What are the best sex toys for couples to use?

WORDS By Lauren Payne

Who said three’s a crowd?

Sex toys are probably one of the most intriguing, and enticing, inventions the world has ever seen. If you’ve used one before, you’ll know just how incredible they can make you feel and if you haven’t, I’m sure there have been one or two aesthetically pleasing toys that have caught your eye.

If you’ve got a partner you’re having sex with on a regular basis, you may have thought about using a sex toy when you’re getting intimate with them. Using a sex toy with a partner can help you have incredible orgasms, but how do you know which toy you should be reaching for?

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To help you narrow down your search, I asked two sexologists for their advice on which sex toys are perfect for partnered play, so you know exactly where to start looking. If you’ve talked to your partner about adding a toy into your sexual routine, sexologist and proud First Nations woman Lauren French says the best place to start is with a toy you already own.

“If you’ve got sex toys already, use the ones you already have, to introduce your partner to them… Even if they’re not designed for couples play, you’re going to already be comfortable with the toys you already know, so that’s going to be the softest [launch] into using a sex toy.”

If you and your partner aren’t really vibing (pun intended!) the toys you already own, you may want to purchase a new one to try out together. Certified somatic sex coach Georgia Grace says that when you’re shopping for a brand new toy, it’s important to ask yourself what you and your partner both personally enjoy, as not everybody experiences pleasure in the same way.

“It’s so individual and it depends on the type of sex that you’re having and the type of stimulation you want to enjoy. This is more a question for the individual to [ask themselves]. What does my body like? How do I like to be touched? What kind of tool would be great to integrate into a sexual experience?’”.

If you’re a fan of external stimulation and you’d like to give your partner more control over your climaxes, Lauren suggests trying a toy you can control with either a remote or an app on your phone.

We-Vibe is really great for their hands-free toys you can wear, that’ll stimulate the clitoris, the internal vagina while having penetrative sex, or that stimulates a penis if you’re having heteronormative sex.”

Getting experimental

Lauren also suggests investigating toys that you may not instinctively shop for. There are a lot of toys that can provide incredible stimulation, that people often forget about as they’re not as widely discussed as dildos and vibrators.

“I think people will instantly go for a vibrator or a dildo, and think that they’re the only sex toys, but cock rings are really great for couple use, and not only for prolonging an erection. You can get vibrators on them as well, so it’s really about mutual pleasure.

“Then [there are] anal toys because anal toys can be used on all bodies – all bodies can enjoy anal toys. Having those involved for both bodies can be enhancing for sex as well.”

Lauren recommends using toys in a variety of ways to deliver different sensations. Although a sex toy manufacturer may have designed a toy for a specific purpose, it doesn’t mean it still can’t be used in a way that suits you and your partners’ individual needs.

“You may even have a toy, like a little vibrator, that you don’t actually use for genitals, but you use for nipples. You could use it for different parts of the body. It’s just one of those things where you use the toy for whatever works for your body and for your partner. Put a clitoral suction toy over your nipple and see what that feels like. Really explore the sensations.”

Lauren also suggests trying multiple toys at once. This will not only help you discover what you find enjoyable, but it’ll also help your partner discover alternative ways they like to receive pleasure and really help you bond over that mutual satisfaction.

“When we think about sex toys as well, I think you also have to start slightly broadening to things like nipple clamps and those sorts of sensory-type things… Vibrators and dildos are amazing, but we can broaden the idea of sex toys for couples with the different parts of the body you want to stimulate.

“Using something that’s an internal and external toy, or it’s one of those things where one person is using an external, let’s say, clitoral vibrator or suction toy, and the other person is using an anal toy, or an internal toy [at the same time].”

There are quite a lot of sex toys out there and so many stores, both online and offline, that you could spend hours scouring to find the perfect toy for you and your partner. If you’ve spent a lot of time browsing and find you’re still having trouble narrowing down on one or two toys to buy, Georgia says an online quiz could be your saving grace.

“Where I often will send people is to go and do Normal’s quiz, because it takes you through a range of different questions to recommend something that might be a great place for you start. Then you can try [the toy] out and see whether it is the best thing for you. If you don’t find something that works, you can send it back and they will make sure you find the best toy for you.”

Lauren advises shopping with your partner for a toy, as they may have their own list of specifications that could help cross a few options off your list. “If you do want to get a toy with your partner, shop with your partner for them. Sit online together and look through them, go to a shop together, talk about what you’re wanting and be open to trying things that you’re unsure about.”

Ultimately, the best sex toy for you to use with your partner is a toy that brings you both pleasure. Whether that means you both use the same toy, your partner uses a toy to enhance your climax, or you’re able to stimulate them with a toy you’ve bought together.

Some people may be worried about bringing a toy into a sexual relationship and it’s important to be aware of your partner’s boundaries, as well as your own, before introducing one into the mix.

As long as you’ve had an open conversation with your partner about what you’re both comfortable doing during sex, and what your specific sexual needs are, Georgia says you’ll eventually find a toy that ticks all the right boxes.

“People think toys are just for solo use, but it is normal and human and lots and lots of people are having really great sex with their partner, using toys. I think there is a lot of stigma around bringing sex toys into a relationship and we can’t speak about it. It does form a bit of a barrier for people and makes them uncomfortable.

“They can feel less than, they can feel like it’s a competition between them and the toy, and they can also miss the education and believe that sex is just between two people and nothing else. Sex is creative and should be pleasurable and fun for people.”

For more sex toys for couples, try this.

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