As a restless person, here’s how I learnt to embrace stability

“While that restless feeling may never truly go away, being stable doesn’t mean you have to be bored.”

If there’s one principle I like to live my life by, it’s that there’s nothing worse than being bored. I’d rather feel sad, scared or confused than bored. And it’s gotten me into a lot of trouble.

I know not everyone can relate to this. When I think of all those ‘5am club’ TikTok girlies, the Type A, routine-loving people with clean rooms, mortgages, fiancés and full savings accounts, I feel so conflicted. 

Want to read more about how others navigate the world? Try our Life section.

On one hand, the thought of being restricted in that way fills me with dread. But on the other, I’m jealous of the level of control they have over their lives and the sense of consistent peace that comes with settling down. 

But I’ve always been attracted to chaos. That makes it sound cool, but really, it’s not that cool. Whenever I feel the tendrils of stagnation or discomfort start creeping in, I’m overcome with the urge to overhaul my life completely. 

Case in point: I dropped out of university (twice). I’ve worked at 20 different jobs. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I scroll through Workaway, a platform offering work-for-stay opportunities around the world. I know that could all be dismissed as typical ‘finding yourself while you’re young’ behaviour (and that’s a part of it) but I think it goes beyond that. 

Nearly every day, I find myself daydreaming about all of the other lives I could be living. Teaching English in South Korea, working on a vineyard out in the country, backpacking through Central America, getting a master’s degree…

When I first got the job I have now, a job I had long dreamed of but never really thought I could actually do, my excitement was mixed with another feeling. Finally, I had something that was holding me down. Before, I’d been unattached, able to act upon my impulses and buy a plane ticket at a moment’s notice. Now, if I did that I’d have to give up something I genuinely cared about.

It was the same feeling as when I got into my first real relationship. Suddenly decisions became compromises and I had to consider someone else’s feelings rather than just doing whatever I wanted with my life. It should have been an entirely happy time, but I couldn’t help but think about the doors that were closing.

There are things in life – like owning a home, having a family, building a savings account, whatever – that require a modicum of stability. So if you’re antsy like me and you’re trying to figure out how to be content with sitting still, here are a few things I’ve learnt.

First, the daydreams are impossible to crush. They’re not necessarily bad either. Allowing yourself to envision what another version of your life might look like means that whatever happens, you’ll always have a Plan B (and C, D, E and so forth). Just keep in mind that sometimes the idea is better than the actual reality. It’s not sustainable to always be striving for the next best thing; eventually, you have to find comfort in where you are.

To balance out your wanderlust-y fantasies, try and remind yourself of what you like about your life now, like your favourite book store, the houseplants that would certainly die if you left them in the care of your housemates and the friends who are only a few tram stops away.

Next, inject spontaneity into your day-to-day life. Going to the same bars with the same people every weekend is a recipe for boredom. To satisfy your desire for novelty, check out parts of the city you’ve never seen and try activities you’ve never thought you’d be interested in. Say yes to things! If you’re lucky, you’ll end up in unexpected places.

For me, one of the best parts about travelling is hanging out with people who are so different from you and learning about their cultures and perspectives. After you’ve been in one place for long enough, it’s easy to stick to the same friend group. 

But no matter how much you love your friends, always being open to meeting new people will keep your life exciting. Surround yourself with people who are different from you and disagree with you – having your views challenged will help you grow. Devouring books, music, movies and art will also expand your world. 

While that restless feeling may never truly go away, being stable doesn’t mean you have to be bored. Besides, life is strange and unpredictable in its own right. As soon as you slow down enough to feel comfortable, there’s always some new challenge around the corner, whether you’re looking for it or not.

For more on building stability, head here.