Coke Zero to be discontinued

A travesty.

If you’re thinking nooooooooooooo, that is correct.

This is the correct response to this gut-wrenching news (which, ironically, is probably better for your gut).

Coca-Cola has today announced that our beloved Coke Zero will be discontinued. This, despite it obviously being the best of all Coke products.

The announcement follows the discovery by Coca-Cola that only one in two drinkers knows the product is free of sugar. 

I’m sorry, what?

Apparently, because half the population is too dumb to realise Coke Zizz is sugar-free, we’re all being punished for their stupidity.

I digress. They’re saying there is a silver lining. With the premature “retirement” of Coke Zero, the brand will be introducing a new product to market, given the inventive name of Coca-Cola No Sugar.

Sadly no, it’s not quite the same formula as Coke Zero. But the beverage giant is claiming it has nailed the elusive taste of the original. 

“We think it’s the closest we have ever come to the classic taste of Coca-Cola,” said the President of Coca-Cola in Australia, Roberto Mercadé. 

We’ll just see about that. Australians will be among the first in the world to trial the new product. It will start hitting shelves from June 16, with our beloved Coke Zero being phased out shortly after.

While it’s bittersweet news for some, for me it’s mostly just bitter.

Vale Coke Zero. You will be missed.


Lazy Loading