How ‘petite romance’ can make a big difference in your love life

There’s nothing small about it.

Relationships – both romantic and platonic – take work, a lot of it. That work is often intangible, we’re talking about emotional, financial and spiritual sacrifices. It’s not pretty to admit. There’s a preconceived notion that relationships should be easy and any effort is contrived.

There’s no formula for love, of course, and each person’s approach to relationships is unique. But we’ve seen plenty of examples of how not to engage in relationships. Love bombing sees people overwhelming their love interest with adoration and attraction. Weaponised incompetence sees people feigning ineptitude for simple tasks, leaving others to clean up their mess.

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But according to pop culture and romcom lore, grand gestures of love are not just the norm but should be encouraged. While I enjoyed Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker’s recent baby announcement, I can’t help but cringe at public proposes and in-your-face PDA.

In line with the internet’s fascination with ‘soft living,’ a new relationship trend has arisen. ‘Petite romance’ is the term referring to consistent inputs of care. Coined by TikTok user Wildlin Pierrevil, it aims to cultivate a quiet kind of dependable love.

@notwildlin Replying to @thesincerelyasiaa ♬ original sound – NotWildlin

Wildlin defines romance as “affection and intimacy times intention minus obligation”. By affection, they point to giving cuddles and being intimate and close in proximity to your loved one. Intention here is referring to forethought and planning.

In their TikTok video, Wildlin specifically minuses obligation from the equation to distinguish romance from necessity. “I hope that all of our relationships with our parents are affectionate and intimate and intentional. But if I have to clothe you and feed you, it kind of is a different thing. That’s nurturance,” they say.

Grand gestural romance is defined by Wildlin as unsustainable actions that have “high peaks [and] low valleys,” pointing to getting flown out to new cities or receiving new jewellery as examples of this. While these moments can be impactful and meaningful, Wildlin says there are limits that come with it.

The big pull of energy can result in a rebound of detachment. “I just spent all of my time and energy and resource on doing this grand gesture for you and now I gotta kind of bounce out for a little bit and I won’t text you back for a week,” they hypothesise.

“Petite romance is a rebuttal to grand gestural romance. It’s not small, but it’s sustainable… The key is that there is no crash, there’s no burnout. I can do this for a long period of time, I can give my partner a consistent stream of affection and intimacy without feeling like I got to take breaks in between,” Wildlin says.

English professor Neil Shyminsky took to TikTok to share examples of petite romance in his own life. “I wake up before my wife every morning so I make her a coffee and bring it to her in bed. I take a mental note every time I see her glasses or her phone just in case she’s misplaced them… I have a running list of gift ideas on my phone every time she mentions that there’s something that she wants or likes,” he says.

Petite romance is not only for romantic relationships. Making playlists, remembering someone’s food preferences and letting people know you were thinking of them are just some of the ways of showing romance to any loved ones in your life.

“My friend Grace gets me something every time she goes thrifting,” model and actress Madeline Ford says on TikTok. “When I moved into my new apartment, for a housewarming gift, she got me these two pet frogs so that I wouldn’t get lonely and handmade them each a little lily pad.”

There’s nothing small about ‘petite romance’. As Wildlin says, “I believe in love. I believe in romance… I believe in love as a means of liberation and love as an answer to all. I believe in love like a candle wick believes in a flame, which is to say that I will live and die by it.”

For TikTok’s best relationship advice, head here.