Do you believe in second-chance love? 5 Australians share their experiences

“I knew a lot of my issues with him were more so issues within myself.”

When it comes to a romantic split, it’s rare to experience a clean break. Taylor Swift’s song ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ might ring true for some people but at other times, the stars align and goodbye is not forever. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s 20-year reunion serves as living proof that a second chance at love really does exist. 

For more relationship advice, head on over to our Life section.

So how do ex-lovers rekindle that spark, and is it possible to do so without dredging up the past? To find out, we asked anonymous Fashion Journal readers to share their experiences with second-chance love. Keep scrolling to read what they had to say.

Sage*, 30, she/her

We split because I interpreted his constant busyness as disinterest. I felt like I was being scheduled into his life like a dentist appointment. It was a really clean break – a few polite texts here and there. 

After a few months apart and a significant personal loss on my side, we caught up and instantly felt we were better aligned and moved in together after four months. He’s the love of my life!

During our time apart, I felt completely serene and at peace with it just not working out for us at that time. I was truly happy by myself and it made getting back together this positive and natural thing.

Dhalia*, 32, she/her

My partner and I dated for two years in our early twenties. We worked next door to each other and I had always thought he was cute riding around on his red bike.

But when I moved overseas, we split for five years and didn’t really stay in touch but always respected each other. When COVID hit, I moved back to my hometown and he was there too – we got back together and it’s now been three more years and a new city! 

We still have some of the same differences that caused the initial split but our similarities and genuine respect for each other drew us back. I learnt to be clear on what I want and [to] not be afraid to say what isn’t working. If you don’t express it, then it can’t be fixed or overcome.

Phoebe*, 25, she/her

We broke up due to what we both agreed were conflicting values. We had been together for four years and had such a strong connection. The pain was like nothing else because it was self-inflicted. We thought we could be friends and quickly realised we were never friends.

Only when I sat content and happy, some five months after radio silence, [was] I honest with my emotions. In this vulnerable yet newly independent state, I could be honest with myself about our compatibility and attraction. So we decided to meet up and had a magnetic 24 hours together in nature, catching up with no venom attached. 

Then I knew a lot of my issues with him were more so issues within myself. We had an honest conversation about what went wrong, what we wanted and where we were going. This resulted in us deciding our alchemy of differences was worth fighting for. Reconnecting with your ex-partner is something only you can know is right in your heart. It can never be what it once was and nor should it, version two has to be different. 

I think COVID instigated these very beautiful, mushy and safe relationships that lacked boundaries and thrived off a raw intensity that echoes a first-love obsession. This is not sustainable and being a strong individual is the key to a long and fruitful relationship. 

I also learnt who my true friends are in the process and how important it is to balance them and my family at the same level of importance as my partner.

Elliot*, 31, he/him

My partner and I met when we were 19 years old, we started dating and moved out together within a year or so. After a few years of dating, I realised I wanted to go back to university to focus on music, and she wanted to travel and figure out her future.

We both felt we were at a bit of a crossroads, we either stay together and focus on making time for the relationship (and lose time focusing on hobbies, careers and our own personal futures) or choose to focus on ourselves and end the relationship. We ultimately ended the relationship, I went back to school and she travelled.

Five years and a few messy relationships each later, we got back in touch via Instagram, met up for a drink and decided we were back together that very night.

I learnt how important it is to be ready to let someone love you, and vice versa. You’ve got to be willing to make space for each other to be yourselves, rather than each person being one half of the relationship. For us, our first time around was simply the wrong place at the wrong time.

You don’t need to have loved and lost for all this to apply. You can begin by making time for yourself so you’re ready when the right person comes along. I hate to say it, but all the cliches are true. ‘If it’s meant to be it will be’ and ‘love yourself before you love someone else’. 

Kennedy*, 29, she/her

We met the second time I ever went out in town and I was in love as soon as we met. We broke up a few months later, and I later discovered it was because he couldn’t believe he could fall in love with someone so soon and intensely. Over 12 months we just kept re-entering each other’s orbit unintentionally and had the same connection as we originally did. 

After an evening of confessing how much we really cared for each other, we decided to either take things slow and see what happens, or just never interact ever again. 10 and a half years later here we are, with four cats and a house together.

I learnt to be fully committed to just being who I am and not letting anyone ever define that. I organised to go overseas for several months while we were broken up, and I still went after we got back together and had a blast! 

For more on second-chance love, head here.