“You have an innate capacity to observe your own thinking”: An excerpt from ‘Your Name is Not Anxious’

“I have never met anyone who suffers chronic anxiety or depression who does not suffer from their own thoughts – and there’s a kind of tragedy in that.”

So much of what passes for education is about rote learning and not enquiring. Thinking about thinking benefits us. So, I was delighted to discover how much our brains apparently welcome being startled. (Not frightened, but given a shake-up by considering something new – excellent ‘brain therapy’ at any age.)

Great poetry can startle you, so does a vigorous exchange of ideas, a work of art, or deep looking at or into something awesome in nature. A sensual moment of delight is a wonderful way to be startled. So is rethinking a familiar assumption that is weighing you down. So is discovering that something is so ridiculous or hilarious you are laughing out loud.

Taking in enough new information to ‘startle’ your familiar assumptions demands a willing openness of mind. This is fine when you are excited about life and thriving. It becomes harder if you feel ruled by anxiety and are more in survival mode.

To explore your own patterns of thinking, it helps to consider thinking as something you do: it is not who you are. You may well ‘live in your head’. (That’s been me for much of my life.) You may value your intellect above anything else. (Hmmm, maybe me there also?) Your greatest pleasures may come from ‘thinking activities’ like reading, talking, writing.

You may even be aware that your brain never stops ‘thinking’ and ‘telling stories’ even when you are sleeping (and your unconscious is prompting you via dreams). And what are stories but a series of thoughts and ideas, impressions and assumptions, strung together?

This is the insight that gives birth to multiple insights. It is the basis of all mindful meditation practices that are at least 2500 years old. I would venture to say it’s an insight as old as consciousness because that’s what you are exercising, an ‘awake’ awareness that you have thoughts that are not all that you are.

How is this relevant for those of us who are at hyper-expert level when it comes to worried or anxious thinking, who can swiftly and in great detail imagine a dozen scenarios, each one grimmer than the last? It is wholly relevant.

Experiencing that your thoughts and especially your patterns of thinking are not inevitable, not all-powerful, not with you ‘forever’ and not defining you, is radically freeing from ways of thinking that may be limiting or even bullying you. This is not a mysterious process. You have an innate capacity to observe your own thinking. Nor does it require you to be a skilled meditator, or any kind of meditator. Or to stop thought (you can’t).

It simply asks that you pause, go inward, and observe. Pause and observe (your own thoughts) to loosen the idea that your thoughts are something that can push you around, frighten you, put you down, or make your sense of self far more fragile than it needs to be.

If I have not made this clear enough, I so wish we could sit together at this very moment, for I have never met anyone who suffers chronic anxiety or depression who does not suffer from their own thoughts – and there’s a kind of tragedy in that.

Your magnificent mind should be a source of creativity, curiosity, strength and wonder, and it can be. Anxious thinking – A-grade worrying, which is my speciality, driving a kind of obsessive perfectionism where I can only fail – will not disappear, The volume, though, can be turned down. Other possibilities can arise.

Your inevitable storytelling (self-talk) can gain a new tone. A bolder ‘view’ and understanding are needed, plus the courage at least to experiment with the idea that thoughts are inevitable yet are not the key to your identity.

‘I have thoughts. I am more than my thoughts. I have feelings. I am more than my feelings. I have instincts, memories, opinions. I have consciousness and imagination. I am more than all those precious aspects of being human. I have regrets, sorrows, griefs. They are part of who I am. They are not all of who I am.’

This is an edited extract from Your Name is Not Anxious by Stephanie Dowrick, out now through Allen & Unwin. You can get a copy here.