19 Kath & Kim quotes that hit different for anyone in lockdown

Oh, it’s a crime against humanity to keep this locked up.

We’re all starting to really buckle under the weight of a ‘second-wave’ and for some of us in Australia that looks grimmer than others. In a perfect world, we would be escaping winter somewhere exotic, like Noosa. But for those of us confined to free-to-air television, footy franks and Tia Maria, we’re in need of some serious morale-boosting. That, or we could drown our sorrows in a Billabong. 

If,  like me, your vocab has been limited to ‘Yeah’, ‘Nah’ and ‘Anyone want another cup of tea?’, you’ll be pleased to feast your eyes on a selection of highly relevant and wise quotes from two bona fide Australian icons, Kath and Kim. Use them thick and fast.

For Kath & Kim quotes that double up as life advice for the holiday season, head here.

1. “I just want to make a little speech here, just to fill some time. I look around the room today and see people I barely know and I think: wow, that’s beautiful.”
Use when: You need to fill the awkward silence as everyone logs onto the big, all-office Zoom meeting.

2. “Well, I wasn’t. So, get your facts straight before you start accusing people of being tiddly, ploise.”
Use when: You’ve had a bit too much to drink and you need to defend yourself the next day.

3. “I like to keep myself trim Kim. Does it make me a crim to keep myself trim?”
Use when: You’re copping flack for your at-home workout ventures.

4. “Tonight’s tea’s done, so I might get cracking on tomorrow night’s tea.”
Use when: You’re really getting into the home cooking and just need something to do.

5. “The sooner you realise all men are bastards and develop an interest in sport, the happier you’ll be.”
Use when: Someone in your life is pining for the freer, pre-lockdown days of dating.

6. “You look like a bit of a fashion victim.”
Use when: Someone in your life has completely forgotten how to dress for the outside world.
Tip: If said to you, reply, “Thank you, I do try.”

7. “Oh, it’s a crime against humanity to keep this locked up.”
Use when: You get dressed up to go to the living room and you just can’t believe the world isn’t seeing it.

8. “Everyone’s so self-obsessed, am I the only one around here thinking about me?”
Use when: You’ve got the iso blues and are in need of a little attention.

9. “Right, better get cracking on some of those important projects of mine.”
Use when: You’re trying to get your mum off FaceTime so you can go back to watching The Bold Type.

10. “I’m dying in this townhouse.”
Use when: You’re tired of your four walls and down to your last packet of Sakatas.

11. “For your information, I do have a date! A sticky date!”
Use when: Friends in relationships ask how your lockdown love life is going.

12. “You know what I miss, Mum? Going to the pub and getting literally legless.”
Use when: You’ve lost touch with reality and track of the days since your last parma.

13. “Will I go now? What have I got on tomorrow? Nothing. Right, I better go now.”
Use when: You’re trying to decide whether to bake an entire croquembouche today or tomorrow afternoon. No brainer.

14. “I spilled by Latteeee on my Duuveeet.”
Prue knewwww.

15. “I just wanna go bush, you know, somewhere off the beaten track … like Noosa.”
Use when: You just really, really, REALLY want a holiday. Anywhere. At. All.

16. “I’m not a housewife, I’m a hornbag.”
Use when: You want to skimp on cleaning duties so you can have a Hinge binge.

17. “You know, I didn’t realise Jesus was so buff. Spunk.”
Use when: You’re more than a little bit, um, frustrated.

18. “Mum??!? What happened to all of my Care Bears????”
Use when: You’ve spent a lil too much time getting your home-office-in-your-bedroom juuuuuust right.

19. “Let it go Kath, let it all go. Empty your mind. Empty your mind. Empty? Oh, that was quick.”
Use when: There’s nothing up here anymore. Nothing. Empty. That was quick.

Looking for other Kath & Kim quotes to inspire? Australians can now stream all four seasons on Netflix.