Diary of a fashion outsider: Why is wearing a jacket so damn challenging for bloggers?

Words by Bianca O'Neill

Image via Margaret Zhang

The world of fashion can be a confusing place.

Oh, hi there. You probably didn’t see me over here – maybe because I’m still wearing skinny jeans (apparently they’re sah overrr).

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about trends that non-fashion people just don’t ‘get’. Like why the ’90s keeps coming back. Or why these people are taking their dedication to ripped denim to a whole new, confusing level right now.

But the most perplexing trend of all is why bloggers find wearing a jacket so damn challenging.

As we all know, winter calls for fairly simple garments called ‘jackets’ and ‘coats’. Basically, they have two holes through which you put your arms to keep warm. Genius.

However, bloggers (the unique and special creatures that they are), won’t have a bar of this #basic and #mainstream rendition of what they like to term outerwear.

Instead, they have rules.

As an entry level blogger, one must wear all jackets draped across one’s shoulders while nonchalantly exiting your limo at the red carpet getting off the tram at the nearest stop to the event. As far as I can tell, this is because:

a) Margaret Zhang did it
b) The triple C of draping: Coats Crush Clothes
c) That way, when taking an #ootd, you can actually see the Helmut Lang H&M dress underneath
d) Margaret Zhang did it

Yes, it repeatedly blows off in strong winds and (non-fash) people laugh will laugh at you. But bloggers have to do it – otherwise the fashion Illuminati will kick them off Instagram. I think.

Next level bloggers, however, must step up their game. 

It seems these days that every blogger and his dog (which also sits front row, btw) is draping their jackets. Snore! So now it’s time for something new and exciting. 

That’s right kids, it is now time to put an arm in your jacket. 

Just take your right arm, and slip it in… No, wait!! What are you doing?!

Just. One. Just one arm.

Welcome. You’ve now unlocked blogger level Zhang

What’s that you say? You’ve already moved on from the single arm? Wow. I’m really excited for you – it feels like it was only yesterday you learnt how to flatlay a circular object without it rolling off your white board. 

Ok, you asked for it. But please check your #fblogger credentials with your stylist before attempting this next move. 

Sample the ‘double jacket’ at your peril. I, for one, will not take ANY responsibility when you end up on @hownotto and cry yourself to sleep over Instagrammable Yo-Chi.

Observe, our blogger queen, slaying the two-for-one.

I’m left with so many questions: Do your arms go into at least one of the jackets? Will you have to pay excess baggage when you show up at the airport, and the lady at the desk thinks you’re wearing your entire wardrobe to reduce check in baggage weight? 

And just how do you hide the sweat beads developing on your tinted moisturiser? It’s not waterproof! DAMMIT, ZHANG!

I guess we’re just all going to have to accept that bloggers are a perplexingly sartorial species unto their own.

Right… So who’s up for the one-armed-double-jacket next fash week then? 

Follow Bianca’s confusing fashion journey here.

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