I asked a bunch of people about their libido right now

“Lockdown allowed me and my partner to have more conversations about sex and pleasure to make sure our libidos were satisfied.”

Understanding the complicated facets of your own sexuality is a tricky process. To begin with, you comprehend sex as something that happened roughly nine months before we all shot out of our respective wombs.

Then, you learn that grown-ups (including parents!) also do it for fun occasionally. Horrifying. Shortly after, you ask yourself if sex is something you might also want.

For more sex talk, head on over to our Life section.

Then you might have it (or maybe you don’t) and there’s another barrage of questions, realisations and expectations flying around in your brain. How do you define sex? What does your virginity really mean? Why are some people ‘bad at sex’?

And then sometimes, you don’t want to have it at all. Following the stressful events of the last two years, libido (or sex drive) has recently become a frequent – and important – topic of conversation.

High, low or somewhere in between, sex drives are changing. Using an anonymous questionnaire, I asked people to tell us about their libido right now.

Female, single

I haven’t had sex in a long time due to the lockdown. It’s different for me because I’d usually have a different partner every few months. I’m craving physical touch more than the act of ‘sex’. I long to be close with someone and in their embrace.

Female, in a monogamous relationship

My boyfriend and I usually have sex once a week when we see each other as we don’t live together. It’s a lot less than what we used to have in the past, but we’ve both been struggling with our mental health this year. The honeymoon period of our relationship is definitely over as we started dating just before the first lockdown.

My libido has been very up and down. Prior to lockdowns, it was pretty high and very in tune with my cycle but recently it’s been very low. I don’t even masturbate that much anymore (maybe once or twice a month?).

With my partner, I do have a lot of enthusiasm for sex but I feel like I just get tired too easily and don’t feel like it at night. I think my mental health has a lot to do with this though! The past year of lockdowns has definitely impacted my libido. Hopefully, with the return to a ‘more normal’ lifestyle, it will increase!

Male, in a monogamous relationship

My ‘normal’ sex life would be one that includes multiple partners. Monogamy is not the norm for me. My libido is not always present, but accessible when it needs to be accessed.

Non-binary person, in a monogamous relationship

Decreased quantity but increased quality. Naarm being open again means that my partner and I are out more often and find ourselves in fewer situations where we can have sex! Although it hasn’t decreased, it hasn’t increased either.

I would almost describe it as my libido taking a ride in the backseat while it allows for other aspects of my life to move forward in ways they weren’t able to in lockdown! Lockdown allowed me and my partner to have more conversations about sex and pleasure to make sure our libidos were satisfied.

Female, dating

It’s picked up a lot since lockdown ended. I go through phases of feeling lonely and wanting to be with someone and feeling excited about dating and then I’ll go out with someone and it’s so bad I withdraw again.

Female, single

My libido is definitely high. I’m having fewer one-night stands and seeing the same people more regularly – which for me, is about once every two to four weeks.

Female, single

In general, my sex drive has been very low! I haven’t had sex since February (when my last relationship ended) and the lockdown has not helped either. As someone who’s always had their most sex within relationships, not being able to form any new relationships due to lockdown has definitely changed my ‘normal’. Honestly, it fluctuates way more than I thought it would.

After my breakup, I genuinely thought I just didn’t have a high libido. But over the course of the past year, I’ve discovered that mine fluctuates between ultra highs and ultra lows. Right now, I’m in the ultra-high stage. I think libido is something that fluctuates, whether you’re single or in a relationship. I think we need to allow it to, and really listen to what our body is telling us.

Male, in a monogamous relationship

My sex drive has been stable but somewhat different. With recent stresses associated with personal relationships and the state of the world in general, our sex life has changed. In a long-term relationship, it does feel more natural to ebb and flow. Recently my libido has been quite high – not as a result of a lack of sex, rather my sex drive constantly being high.

Female, single

Before COVID, I was in a long term relationship and we were having sex at least twice a week. Now? Sex is very sparse and I’m missing the regularity of it all. I was meeting people through dating apps in lockdown and it definitely did not bring the same excitement as meeting people at clubs, bars or parties. Now it’s time for a thotty girl summer and my libido is extremely high. Someone needs to come and touch me now!

Female, in a monogamous relationship

It’s been slowed down due to the pandemic as my boyfriend and I didn’t see each other for many weeks. But on the flip side, that absence has made our sex more sensuous and full of lust and desire. Intimacy was taken away from us, so when we have the chance it’s powerful and passionate.

My libido is relatively normal. But then again, I don’t know exactly what a ‘normal’ libido is. I’m on Roaccutane and it’s required for women to be on two forms of birth control when taking this drug. It caused such anxiety for me to have to return down this rabbit hole of hormone-affecting implants and pills that it’s reignited my passion to want to change the birth control conversation. It needs to be on men to prevent pregnancy, not just women. 

Libido aside, whenever there is a woman and man having sex it is always on the woman to care for her sexual health. Men need to be looked at – I’m sick and tired of taking pills that interfere with my thoughts and wellbeing.

For more information on the way people’s libidos can vary, head here.