How I’m navigating swimwear season as a transmasc person

“Binding tape is really handy for swimming but only on days where I really need the extra boost of affirmation.”

Whether you’re trans or cis, feminine or masculine, human or alien – for some of us, swimwear season can be intimidating because exposing your body is an act of vulnerability. When you’re socially conditioned to perceive different bodies in a certain way, it’s not hard to see why swimwear can be a difficult subject to approach for different people. 

For trans people especially, when our bodies are already weaponised against us to invalidate our identity, swimwear can feel threatening to how we perceive ourselves and how we want to exist in our world. With my medical transition journey slowly kicking off, my personal gripe with swimwear is how to tackle feeling confident in it without feeling insecure about my chest.

For more fashion news, shoots, articles and features, head to our Fashion section.

Top surgery, which in my case is the removal of breast tissue for a more masculinised chest appearance, is extremely unaffordable for a lot of young people and not covered under medicare or health insurance, often claimed as a cosmetic procedure. In order to feel more confident this summer, I’ve had to try a combination of binding techniques and restructure how I think about my body. 

Before going into summer, I had to sit-down with myself and think about how I can approach swimwear while undergoing huge changes in my body. Newly introduced to the world of testosterone gel, my body had already been shifting through the motions of puberty: more sweating, more body acne and more hair in new places. While these changes are liberating, they’re also terrifying. I’d spent so long carefully constructing my relationship with my body after puberty, and having to go through it again is exhausting. 

But I also have to remind myself it’s something to be grateful for. There’s great happiness and joy to be found in rebuilding this relationship with myself. A huge part of transitioning is to also check in with my mental health and nurture all the sore aches I’ve experienced with my body in the past. 

I remember when I interviewed non-binary therapist Mish Kumar-Johnson last year about gender dysphoria and their advice still sticks with me to this day: when you’re feeling disconnected with your body, try transforming those thoughts into ones of gratitude. Yes, I unfortunately have boobs, but they’re attached to the same body that moved house last year, that loves my friends and feels the sun and sand at the beach. 

The type of swimwear I put on ranges, depending on my self-confidence on a particular day. If I’m feeling up to it, I’ll wear a bikini top because I feel self-assured of my identity and nothing could change that. Other times, however, I’ve had to try to bind my chest in order to feel safe and good about myself, and that’s okay. 

This week, I tried binding tape for the first time and wore a sports bra over the top for extra padding. I purchased the Sock Drawer Heroes 4” Mixtape in my favourite colour, green. Making my transition instruments my favourite colours makes me feel like I’m engaging in play, and really helps with the daunting aspects of changing my body (even if they’re changes I want!).

I carefully followed the this guide for the tape and ended up with a very messy bind, but it had my intended effect. With all of my swim tops, I pair them with board shorts because they feel most affirming to me. Gender is an extremely personal experience and no matter what you choose to wear, your identity is your own and you should play with mixing and matching different items to see what makes you feel good.

My binding tape held up well in the water (and my sweat) but I eventually decided to take it off after a swim as I’d incorrectly taped somewhere and felt pain in my left breast. It’s always important to listen to your body, especially when it comes to binding, because unsafe binding can always lead to more complicated medical conditions later on. 

For my first time using binding tape, I could see the pros; unlike normal binders, tape can stay on your body much longer, usually up to a couple of days. It’s also more comfortable if applied correctly, and is water resistant. However, I definitely need to not rush the learning process and reduce my expectations for binding tape to be a perfect solution for swimwear. 

For one thing, I just can’t be bothered sometimes and I want to chuck a top on and get in the water. Binding tape is really handy for swimming but only on days where I really need the extra boost of affirmation. A huge part of swimwear for me in the summer months is the mental aspects of gender affirmation. When I remind myself that my body doesn’t determine who I am, rather it’s a vessel for me to experience all the sensations of the world around me, I feel better about it no matter what I’m wearing. 

For more on safe chest binding, read this.