What to know about anal massage, according to a sex therapist

It’s not as easy as giving your partner a back rub; you’ll need to learn a few tricks first.

If you’re unsure how to ease into anal sex, have trouble relaxing, or are just interested in a little butt play, then an anal massage might be exactly what you need. 

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Even without penetration, the anus is full of sensitive nerve endings that can give you intense pleasure, and a massage is a simple and sensual way to stimulate them. However, it’s not as easy as giving your partner a back rub; you’ll need to learn a few tricks first. 

What is an anal massage?

An anal massage is the sensual rubbing of the area in and around the anus to get you relaxed and ready for anal sex. Even though anal sex is usually the goal, many people find anal massage so pleasurable that they don’t need to go any further. 

Most people start with a finger (and lots of lube) and explore the area, applying pressure to tender spots, kneading through tight muscles, and stimulating sensitive nerves. This can feel amazing and loosens the anal muscle group. And yes, it’s safe! As long as you practice good personal hygiene and grooming and take it slow, there’s virtually no risk to an anal massage. We’ll get into those details momentarily.

Things to keep in mind

Communicate

Anal play isn’t really something you should spring on your partner during foreplay or sex. Have the conversation beforehand; this will help you get in the mood and mentally prepare for anal ecstasy. 

Hygiene is a must

Any time you engage in anal play, you need to keep things clean. All it takes is a hot shower with a little extra attention to your ass, but many of us like to go above and beyond. Try to go to the bathroom an hour or so beforehand, and, if you like, use a douche for extra cleaning afterwards.

If you feel like you should vacate your bowels but aren’t able to do so, pick up an enema from your local pharmacy. An enema is a rectally-inserted liquid that will clear everything from your bowels within minutes of use. They’re available over the counter and can eliminate the ‘poop anxiety’ that many of us feel about anal play. 

Trim your nails

This might seem obvious, but people often forget to cut their nails before anal play. The skin of the anus is very tight and sensitive, so long nails often cause small cuts that can lead to pain or infection.

It definitely doesn’t feel good to have long nails scraping around inside you. Plus, you don’t want anal bacteria getting under your fingernails. Either way, make sure you wash your hands thoroughly before and after anal play. 

How to get started

Lube, lube, lube

The importance of good lube cannot be overstated when it comes to anal. In general, oil-based lubes will last longer, while water-based lubes are better with sex toys and condoms but need to be reapplied more often. No matter what lube you choose, use it generously. An anal massage is supposed to be enjoyable, not painful. Lube is what makes that possible. 

Take it slow

You’ll want to build up to the anal massage, so don’t skip the foreplay. Start with a full-body or lower-body massage and work your way gently to the anus. Make your partner feel weightless and carefree as your hands work out the tension in their body. Squeeze their thighs, ass, and lower back as you gingerly make your way closer to their anus. Tease their taint and ass with your fingers, tongue, and lips until the anticipation becomes too much to bear. 

It’s all in the technique

No two people like exactly the same thing – especially when it comes to their ass. There are hundreds of ways to give a great anal massage, but ultimately it’s going to come down to what you and your partner enjoy the most. That being said, I’ve got some tips to get you started. 

Circling the anus with a well-lubricated finger builds anticipation and gives your partner that sensual tingling without diving into full anal stimulation. It’s a perfect move for beginning an anal massage. You can start with big circles and make them steadily smaller.

It’s also a good idea to play with your partner’s genitals with your other hand, but be careful not to cross-contaminate. You don’t want anal bacteria spreading anywhere else. 

Rub up and down or side to side, tapping and pressing on the anus every now and then. You can do this with one finger or several as long as you’re gentle. Try alternating the sensations by doing different things with your fingers, using two hands, or even using your tongue. 

Tease penetration with your finger, but don’t rush into it. Vibrators feel incredible in and on the ass, so experiment with an anal-safe vibrator in multiple ways. You can insert the vibrator if you and your partner are comfortable with that, or you can tease the outer anus or taint with vibrations that reverberate through the whole area. 

Takeaway

Anal play isn’t always intuitive, and it’ll take some trial and error to get your massage just right. Use lots of lube, communicate with your partner, and practice good hygiene! Once you get your anal massage into the perfect rhythm, you’ll never go back.