What is shibari rope bondage and how can you start incorporating it in the bedroom?

Get tied up (safely).

If you’re anything like me, you might be familiar with the concept of incorporating bondage in the bedroom but not too sure about the execution of it. Where do you begin? What does it involve? One particular type of bondage might be a good start: shibari rope.

So, what is shibari rope? You might know it as Japanese rope bondage or ‘kinbaku’. Put simply, shibari rope is the act of tying someone up for aesthetic, kink or play purposes – in fact, the term shibari literally means ‘tying’ and ‘kinbaku’ translates to ‘tight binding’.

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It’s a contemporary form of rope bondage that originated in Japan. It can be used for sexual purposes but, historically, it’s also been used for meditation, relaxation and building trust between two people (you might remember in the first season of Too Hot Too Handle it was used as an exercise to form bonds between the couples).

It exclusively uses a rope or rope-like material, unlike other BDSM bondage play that might incorporate handcuffs, scarves, tape, etc. What also makes shibari different from other types of rope play is that the emphasis is not placed on the restraint aspect of the tying, but more on the aesthetic elements – normally the rope is tied in some sort of visually pleasing or intricate pattern.

Why is shibari rope so popular? Well, for starters, Shibari can be used as a powerful method of building a connection between two people through skin-to-skin physicality, close contact and the need for constant communication. Sound like something you’re interested in? Let’s talk about where to begin.

Well, your first step needs to be finding a willing and open partner to join you on the journey. Making sure that both of you are on board is of the utmost importance. Sit down and work out your boundaries. What’s on the table? What’s off-limits? What are and aren’t you comfortable with? What sort of mood are you trying to create? And establish a clear safe word – something you can use to communicate if things get too intense.

After that, you need to make sure you undertake some sort of education on how to properly implement shibari. There’s plenty of information available online and a number of videos and tutorials. Shibari Study, for instance, has over 600 instructional videos and a number of YouTube tutorials.

But if you’re going the online route, taking the time to make sure you use reputable sources is vital. Most experts recommend actually tracking down a local in-person class to attend – a quick Google search indicates all the capital cities in Australia have some options for classes you can go along to.

So if you’ve done a few classes and you’re wanting to take the next step? Well, you’ll need to get your materials together – buy yourself your shibari rope. Most experts recommend a cotton-based rope for beginners, as they tend to be easier on the skin and easier to manipulate. Also, a shorter length usually feels less overwhelming.

Make sure to also have a pair of rope shears on hand – if anything goes wrong and you need to be able to free the person tied up immediately, these are your fail-safe. Lastly, find a safe and comfortable space to use.

And then? Start simple. There are a few ties that are recommended for beginners – the single or double-column ties. for example (in rope play, the term ‘column’ refers to anything you can tie around – a leg, a torso, a bedpost, etc). The single-column tie usually forms the basis for any of the more complex bondage, as it creates the first anchor to the body. For beginners, it’s best to begin with the column tie move and master it.

Make sure to practice the basics a few times so you’ve really got them down. From there you can move to the more complex chest harnesses and even progress to full-body harnesses or suspension play.

And finally, always make sure you put in place appropriate aftercare before you even begin rope play. Having a plan for afterwards is vital for ensuring the endorphin and adrenaline rush post-shibari rope is cemented and transitions into a pleasant memory. Aftercare can include cuddling, talking, and even taking a shower together. You decide together what it looks like for you.

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