Do you need to pay for your seat? FJ readers share what they spend on a wedding gift

“They should be happy with my love and support.”

It’s officially wedding season. While we adore getting to celebrate love and a chance to dress up and dance, it can also be a pricey time of year.

Whether you’re in the wedding party or attending as a guest, it’s likely you’ve thought carefully about your wedding gift. It’s also likely that what you consider to be ‘appropriate’ is different from others attending, making it tricky to navigate.

Looking for more thought-provoking reads? Try our Life section.

Do you give a gift, or is cash okay? How close are you to the couple? Should you pay for your ‘seat’? Or should you spend based on what you can afford? There’s no right answer, but we’re curious how people navigate this age-old debate.

Grace*, 23, she/her

I would spend $100 as a base gift for a couple that I’m just an acquaintance with. If I had a partner, this would remain the same – I’d feel comfortable gifting them $200 from both of us. But the gift would go up in value from there depending on how close I am with them.

Anita*, 31, she/her

I would spend $200 per person. I usually cover what I imagine is the cost of my head, plus a gift. I don’t particularly think it’s okay to attend empty-handed, but a card should be the minimum.

Ally*, 30, she/her

$0. I’ve only really been to quite untraditional, low-key weddings where I’ve had to travel to get there. Taking time off, buying flights and accommodation is expensive already and honestly, the thought of getting a wedding gift didn’t even cross my mind. However, I’m a makeup artist so for close friends and family, I always offer my services to the bride (and bridesmaids) on the day, free of charge, probably saving them hundreds!

I think if I were older and earning more money, I would spend around $100 and ask friends to go in with me on something like a piece of art or some beautiful homeware.

Kara*, 34, she/her

I think $100 is a good amount, especially for close friends and to celebrate a special occasion. I think it’s important to think about your income first, then try to pay back a portion of the cost to host you at their wedding.

Lisa*, 31, she/her

I would usually gift at least $200 per person for my partner and I, or if we’re really close to the couple then a total of $500.

Pia*, 35, she/her

On average, I would gift $150 per person, or $200 from a couple. In saying that, I do think it depends on where the wedding is and you had to travel to get there. If it’s a camping wedding, I would give less than if it were in a venue. It also depends how close you are with the couple, it’s very much varied.

Deepthi*, 36, she/her

$100 in their currency. At one time, that felt like a significant amount of money, but not so much anymore. However, I’m not wealthy so my capacity to pay more hasn’t necessarily increased. I also think if someone is inviting me solely for a gift, that’s disingenuous and they should be happy with my love and support.

If you’re planning a wedding and expecting a specific value in return, reconsider. If you can’t pay for your wedding without relying on gifts then hold off on the wedding.

Evie*, 47, she/her

I’d spend between $100 to $200. If it were a close family or best friend, then it could be a bit more, but I don’t think you should have to spend outrageous amounts!

Maria*, 25, she/her

I’ve only been to a couple of weddings so far. One involved travelling and accommodation, so I didn’t give a gift. Another was a close friend, so I spent $150 (which felt like a lot). I don’t love the idea of ‘paying for your head’, but if I’m giving money, then I’d base it on how close I am to the couple – like I would for a birthday gift. I think weddings should be a little more than birthdays, so take what you’d spend on that and up it a little (if you can afford to).

Tahlia*, 30, she/her

$100-200, but it very much depends on how close I am with the couple and if it’s costing money to attend the wedding (i.e., a destination wedding). I recently asked this question to people in the office and most agreed that $250 was an appropriate value. I suggested that number to the group chat and they all thought it was way too much. And I agreed!

*Names have been changed.

For more on the rise of destination weddings, try this.