What is cuffing season, really? I asked a sex and relationships therapist

Reason, season or lifetime?

As we move into the colder part of the year, it’s natural for life to get a bit gloomy and to feel a little lonely sometimes. Although you may have no problem cooping up and binging Netflix shows alone, it might be nice to have someone to share that bottle of wine with.

The complexities of dating can be unmotivating on the best of days – let alone in winter when people are going out less, and the desire to get dressed up to meet someone for a drink is minimal. So what if you partnered up with someone just for the season?

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Putting aside the fairytale of finding the ‘one’, imagine setting out to find a short-term winter fling. How does that saying go? ‘People enter our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime?’ 

Defining ‘cuffing season’

Although the idea of seeking out short-term, casual romantic relationships isn’t new, ‘cuffing season’ describes the concept of seeking out someone to couple up with as a way to get past the tedious reality of winter. 

To find out more about cuffing season, I spoke to Sex and Relationship Therapist Mim Kempson. She admits it’s not a term she personally uses, and that she sees it as a convenient cop-out from commitment – a winter-specific situationship. However, Mim agrees that if both parties consent, it’s definitely something both parties can enjoy. 

Hypothetically, if I or someone I knew wanted to couple up in cuffing season, are there any clear dos and don’ts?

Cuffing season or not, when it comes to situationships, it’s especially important that no one makes assumptions. Talk. Get clear on whether you’ll continue seeing other people, whether you’ll introduce each other to friends or keep it on the down low, and whether you’re open to it evolving into something long-term or not. Make sure you’re on the same page about what a seasonal, short-lived relationship looks like for both of you. 

Is it best to share your intentions and let people know you only want to couple up short term?

Communication is the foundation to respect. We can’t read people’s minds, nor can they read ours. Be honest about your needs, expectations and how much you can give emotionally and time-wise. It’s possible to have respectful (and self-respecting) casual relationships, so long as there’s open communication.

Is it healthy to get involved with someone with no intention for it to last longer than a few months?

The best way to find out whether something is ‘healthy’ is to ask ourselves, ‘Am I okay with the effects this choice has on my life?’.  Is opting into cuffing season and situationships making you anxious, chipping at your self-esteem, subtracting from your personal goals, work or other relationships? If yes, it’s probably unhealthy. Consider whether being in situationships aligns with who you are and where you’re headed in life.

Do you find that more people will tend to ‘settle’ for the sake of having someone during winter?

Seasonal affective disorder is real. People who experience seasonal affective disorder tend to have symptoms of having low energy and feeling sluggish, so I would guess that definitely plays a part in us not ‘feeling ourselves’ during this season and therefore, not making great decisions. 

How do you politely end your cuffing season affair?

Make it easier for yourself by establishing clear terms from the beginning to avoid any surprises when it ends. Discuss at the start how you will determine an end and how you can do so with respect and care. 

Interested in reading more of Mim’s relationship advice? Head here.