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We need to talk about JT and Jessica Biel’s outifts at the Louis Vuitton show

Words by Sasha Gattermayr

Illuminati?

I guffawed when I saw this on my Explore feed last night in a pre-sleep scroll. Justin Timberlake looked fresh outta Blue Water High with his pinstripe blazer over a black and white LV logo T-shirt. Was this high fashion?

He had literally captioned the photo, “Human anklet not included”, whatever that means. Is he referring to a baby? Why is he wearing a bumbag satchel on the inside of his jacket like a true American safeguarding his valuables against European pickpockets? Was the solo pinky ring necessary? Did Jessica Biel’s hair stylist have a mood board consisting only of Anna Kendrick in Pitch Perfect?

I just have so many questions.

 

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Last night at @louisvuitton. Human anklet not included. Congrats on the collection @nicolasghesquiere!

A post shared by Justin Timberlake (@justintimberlake) on

Mostly, it was Jessica Biel’s tri-tone motorcycle bolero jacket that caught my attention, its absence of function second only to its lack of aesthetic value. The Tudor-style collar alone would have been sufficiently sartorial for the #frow, but the inverse darts on the striped skirt make it gather in a strange way and the lapels are too long to be in proportion with the rest of the ensemble. It got me thinking, was there something more subliminal at play?

Blame The Louvre location, but the repeated triangular symbology structuring the photo errs on the side of a Da Vinci Code-scale secret sect. Notice how the lines in Biel’s outfit all point to the centre of the photograph? Or how JT’s discreet belted harness structure does the same? Their coupled stance points inwards, emphasising a vanishing point at the centre of the frame which is aligned with the pointed structure of the Louvre pyramid in the background.

Coincidence? I think not.

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