I’m glad my boyfriend doesn’t use social media, here’s why

“Having a partner who is so non-focused on social media has completely changed how I view and use it myself.”

On my third date with my now-boyfriend, we were sitting on his couch side by side. I was scrolling on my phone, switching between Instagram and emails, and he said to me “Are you one of those girls who is on her phone all the time?”. I decided right on the spot that while I had been one of those girls, I didn’t want to be anymore.

It turned out that he didn’t have social media – well, he had the obligatory high school Facebook account, but no TikTok, Instagram or anything else. At first, I wondered why he didn’t use any social media, and almost wished he had Instagram so I could show him to my friends when I debriefed them about our first few dates. But the longer we’ve been dating, the more I realise it’s a positive thing that he doesn’t use social media. 

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As a teenager and young adult who dreamed of a happy, loving relationship, I always believed that once I got a boyfriend I’d want to shout about it from the rooftops. I used to fantasise about flooding my Instagram with cute pictures of me and the person I was in love with; holding hands, going out together – whatever it is that happy couples do. 

But once I finally found the person who made me happier than I thought I could ever be, I didn’t just resist sharing it online. I actually wanted to keep it private. It almost felt like I had to nurture this budding relationship to protect it from judgment or observation. It was new and precious. I wanted to keep it all to myself. 

I found I was so happy being in the moment with my boyfriend that I didn’t need to shout about it online. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with soft (or hard) launching a relationship on social media. Quite the opposite. It’s exactly what I fantasised about doing for as long as I can remember. But when I was actually in the situation, it didn’t feel like the right approach for me or my relationship. 

I found that the longer we continued to date and learn and love each other, the less I cared about posting online (about our relationship or otherwise). In fact, having a partner who is so non-focused on social media has completely changed how I view and use it myself. 

Since I met my boyfriend, I’ve spent significantly less time curating and fussing over my Instagram and TikTok. I’ve let go of the expectation that I need to post high-quality content regularly – in fact, my posting style has changed dramatically this year. 

Rather than posting daily outfit pictures and curated Instagram stories, I’ve taken to putting my phone away and using it more to take pictures than anything else when I’m out. I love capturing small moments of beauty, whether that’s the swirl of oat milk in my iced latte, or a dew drop-covered flower on my morning walk. 

Instead of taking a photo and posting it straight onto Instagram Stories or TikTok, I gather collections of these ‘small moment’ photos only periodically, and when I find the time. Now, my posts are more like collections of joy rather than manicured images with retouched brightness and saturation. Again, there’s nothing wrong with being more focused on social media and I still love Lightroom, I just don’t feel the need to do these things anymore. 

My boyfriend, although unintentionally, has taught me by example that it can be pleasurable to just put your phone away and focus on the moment. The time that we spend together is infinitely more special than anything I could experience on social media. 

The main thing I’ve found about my normcore relationship is that having less social media ‘presence’ takes the pressure off a bit. I don’t feel like I need to show up and prove my relationship to anyone. We are perfectly happy just the two of us, and I don’t need to post a picture to substantiate it. Anyone who comes across us in real life would be able to see that we’re happy in our own little world.

For advice on taking a social media break, head here.