How my mum feels about me posting nudes

“Some people get uncomfortable when they see comfortable people.”

If your secondary school was anything like the one I attended – a coed catholic school – then lectures on the length of girls’ dresses wouldn’t be unfamiliar to you. At my sister’s independent school, the teachers would even ask the females to kneel. If their dress didn’t touch the ground, it was too short.

I’m now in university, nearly six years since I graduated from secondary school. It’s crazy to think back to those actions, considering there’s no parallel between what someone is wearing and their capability to learn.

Looking for more thought-provoking lifestyle content? Head to our Life section.

Presentation and appearance were given far greater importance than education. It meant that looking a certain way cast you as a stereotype, and this almost always had a negative implication.

Needless to say, secondary school wasn’t the only place where this behaviour occurred. It’s not something I’ve been able to get away from. Even recently, I still find myself in the centre of a few questionable conversations regarding what I wear or, sometimes, what I don’t wear.

In these conversations, I’m often asked what my mum thinks about the photos I post on my social media. For context, these tend to be a little more risqué than your average, including some semi-nude photos or images where I’m entirely naked.

So, I decided to ask her one evening. After a few rings, I heard “Hey darling!” on the phone. Following a recap of work and how our weeks were going, I asked the burning question.

“How do you feel about what I post on Instagram?” For the record, she sees it all. I’ve never felt the need to hide my mum from my photos. Without hesitation, her first sentence was “Well, self-esteem and self-love are so important… whatever you wear, being comfortable in it is first and foremost”.

Mum mentioned how even though she didn’t have social media growing up, she used to do the same. Hot pants were all the rage. I reminded her of one occasion when I was preparing for an 18th birthday party at a friend’s house. The friend’s mum came into the bathroom and said she thought “I wore the skankiest outfits but made them look good”. At the time, I laughed and thanked her – I was probably already two Smirnoff Double Blacks into the night.

Five years on, this comment is still etched in my brain. I mentioned to Mum I wasn’t overly offended at the time, but I still questioned what it meant – was she trying to insult or compliment me? Mum concludes she probably wasn’t trying to do either.

“It’s unbelievable how many people see what someone wears as a gateway to deliver unwelcome commentary or [the] sexualisation of someone’s body, even if it’s in the disguise of a ‘compliment’,” my mum said. I admitted to her that when people ask me what my mum thinks, it seems like they’re insinuating I’m doing something I’m not supposed to do – that my mum must be ashamed or concerned. “Not at all,” she assured me.

Continuing the conversation, I told Mum about a particular conversation with a woman at work. It was after I posted a photo of my favourite pandemic purchase. It was a gorgeous black lace jumpsuit, which I had postponed wearing for two years in anticipation of the right post-lockdown event.

This woman mentioned how she saw the photo I’d posted in the jumpsuit and thought I looked great. She then later asked if I still lived at home. I could feel Mum’s confusion through the phone. Not understanding the relevance, I told the woman I’d recently moved out. With such self-assurance, the woman responded, “Ah! That’s why you were able to leave the house wearing something like that!”. My mum then asked me, “What’s that supposed to mean?”. My thoughts exactly.

I asked Mum what she thought of a particular photo I posted on Instagram for my birthday this year, one of me in my birthday suit (I thought it was fitting). “I think I liked that one; I thought it was quite tasteful” she responded. Just half of my body was visible, a bikini photo would show more. “A friend of mine asked me what you thought about that,” I told Mum. “She said her family would disown her if she did that.”

I explained Instagram has a no-nudity policy, restricting nearly all nudity with the exceptions of paintings and sculptures, breastfeeding and post-mastectomy scarring. Needless to say, I was intrigued to hear her response.

She told me she enjoys seeing the confidence I have in my own skin. “Well yeah, I have never been ashamed of my body. I have a healthy relationship with it and do actually like it,” I explained. “Some people get uncomfortable when they see comfortable people,” Mum said.

People are too quick to judge, and it’s usually a reflection of their relationship with themselves. In an age where we feel so much pressure surrounding how we look, a conversation about why people feel the need to ‘cover up’ would be beneficial. “You could be dressed neck to knee, very conservatively, but [for] people with big boobs [people] still seem to think they can make a comment,” Mum said.“There seems to be no way to escape that.”

Regardless of their appearance, most women I know are familiar with the feeling of being noticed. There’s no shame in acknowledging the feeling of being desired – it’s a great confidence booster. Most of the time, women who post nudes usually enjoy the fun, exhilarating feeling it evokes. Women aren’t always doing things for the pleasure of others – we can appreciate ourselves without ulterior motives.

This article was originally published on October 17, 2022.

For more on Instagram and nudity, head here.