What’s it really like to get divorced in your twenties?

“Most of all, it breaks and strengthens you beyond what you ever assumed was possible.”

When we see stories of divorce in popular culture, they almost always follow older couples. Typically their marriage has been crumbling for years, they’re splitting their assets with the lawyers, they’re having adulterous affairs with their son’s soccer coach… that kind of thing.

But for those who get divorced young, the story is quite different. Many of us aren’t even married by the end of our twenties, let alone divorced. Break-ups are messy and for those who get divorced young, it’s often uncharted territory. Maybe they felt judged for rushing into commitment with the wrong person, or grateful to get out of a bad marriage (relatively) early. The scope of emotions is broad and nuanced.

Interested to hear how others navigate the world? Head to our Life section. 

After Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas’ turbulent divorce was splattered across the headlines, other celebrities who divorced in young sprung to mind: Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds (23 and 31), Kim Kardashian and Damon Thomas (22 and 31) and Katy Perry and Russell Brand (28 and 38), to name a few. 

This isn’t a huge surprise – celebrity divorce rates have proven to be significantly higher than the rest of the population – but outside of the spotlight, what’s it really like to go through a divorce young?

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the median age to divorce in 2022 was 43.7 for women and 46.7 for men; a statistic that’s only been getting older since the ’80s. Those who do get married earlier in life have a higher rate of divorce than those who wait until they’re older – 48 per cent of couples who marry before the age of 18 get divorced within 10 years, compared to 25 per cent of couples who marry after age 25. 

“[Getting divorced in my twenties felt] very similar to being married in my twenties,” says Amy*, a Fashion Journal reader. “Not many could relate. Not many understood. No one (or what felt like no one) in my circle was experiencing this. It was isolating and overwhelming.”

After being friends with her ex-partner for six years, she married him at age 20. Five years later, they were divorced. “​​Fortunately, my departure had no attachments. I was about to close that chapter of my life and move on,” she says. 

“I got to experience my late twenties doing what I had missed out on earlier, though with a more worldly idea of relationships. It takes a toll on who you’re going to let in and how. But most of all, it breaks and strengthens you beyond what you ever assumed was possible.”

Getting divorced young means there’s less likely to be factors like children and shared properties in the mix, which makes it easier to split without complications. However, another part of being young is the unpredictability that comes with it: we’re out on our own for the first time, trying to figure out who we are and what we stand for. This means those who tie the knot at a younger age are at a higher risk of growing apart as they mature.

Eli* also shared her story. “I left my husband for a woman. My ex-husband and I met as teenagers, at 17 years old. We were married at 21 years old. Our experience was mostly happy, we achieved so much together and I couldn’t picture a life without him. 

“I had met my now partner, who pulled me in like gravity. She’s filled my life with so much colour and I had fallen deeply in love. My husband and I approached this as honestly and openly as we could. We ended up splitting amicably (kind of) when we were 27 years old and divorced officially the following year.”

Since splitting up, both Eli and her former husband have met people more suited to them – he has a baby on the way and she’s just brought her first home with her current partner. While she’s never regretted her choice, Eli says it wasn’t always easy.

“At first [it felt] scary and shameful. Now it feels almost chic like I’ve lived a life that’s complicated and interesting,” she says. “Although [it was] really difficult, I had to really reflect and grow. I am living my life so vibrantly now. I absolutely made the right decisions.”

For others who are going through a similar situation and are feeling guilty, embarrassed or alone, Eli offers some empathy: “I felt so much pressure from the societal norms and expectations. I want others to know that it happens and it’s really okay to come out of it better than you were before.”

*Names have been changed.

For more on getting divorced young, head here.