Why is it so embarrassing to be a millennial right now?

“What a wakeup call it was to realise I’m decidedly uncool, as is my entire generation.”

I have a confession to make. In my closet, I have a T-shirt that says ‘But first, coffee’. In fact, as recent as a year ago, I had the term ‘over-caffeinated’ in my Instagram bio. That’s right, I committed the common millennial sin – I made loving coffee part of my personality.

There was a time when my Instagram feed would have been absolutely rife with fodder for Gen Z to mock. I’ve used #adulting. I’ve cut my hair and captioned the subsequent selfie, “I did a thing”. I’ve used the word ‘doggo’ unironically in my darker days, and you can pry the cry-laughing emoji from my cold, dead hands.

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So, in short, I’m an embarrassing millennial. And that’s the trend at the moment, isn’t it? Gen Z making fun of millennials for the quirks that out us as old and out of touch (think, ‘the millennial pause‘, cringe-y slang, liking skinny jeans etc). When the tidal wave of mocking came crashing down, I admit, I was a little surprised – mostly because, at only 30, I still like to think of myself as slightly in the loop.

What a wakeup call it was to realise I’m decidedly uncool, as is my entire generation. But let us consider the millennial generation for a moment. We grew up in an era of rapid technological and social change with a life pathway that had only somewhat been forged by the generation before us. We were told we could be anything and everything – and huge numbers of us developed anxiety due to the overwhelming nature of all those options and expectations.

We were the generation who realised we didn’t have to follow in our parents’ footsteps – marriage at 21 and the children and white picket fence by 25 – but we hadn’t quite figured out what we wanted instead. So, a lot of us ended up feeling guilty and a little lost as we entered our twenties.

The result, I think, is that a lot of us still feel young because the benchmark for what we considered an ‘adult’ was set by our parents and consisted of the family unit, the house and the career. When many of us don’t have all three of these (thanks, housing market) it makes us still feel undeveloped in some way. 

Realising we’re getting old has been jarring. I don’t doubt much of the knee-jerk defensiveness we feel at the mocking of our idiosyncrasies is simply the result of having a great big bucket of cold water dumped over our heads when we realised we’re no longer the cool generation on the internet.

Considering a lot of us grew up alongside the internet, there’s a territorial sense of, ‘Hey, we were here first, we made this place’ which leaves us hesitant to allow other generations to muscle their way in. There are other layers to the millennial versus Gen Z ‘fight’ as well. As many have pointed out, the entire discourse is inherently White, particularly when you consider that much of the language used by Gen Z and millennials has been co-opted from African American Vernacular English (AAVE).

As articulated by TikTok creator and self-described Gen Z historian Kahlil Greene in an article on the DailyDot, “Much of this Gen Z vs. millennial debate is a debate between White people who actively try to put themselves closer in proximity to Black American culture (Gen Z) and White people who are more distant and entrenched in their own distinct suburban culture (millennials)”.

The way Kahlil frames this discourse brings the issue into sharp focus, highlighting how petty the entire squabble seems while also reminding us of the cultural appropriation that’s occurring. It can be easy to be drawn into the in-fighting, especially when for so long it felt like Gen Z and millennials were on the same side, uniting to tackle societal issues and, occasionally, cracking the odd joke against the more conservative boomer generation.

And look, I believe we’re still on the same side and the back-and-forth ribbing is like family sniping – what’s a little teasing between kin after all? If we agree on the big issues and join forces to tackle the pressing issues of an ailing planet and discriminatory systems of power, I think I can allow a little shade thrown at my millennial pause when I film a video.

Beyond that, the beauty of getting older is letting go of caring what others think of me. Of course, it’s a reality check to no longer be cast in the role of the cool older sister and instead be entering into the era of that-slightly-eccentric-aunt-that-we-tolerate, but as cliche as it sounds, with age comes the wisdom of knowing that the judgement of others doesn’t really matter. ‘Cool’ is subjective, after all.

The internet no longer belongs to us millennials, and I think that’s okay. I’m content to lurk on TikTok and not actively participate. I’m okay with knowing that certain social media platforms might not be made for my generation. I like that I can contemplate new apps like BeReal and think, ‘Hmm, no thanks’, instead of feeling the burning pressure to be across every new platform. Now, if you excuse me, I’ve got a coffee to drink and a doggo to pet.  

For more on the Gen Z/millennial divide, try this.