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How my younger brother became my best friend

Image via Alvin Mahmudov

Words by Felice Lok

My first and oldest childhood friend.

For most of my childhood, all I wanted was a sister. I would blow out my birthday candles every year wishing that a sister would be born soon (I even kept the wish to myself in the hopes it would make it come true). At the time, I had an older cousin who I adored and I vividly recall telling all my friends at kindergarten that she was my sister (they all knew I was lying). 

But I don’t have a sister. Instead, when I was two, my brother was born. I couldn’t say I always appreciated him when we were younger but I guess this is the story of how he’s become one of the most important people in my life. 


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As kids, our minimal age gap meant we did many activities together – we went swimming and bike riding, dug up the garden bed to make mud balls, and sang to the theme songs of our favourite shows on the ABC channel. It also meant our parents could send us to the same holiday programs and trust us to get along while they finally got some peace and quiet. 

I had a companion who saved me from the fate I’d feared the most: being an only child. But seeing the fun activities my friends and their sisters did together always served as a painful reminder of the absence of a sister in my life. When I was invited to their houses after school, I would be amazed at how many toys and clothes they could share with each other – my brother and I, on the other hand, had completely different tastes when it came to these areas of our lives.

As I entered my teenage years, it felt like every piece of pop culture I consumed somehow featured or made mention of the close relationship sisters share. It often made me wonder what my life would be like if I had a sister, particularly a younger one. Being the eldest child, I wanted to have a positive influence on my sibling – I wanted a younger sister who looked up to me and hoped to emulate me in some way. I didn’t see how I could ever be someone my brother would look up to when our personalities and interests were so different, and it made me feel like I wasn’t fulfilling my duties as an older sister. 

There are countless movies and books that celebrate the depth of sisterly relationships, but not being able to see any celebrating that of brothers and sisters made me feel like I was lacking something. Often, in an attempt to play into the typical brother-sister dynamic, I would pretend to be the nonchalant too-cool-for-you older sister who complained about her annoying younger brother. (If anything, I was the annoying one.) But in the last few years, I’ve realised just how important my brother is in my life; I’ve realised he’s my best friend. 

Maybe it was the hundreds of days we spent under the same roof during Melbourne’s lockdowns that made me realise this. In 2020 I formed a clearer picture of what I wanted to do in my degree, but with that came severe imposter syndrome. But it was little gestures, like my brother coming into my bedroom while I was fighting back tears working on a difficult assignment, that kept me going.

No matter how busy he was, he would sit on my bed and talk it out with me. A lot of the time, just like me, he didn’t have the answers but he would just listen. Now, when I make decisions that we know serve me well, he hypes me up for it. Whenever I go on a run (I hardly move away from my desk), leave the house for a job interview or experience that gnawing feeling of self-doubt, he’s there in the corner cheering me on. 

Having a brother like him has made me realise that sometimes the people you connect most naturally with are actually the people you share little to no personality traits or interests with. My brother is very much an extroverted person with a rational way of approaching life. On the other hand, there’s me – a huge introvert and an overthinker who jumps to illogical conclusions. I guess this balances us out, because we regularly turn to each other for advice. 

Now, in my early twenties, I can say with certainty that the bonds between siblings, regardless of their gender, have a powerful influence on the way we think and how we live our lives. Maybe it’s our shared experiences growing up in the same household (which for me, has meant we share the same family values) or perhaps it’s because, being so close in age, our childhoods were basically intertwined.

My mum always says the bond between siblings is the strongest bond there is and no matter what we do in the future, we have to be there for each other. It would have been fun to have a sister, but I’m glad I got to grow up with my younger brother – my first and oldest best friend.  

For more on maintaining sibling relationships, head here

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