Sex, snacks and sensuality: New Zealand podcast ‘Finger Food’ is exploring two of life’s most indulgent pleasures
PHOTOGRAPHY BY SUMMER KNIGHT
words by kaya martin
“The more I do it, the easier it becomes and the less fucks I give.”
Finger Food has a simple premise. Creator and host Stacey O’Gorman cooks her guests their favourite meal, they sit down to eat and they have an open, heartfelt and oftentimes hilarious conversation about all things, sex, romance and pleasure.
“What I love about food is that it instantly helps people feel comfortable and at home. Food, to me, is the ultimate connector and when done well is one of life’s greatest sources of pleasure,” she says.
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That’s what makes Finger Food shine – the down-to-earth vibe feels like you’re a few pinots deep dishing on the dick game of your latest conquest. It looks at sex through a casual, sensual and realistic lens. It’s intimate and raw, and that’s always going to be hot. Below, Stacey tells us how the podcast came to fruition and what’s been getting her mouth-watering lately.
Hi Stacey! Lovely to meet you. How has your day been?
My day has been lovely, thank you for asking! It’s Sunday and I am currently down in the Coromandel in a little beach town called Kuaotunu. I have spent the day going for big walks, swimming, sunning, eating delicious things and hanging out with family.
First of all, how did you come up with the idea for Finger Food?
I decided to shake myself out of the monotony of lockdown by creating a shoot with my friend and photographer Rob Tennent with a theme of liberation and freedom. We thought it would be cool to get some beautiful shots in Bethells Lake with a handful of sexually expressive and confident individuals and then publish the imagery.
As we were in creation mode for the shoot, recruiting the models, it suddenly occurred to me how fascinated I was with the lives and the stories of these individuals. They were all so inspiring and confident within themselves.
I was curious to find out more about them and just before we did the shoot, I asked each of them if they’d be keen to sit down over a cuppa and share their journeys with me and whether they’d be okay if we recorded it! To my delight, they all agreed to be a part of it, and suddenly, Finger Food podcast was born.
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Do you see food and sex as being related?
Both are deep sensory experiences for me. Both can bring me into the present moment. Both can be life-giving or life-sucking. Just like when I eat delicious, nourishing meals that I spend lots of time on and pour love into, when I nourish myself with healthy sexual practices and interactions I feel energised and empowered.
Has doing the podcast helped you progress on your sexual journey?
I have learned more about the spectrum of sexuality, identity and pleasure by doing the podcast than I have from any course, workshop or training that I’ve ever done. I would say I am less judgmental and more open because of it.
In the same vein, producing the podcast has been quite the journey. When I have been in the stressed-out fight-or-flight zone I have been very put off sex. It’s funny, the more I intensively talk and learn about sex at a mind level, the less I want it – a good reminder for me that sexual desire is seasonal and to make sure I am still making time to be in my body!
You’ve just wrapped Season Three, featuring guests like Benee, Juliet Allen and Chris Parker, as well as fellow sexologists and friends. How do you feel like the podcast has progressed since you started it?
I am constantly shocked and delighted when people like Benee and Chris want to be a part of it as they have a huge influence and if they are showing up vulnerably and having conversations around sex and pleasure then hopefully it helps others feel seen and less alone.
Are there specific stories or guests that your audience has connected to the most?
So far the podcasts that have had the most positive feedback from the Finger Food audience are the ones I have done with people I know very well. I recorded an episode with my ex-husband where we discussed our sexless marriage and how we navigated that, our divorce and how we have maintained a beautiful friendship.
The other is one I recorded recently with one of my dear friends Morgan Penn where we discussed a spiritual sex camp we both attended as well as navigating singledom in our thirties and the societal projections we face working in the sex industry. I guess because I feel so comfortable with both those individuals, the conversations flowed so naturally as we were able to go deep very quickly as well as have many laughs.
How does it feel to share such intimate stories from your life with the world? Does it make you feel vulnerable, or is it freeing?
Both. In the beginning, I used to get major vulnerability hangovers. But the more I do it, the easier it becomes and the less fucks I give. I guess it’s also been a shift in my understanding of vulnerability… These days I am looking at it as a superpower in connecting to people rather than a weakness. However, it’s always a journey as I stretch the parameters of my vulnerability and I am definitely not immune to the discomfort that rears its head in new ways each time.
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You mentioned you’ve been having some issues with censorship on Instagram. What have you noticed?
If I post a picture of my grandma at the beach on my stories it gets roughly 3000 views. If I post anything Finger Food-related or remotely sex-related, it gets about 200 views. I have had posts and stories taken down on both my personal and Finger Food Instagram accounts which have been purely educational or links to podcasts.
Currently, my Finger Food account can’t be shown to non-followers because there are five posts that I am appealing to that are mostly pictures of women, natural with fruit, nipples completely covered up and totally non-sexual. It can be pretty disheartening with the countless hours of work that goes into content creation but we keep fighting the good fight.
Do you think sex content should be more openly available on the internet and social media?
I do think healthy content that focuses on consent, body positivity and sex as it relates to pleasure should be more readily available, as currently, the main source of education we’re receiving is from sites like PornHub and a very limited school curriculum. There is an obvious minefield of ethics here, but yes I think an alternative to outdated narratives around sex and sexuality should be more easily accessed.
What are you up to these days?
Right now, I’m expanding my therapy practice with Somatic Intimacy Coaching. I love connecting with incredible new clients and drawing inspiration from the transformative work we’re weaving together. Season Three was an absolute whirlwind, featuring some dream-come-true guests. But yes, crafting a guest list and a new direction to surpass that excitement is (very slowly but surely) in the works!
To listen to the Finger Food podcast, head here.
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