A sex therapist’s guide to sensation play

Awaken your body.

Sydney-based somatic sexologist and sex and intimacy coach Alice Child is the founder of Vulva Dialogues. She works with individuals, couples and groups, helping people achieve happier, healthier and more fulfilled sex lives – whatever that means for them. Visit her website for more.

Picture this. You’re lying down, eyes closed. You feel safe, relaxed and excited. Your partner’s full attention is on you. Every breath you take, every muscle you tense – they notice. Your skin feels warm and exposed, and with your eyes closed, your senses are heightened. You can feel the silk of the blindfold, smell the candles in the air and strain to hear every movement over the sound of your excited breaths. 

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You’re filled with tension and anticipation, not knowing how – or where – they will touch you. You shiver as something light and soft brushes across your collarbone, and again as it traces down your ribcage. Open your eyes. Welcome to the world of sensation play!

What is sensation play?

As the name suggests, this experience is all about playing with the five senses in a game of anticipation, teasing and pleasure. One partner usually plays the role of ‘giver’ while the other surrenders in the receiving role. Taking turns in both roles is encouraged!

You can engage in sensation play with or without a partner. You will be amazed at how much you can surprise yourself with the right erotic tools and a curious mind. The aim is to give your partner (or yourself!) as much sensory excitement as possible, slowly building up anticipation, pleasure and arousal. Think about all five of the senses – what touch, smells, sounds, sights and tastes could you experience?

See the entire body as an erogenous zone, from the tips of the fingers to the lobes of the ears. Get creative, and enjoy exploring the entire body. Slowness and constantly changing up the sensation are key, allowing the body to fully relax and trust whatever might be given next while maintaining excitement.

Although sensation play can make for erotic foreplay, it can also be amazing on its own. Orgasm and/or penetration is not the goal. The goal is pleasure.

What are the benefits of sensation play?

It’s easy to fall into sexual routines. Over time, this can make sex feel predictable, habitual or even boring – and nobody wants that. Sensation play is a great way to keep things exciting and fun between the sheets, and it comes with a plethora of other benefits.

Increased pleasure

When we take our time to explore our entire bodies with curiosity and an open mind, we feel more. This can lead to better orgasms and increased sensitivity to touch and stimulation. Anticipation and teasing can also be huge aphrodisiacs, heightening our pleasure and arousal.

Learn new erogenous zones

Sensation play can teach us new pleasures we didn’t know we were capable of. We can also discover new erogenous zones on our body that were previously ignored, like ears, hips, inner thighs, ribcage, neck and the back of the knees.

Playing with power

By playing the role of giver and receiver, you might discover new sexual dynamics in your relationship. Do you enjoy the feeling of completely surrendering and being submissive to the touch of your partner? Or do you prefer teasing your partner and being in control of their pleasure? Or both? You can incorporate these dynamics into the bedroom in lots of new ways.

Amazing foreplay

Sensation play is a great foreplay activity. It allows anticipation, arousal, relaxation and pleasure to build in the body before the more energetic action takes place! It also forces us to go slow, rather than jumping straight to penetration before we’re truly ready for it.

Connection to your partner

Being the centre of your partner’s attention and focusing fully on their pleasure can create a feeling of closeness and intimacy. Trust is required when shutting your eyes and letting your partner explore your body, and this leads to an enhanced connection.

Staying present

Rather than falling into sexual routines, which can lead to disconnected and unsatisfying sex, sensation play forces both people to stay present and in the moment. You’re far less likely to get distracted thinking about work when you’re teasing your partner with hot wax.

Helpful for sexual concerns

Because sensation play doesn’t necessarily involve penetrative sex, it’s great for any couple who has experienced sexual concerns. For example, sensation play can be great for couples struggling with erectile difficulty, premature ejaculation, painful sex or low libido/desire.

Less reliance on porn and fantasy

Many people rely on their brains to turn them on using internal fantasies, porn or other erotica. While these are useful tools, if we become over-reliant on them we risk losing the ability to use sensation to build arousal. Sensation play helps us stay present.

Trying sensation play at home

Set the scene

Make your environment pleasurable. Think about music, candles, lighting and fresh bedding. Set aside time so you can relax without worry.

Gather your tools

Get different items around you to play with. Think about textures, temperatures and types of touch. Some ideas include feathers, a flower, a fork, warmed massage oil or lube, ice cubes, silk or a vibrator.

Communicate desires and boundaries

Agree on who will be giving/receiving (or if you’re taking turns), and discuss boundaries. For example, is there any area you don’t want to be touched? How long will the giving/receiving take? Do they want a blindfold, or do they prefer to watch? What kind of communication do you require?

Go slowly

With sensation play, the slower the better. Try slowing down the touch even more, and be curious about new places on the body to explore. You might find an amazing new erogenous zone. Go slowly and build that anticipation!

Keep it varied

While giving the sensations, try and keep things varied. Remember to tease and explore your partner’s whole body – sometimes the most amazing pleasure can come from unexpected places! Ideas include kissing wine into the mouth, running an ice cube around the nipple, using a feather on the inner thigh, dribbling warm oil onto the chest, blowing warm or cool air on the neck and using a vibrator down the hip bone.

Be okay with getting it wrong

Not all sensations feel amazing to everyone, and that’s okay! You’re not going to get it ‘right’ every time. Keep an open mind and don’t get defensive. Sensation play is such a fun, exciting and connective experience, alone or with a partner. It brings novelty, excitement and anticipation and connection back into the bedroom. Give it a go and see what you discover!

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