Is the cost-of-living crisis impacting your libido?

The link between stress and sex.

It seems nothing is safe from the cost of living crisis. Our groceries, commutes to work and beauty habits have taken a beating, thanks to the impending recession. For something as astronomically global and ambiguously intangible as a plummeting economy, it’s painful to feel how personal the effects of financial stress are.

Money is deeply emotional. The idea that the tightening of purse strings has the ability to elicit physiological reactions may not come as a surprise. “Financial stress is a major worry for Australians. In the last 15 years, the gap between the wealthy and the working class has risen sharply, with young people being worse off with each progressing year,” psychologist and Headspace App’s Mental Health Expert Carly Dober tells me.

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It’s this stress – like any type of stress in life – that can have serious sway when it comes to mental health. But it’s not only mental health it can impact. “Your sexual health is important, and your libido is both impacted by stress and other life events,” Carly says.

That means your sex drive could be influenced by financial stress. A 2006 study found an estimated two million people have lost their sex drive as a result of worrying about money. A 2013 study found women who were shown erotic films while stressed reacted to the content less than those with less cortisol in the body.

The way financial stress interacts with libido can change depending on the person. Carly says some sex drives can increase dramatically, while others can lower dramatically. Ways this can manifest include an inability to orgasm, difficulty getting into the ‘right’ headspace or feeling distracted while engaging in sexual activity. On the flip side, people may experience a fixation on sex and sexual release, and use sexual activity as a distraction from money stresses.

Melbourne mum of two, Stella* shares how financial stress has affected her sex life. “Financial stress impacts my mind more than anything. It’s hard to change your mindset and get in an intimate mood when all you can focus on is the stress,” she says. “When I’m stressed, it tends to drain all of my energy so the last thing I’ve wanted to do is act on impulses to have sex.”

Financial stress can also show itself in the form of mood swings, difficulty sleeping, tiredness, withdrawal from others and catastrophising thoughts like, ‘I’ll never get out of this’ or ‘We’ll always struggle with money’.

“Financial stress has become a hindrance to my sex life,” Stella admits. “At times I wonder why have sex when all I can think about is the future and how we are going to buy a bigger house, send kids to private schools or go on that overseas trip. I think it creates bigger stress because it doesn’t only affect myself, it affects our family and what the future will look like.”

On top of this, Stella points to the added pressure that it weighs on the relationship with her partner. “Less sex is less sex at the end of the day, which ultimately strains the relationship,” she says. “I have to consciously remind myself that letting stress affect my sex life won’t actually change the situation.”

Instead of piling on guilt associated with lower libido, Stella tries to ground herself mentally by taking time to rest and read. “[It] helps me unwind and refocus my mind away from the stress and this ultimately allows me to open up,” she says.

If your partner is dealing with a change in sexual appetite due to financial stressors, Carly suggests offering them practical help or providing a distraction in the form of an activity together. “Try to not pressure them about sex if there is a period of not connecting physically as this will heighten their stress about it,” she adds. “Connect together in other ways like hugging and spooning, and let them chat [with] you about how their stress is impacting them.

Carly also recommends opening up about these stressors with close friends and family as both emotional support and close relationships are types of stress relievers. “Focus on your stress management tools, such as quality sleep, good enough nutrition, movement and engaging in guided mindfulness practice to keep you in contact with the present moment… Remember that this likely is a season that will pass sooner than you think.”

If significant stress persists for longer than a few weeks, Carly suggests having a chat with your GP or psychologist. “Chronic financial stress can lead to serious mental and physical health concerns, and you can learn skills to manage the effects of this period,” she says.

*Name has been changed for anonymity.

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