Does ‘love at first sight’ exist? I asked 14 Fashion Journal readers

“Love philosophically is something that we can’t really pin down but when it occurs – even if it’s within seconds of meeting someone – we also can’t deny its existence.”

Throughout our lives, many of us will experience the full spectrum of romantic affection – ranging from fleeting crush to mild infatuation to the full-blown one true love. In saying this, the enigmatic love at first sight is a consistent outlier; so rarely encountered that many don’t believe it exists at all.

Perhaps it’s the fairytale quality – the idea of love at first kiss, song or frolic through the meadow – that makes the concept seem unattainable. Originating from Greek and Roman literature, the notion of love at first sight was more often understood within the context of passionate madness, referred to as ‘theia mania’ (translating to ‘madness from the gods’).

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So are those who claim it’s a real phenomenon a little mad? Or are those who deny its existence a little cynical? The answer most likely falls somewhere in between. Below, 14 Fashion Journal readers share their thoughts on love at first sight.

Amina*, 28, she/her, in a relationship

I don’t think love at first sight is possible because love is based on connection and knowing someone. However, I do believe in gut instinct – sometimes you see someone and you just know that person has something special. I had a crush on my partner from the second I first laid eyes on them.

It wasn’t just that they were attractive, but they exuded a certain vibe that had me intrigued. It was a few years between that moment and us properly meeting and going on a date but we’ve now been together for almost two years. I wouldn’t call it love at first sight but it does feel like fate that we ended up together.

Danielle*, 24, she/they, single

Yes. Love philosophically is something that we can’t pin down but when it occurs – even if it’s within seconds of meeting someone – we also can’t deny its existence. Yes, we have lust but the feeling of love is something else entirely… it consumes you in an instant. I can say for certain you can differentiate between, lust, like and love quite easily and quickly.

You know that person you configure up in your mind as a kid? The one where you think, ‘Oh that’s them… that’s the person I’ll fall in love with’. Well, I met that person when [I was] out one night. The moment we met and looked at one another, it felt like time froze. We both agreed at the end of the night that it just felt like we’d known each other [for years] before then. We both felt incredibly comfortable and connected in an instant.

Olive*, 21, she/her, in a relationship

I believe in attraction at first sight; a ‘false love’ at first sight. You can be in love with and attracted to the idea of someone and who you think they could be, or who you think they could make you. I used to think me and my boyfriend had loved each other from day dot. I met him when we were younger and I always knew I liked him. But once I started dating him, I discovered a different side to him –the one I fell in love with.

My mum always says it was love at first sight when she met my dad. I think that it’s a nostalgic view of what was really just the excitement of meeting someone new and attractive. It’s nice to get caught up in romanticising what could happen… but if you don’t know a person (which comes with time and through shared experiences), can you say you love them? How can love at first sight exist? People have different definitions of love (I guess so did the Greeks).

Bailey*, 25, they/them, single

Unfortunately, I do believe in love at first sight. I’ve had one singular experience I’ve not been able to move past. I was out drinking with friends for a night of drag and dancing. I didn’t know at the time, but one of my friends invited Charlie* to join us.

It was strange; my attention kept pulling back to him and I couldn’t seem to focus elsewhere. Somehow, despite a truly messy night on my behalf, we dated for a couple of months. Over a year later, I feel like I haven’t even looked at another person since. Yeah, [love at first sight] fucking blows. Don’t do it.

Nala*, 23, she/her, in a de facto relationship

I believe in love at first sight because I’m a giant romantic (a Pisces sun, can you tell) and like to think there can be an innate connection between people, whether romantic or platonic.

I know that as humans we make instantaneous assumptions about people we see, some of which can be hugely prejudiced or erroneous. I also know that some relationships are misunderstood as being more valuable than they are.

Despite that, I want to think there’s some uncontrollable good in the world; in the form of love at first sight and primal attraction. The first time I saw my current partner, I was 12. We were touring our prospective high school campus with our parents and about 250 others. We made eye contact and that was it. I thought he was cute but I was shy and didn’t know how to cultivate a friendship at that age.

I went back to primary school and my friends and I gossiped about the cute boys at our respective high schools and how excited we were to meet friends and have crushes. I mentioned him and we had a giggle. We ended up attending the same school. We had crushes on other people and I didn’t think back to that first moment of eye contact until we became friends in our final year. One year later, we were dating. That was 7 years ago now; we’re almost 24 and still together. I’m adamant that I felt a connection 12 years ago… obviously not our love in its current form but some primitive form of it.

Romi*, 26, she/her, monogamous relationship

I do, simply because I was fortunate enough to experience it. I distinctly recall my first day at uni when I was 18. I saw a very handsome young man walking into the building. I messaged my friend telling her about my crush right away. He must’ve noticed me too because he sat next to me in the lecture and asked me on a date after class.

According to him, he went home and told his brother that he met someone he could imagine marrying. We hadn’t even exchanged names (just numbers) but had a very strong connection. It’s been almost seven and a half years now and we’re now engaged to be married.

Charlie*, 30, she/her, in a long-term relationship

Yes. I saw a quote once that said, ‘I don’t believe in love at first sight but I believe in that click’. I think that ‘click’ is exactly what love at first sight is. It’s not an instant love but it’s a tangible moment where you look at a stranger and think ‘That’s going to be my person’. It’s such a memorable point in time… nine years on and I’ll never forget it.

Aurora*, 38, she/her, married

No, I think you have to know someone to love them. I do believe in lust at first sight which I think can be confused for love.

Elliot*, 21, she/her, in a relationship

I’m not sure if I believe in love at first sight but I’m open to the idea of something close enough to it. I feel like potential at first sight exists (where you can see someone fitting into your life), but the realist in me doesn’t think that love can come as quickly.

When I met my boyfriend for the first time at a party, we hit it off but I didn’t think much of it, to be honest. We spoke over text later, then just didn’t stop talking. However, I have had times in my life where I’ve had a ‘moment’ with a stranger, where I saw potential and wanted to know more. I’m not convinced it doesn’t exist, but every time I hear a story of love at first sight, it just reminds me of a fairytale.

Akira*, 26, she/her, recently single

No. I think having experienced two different kinds of romantic love, I’ve realised how different they can be. Most importantly, I’ve realised love can emerge and grow over time.

Sage*, 23, she/her, in a relationship

No, it seems superficial. Maybe love at first convo, instead? In saying this, the times where I’ve felt ‘love at first convo’, I’ve just felt infatuation with charming narcissists. People that you fall for immediately are not often the good ones.

Drew*, 24, she/her, in a long-term relationship

Yep! It may be blind, but totally. I left my first date with my current boyfriend proudly declaring to anyone who’d listen that I’d just met the love of my life. Here we are, almost five years later and very much still in love. I love love. I was always going to fall in love at first sight.

Andie*, 49, she/her, in a relationship

Yes but only at 49! I’ve been married and divorced twice. I’ve always believed in love and fought for it… I knew it was out there. I’m a smart, professional woman with a wonderful network of family and friends. I don’t need a partner but I wanted and craved one. I wanted a partner and not a passenger. I’ve found him.

Mya*, 25, she/her, single

No. I believe in lust at first sight… but I believe love is something only developed once you know someone. You can lust after someone and have all the dopamine releases that make it feel like love… but that person could still be wrong for you. Love is an action learned through time. I’ve experienced lust at first sight – honestly too many times to count (some more memorable than others). I’m not a pessimist, I swear.

*Names have been changed.

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