A guide to face-sitting, according to a somatic sexologist

“It’s extremely intimate and allows you to fully surrender as both the giver and receiver during oral sex.”

Sydney-based somatic sexologist and sex and intimacy coach Alice Child is the founder of Vulva Dialogues. She works with individuals, couples and groups, helping people achieve happier, healthier and more fulfilled sex lives – whatever that means for them. Visit her website for more.

Looking for new ways to inject more fun, intimacy and variety into your sex life? If you haven’t tried face-sitting, it might be just what you’re looking for. It’s extremely intimate and allows you to fully surrender as both the giver and receiver during oral sex.

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Even for people who don’t usually love oral sex, face-sitting can give you a completely different experience. It can be empowering, erotic and mutually pleasurable for both parties.

What is face-sitting?

Face-sitting is a form of oral sex where one partner sits or straddles the other’s face, allowing for very intimate oral sex. The giver pleasures their partner’s genitals using their mouth and tongue, while the receiver has a great time grinding or moving against their partner’s face.

Why is it pleasurable for both people?

For the person who is doing the sitting, this is a position that gives you a lot of control and movement. Unlike other oral sex positions where you are often lying back with the giver on top of you (which can feel quite static), this position puts you in charge.

You can sit down deeper if you want more intense pressure, rise on your knees slightly if you want something more gentle and teasing. You can also move really freely in this position.

Hold on to the headboard and rock your hips/pelvis gently until you find a rhythm that works for you. This sort of movement is also great for turning you on and building blood flow into the pelvis – essential for arousal.

As a position, it also makes all of your genitals more accessible. You can move backwards or forwards to receive oral pleasure wherever you want – from your clitoris/vulva/vagina or testicles way across your perineum to your anus, which are highly sensitive erogenous zones.

This is what’s known as rimming, and the nerve endings around the anus feel amazing when stimulated with a tongue. Remember you should never ‘cross contaminate’ the vagina/vulva with the anus, as that can lead to infections, so go front to back and then stick with it! You can also invest in a pair of Lorals underwear for added protection and hygiene.

For couples who love playing with power, this is also a very sexy and dominating role to play. You can tease your partner with how much access they get to you (and where!), and you can grind into their face when it suits you.

Don’t forget to talk about all of this beforehand so you’ve both had a chance to talk about your desires and boundaries. Agree on a safe signal before doing this sort of play too, as your usual safe word may not work if they can’t speak! For example, a double tap on your leg works well. Safety and consent first – always!

On the giving end, having somebody sit on your face is an extremely immersive and intimate experience that involves all five of your senses. It’s very sexy and empowering to feel, hear and taste your partner get more and more turned on.

Unlike most oral sex positions where the giver is ‘on show’ and sometimes feels like they are performing, during face-sitting, your face is completely hidden from view. This means you can both focus purely on the sensations in your body and what you are experiencing.

This can make people feel less self-conscious about giving and receiving oral sex when lots of people get worried about doing the right thing. For those that like to play with power, the feeling of ‘having your face fucked’ can also be incredibly sexy!

Who can enjoy it?

Face-sitting is an inclusive and versatile position that can be enjoyed by people of all genders, sex, orientation and relationship dynamics.

It might be a tricky or impossible position for people with certain mobility issues or disabilities, so listen to your body and modify it where necessary.

Factors to consider with face-sitting

When trying any new sexual experience for the first time, open communication, consent and comfort are the most important things. Here are some considerations to ensure you both have a safe, fun and sexy experience.

Consent and communication

Always have a conversation with your partner about your desires and boundaries. For example, what do you both want to try? What would be hot for you? What would you feel uncomfortable with? What do you not want?

Self-consciousness

Many people get very self-conscious sitting on somebody’s face for the first time – and frankly, that’s fair enough! Many people don’t have a positive relationship with their genitals and very intimate position! Go at your own pace, and give each other genuine compliments and signs of enthusiasm to help each other feel more comfortable.

Breathing and safe signals

Breathing is a big consideration in this position. Ensure the receiver can breathe comfortably by creating breaks where necessary – and despite the name ‘face-sitting’ don’t just sit on your partner’s face!

Hover over them with your knees on either side of their face, so you can gently lower yourself onto them. Establish non-verbal cues or safe words to communicate. What is your safe word or safe signal if either one of you wants to stop, can’t breathe, or needs to change it up?

Positioning and comfort

Find a comfortable position that works for both partners. Experiment with different angles and cushions to ensure comfort and easy breathing. As the receiver, hold onto the headboard of the bed for added leverage.

Hygiene and safety

Prioritise hygiene by showering before, especially if you’re going to try rimming. Remember you should never ‘cross contaminate’ the vagina/vulva with the anus, as that can lead to infections. For added safety, use a barrier method such as a dental dam or Loral underwear to reduce the risk of STI transmission.

Respect and equality

Face-sitting is an equal exchange of pleasure, where both partners actively participate and get joy. If one of you isn’t having a great time, stop!

Overall, face-sitting can give you a unique blend of sensuality, deep intimacy connection, power play, and shared pleasure. Whether you’re a seasoned explorer or a curious newcomer, face-sitting can be a hot and fun addition to your sex life.

For more on the how-to of oral sex, head here.