What it’s like to start over in your mid-twenties

“We don’t see the years of work it takes to build the dream lives and careers we see on our social media feeds.”

If I were to describe being in my twenties to my younger self, I would describe it as “like digging a hole”. Each dig is a choice made, whether that be a new career, a new relationship or a new home, and with each dig, you go deeper and deeper, making it harder to heave yourself out of it.

Changing friendships, failed job applications, financial stresses and heartbreaks take their toll on you. Eventually, you look up from your hole and realise you’re stuck. You’re covered in dirt and questioning why you even dug it in the first place.

Interested to hear how others navigate the world? Head to our Life section.

Blowing out the candles on my 25th birthday, I was surrounded by the usual love and cheer. This time, though, it was accompanied by solemn platitudes like “A quarter century old!” and “Halfway to 50!” delivered with a nudge, a wink and a hint of despair.

Everyone at my birthday had taken a different path in life. Half of them own apartments. Many hold an important role in their workplace, and some are even engaged. The other half, myself included, feel like we’re falling behind. To give myself and others credit, I don’t believe that any of us are actually falling behind. We all have different paths in life, as I’m constantly reminded by my friends and family.

These existential feelings have crept up on me recently because at 25 years old, I chose to dig myself out of the hole I’d created. It was a miserable hole filled with jobs and situations I hated, all in the name of choosing a ‘practical’ life for myself.

Last year I quit my job, moved out of a toxic living situation and chose joy and passion over an easy life. I started an internship to develop my skills and work on my writing and spent two months of the year travelling. And although I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, the road to feeling fulfilled has not come without setbacks.

What they don’t tell you about your mid to late twenties is that starting over to go after what you want can make you feel incredibly small. The thought of coming out the other side of this with all the things I aspire to have and to be was enough to motivate me at the start, but life can be exhausting.

Starting over in a new career, or in my case starting an internship in my mid-twenties, is a discouraging experience, especially if you’re working for free. You feel like you have so much to offer, but your lower-level position means people underestimate you. And don’t forget job rejection after job rejection.

I don’t think I’m the only one feeling this way but constant doom scrolling can make you feel that even when you start, you’re already behind. We don’t see the years of work it takes to build the dream lives and careers we see on our social media feeds. Being constantly exposed to aspirational lives makes us both insecure and unproductive, because if we don’t have what we want immediately then what’s the point?

So how do we overcome this? How do we stop comparing ourselves to others when comparisons are unavoidable? Although I will never apologise for being a creative and I will always make sacrifices to do the things I love, these feelings can be difficult to contend with.

I know it’s cliche, but the only practice that’s helped me is slowing down and trying to stay present. I no longer use social media to lust after a life that isn’t my own. I write because it makes me happy, instead of worrying about whether I’ll succeed in this field. I give myself time to rest when my anxiety peaks and remind myself that it’s a privilege to be able to start over. It’s harder than it sounds, but finding joy in the little things that make you happy makes a world of difference.

Despite the challenges it’s presented, I don’t regret changing the course of my life. I believe that over the next five years of my twenties, I’ll have many lives and many holes I’ll probably need to dig myself out of. I may feel like I’m drowning right now, but I just have to remind myself that I can swim.

For advice on finding career direction in your twenties, try this.