sex toy noise levels a concern during that all-important self-pleasure time. The easiest way to remedy this is by purchasing quiet toys – from Posmo, I can suggest the We-Vibe Touch X or the Iroha Uki Dama Hoshi.If your favourite toy is on the louder side, absorb the noise with a doona or pillow (or both).

Just place a hand with a sex toy on the genitals and with the other hand, keep a doona or pillow over the top. You can also pretend to take a shower and use the running water to mask the noise. It’s not the best for water conservation, but easy if you want a quick moment to yourself without the worry of someone walking in. 

Get creative

Find your self-pleasure sweet spot by thinking outside of your toy’s intended use. If you love your rabbit or dildo, try using it in a new way. Make it your go-to clit vibrator by using it externally, or use your rabbit vibrator to stimulate your perineum (gooch) or anus rather than your clit (the reach of your toy will be dependent on your anatomy).

The Lelo Soraya is particularly great for multi-purpose use because of its fully flexible and extendable arm – so you can change between your clit, perineum and anus. You can also use a bullet vibrator to enhance oral sex by placing it on your cheek. While performing oral sex, that vibration in your mouth will transfer to your partner’s genitals (this works for both vulva and penis-owners), adding another layer of sensation. 

The Prism Bullet is great for using with a partner because it’s super smooth and long, helping you to get a good grip while you’re pleasuring your partner. Another trick is to use a cock ring or finger vibrator while fingering your partner. With a small and versatile toy like the Dame Fin, the vibration will transfer throughout your whole finger. This goes for the cock ring as well!

 

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Full vulva pleasure 

While getting creative with your self-pleasure, remember toys aren’t just made for the clit! Switch it up by focusing on your outer labia, gooch or pubic bone (where your pubic hair is). A dual-ended toy like the We-Vibe Touch X is perfect for targeting those different areas.

You can use the pointy side of the We-Vibe to focus on the labia and tease around your vaginal opening, while the rounded, smooth side can be great to place over the vaginal opening for a broader, less intense sensation. A contrast like this helps to keep your self-pleasure sessions interesting.

The pubic bone is an often ignored area during masturbation but can provide a subtle, pleasurable feeling. If you place a massager like the Doxy Die Cast 3r on that bone it starts vibrating behind your clit, which gives a wonderful sensation. Locate the front of the pubic bone by pressing down on the area where your pubic hair grows (above your clit) or hold a vibrator on your vaginal opening to locate the back part of the pubic bone.

Temperature play 

Add another element to your foreplay or self-pleasure session by experimenting with temperature. Toys like this dildo or any of our glass range are perfect for heating or cooling down. If your toy permits, submerge it in ice or pop it in the freezer for an experience that’s invigorating and a little shocking (in the best way). When an icy toy is placed on sensitive areas like the nipples, inner thighs, inner labia or clit, it can give a nice intensity.

 

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On the flip side, you can soak your toy in hot water (just be careful not to make it too hot!) for a warming feeling. During those numbing winter days when the idea of getting naked isn’t so appealing, a heated toy can help get things started (and feels amazing on the clit).

Squirting 101 

If you’re a pussy owner looking to explore the world of squirting, sex toys can be an excellent tool. When positioned at an angle that targets the G-spot, hard toys (those made from materials like metal or glass) can be really effective in achieving that squirting experience. 

Once you’re turned on and targeting your G-spot, you just need to keep stimulating the area. Stick with it! You’ll probably feel like you need to pee – but to squirt, you have to keep going past this feeling. Keep stimulating that G-spot and you’ll get there. For a more in-depth tutorial and an explainer of what squirting is, head to my guide here.

Full-body pleasure

Even with all the right tools, it can sometimes be hard to get your mind in a relaxed state to receive pleasure. To get that erotic mood happening, try grinding while masturbating. Sex toys don’t just have to be used with your hand, and grinding can provide an intuitive whole-body experience. Kick things off by putting a toy between a pillow and your sheet to keep it in place, or stand a wand massager up between two pillows so it sticks up in between.

A bigger wand massager is great for this as it won’t get lost between layers. If you’re wanting the ultimate grinding experience, the Orion Vibepad is an innovative toy made for riding. In conjunction with a stimulated mind, full-body motion can make for an amazing self-pleasure experience.

Start on the low

As I said earlier, a slow build-up can often make for a nice end result. Start your self-pleasure session off slow by putting your toy on a soft vibration setting. It helps to think of your orgasm like a balloon – the more air you fill it up with, the better it will be. So breathe through your motions, start slowly and build your pleasure up.

Imagine if a partner started sex by stimulating you really rapidly. You’d probably prefer to gently ease into things, right? So do the same for yourself. You might find you don’t even need to go past the lowest level on your toy. Test out different settings and see what works for you.

Partner play from afar

Explore new erotic frontiers with your partner with app-controlled toys. While you or your partner is going to the gym, out on a walk or grocery shopping, toys like the We-Vibe Moxie allow the other person to control pleasure from afar. The Moxie magnetically clips into your underwear, so your partner can discreetly control the vibrations. 

 

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You could also try this after a sexy dinner out or in the comfort of your own home. The We-Vibe Chorus is amazing for this; it slips in and stays in place with two different types of vibrations for your partner to play with. Let them control the settings while watching you reach orgasm – tapping into a voyeuristic and exhibitionistic side of sex.

For more sex toy tips and tricks, head here.

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