A beginner’s guide to rimming

Party in the back.

Have you ever tried rimming? It’s a sex act that’s becoming increasingly popular and, for those not in the know, it’s a form of oral sex that involves licking someone’s anus or having your anus licked. For some of us, rimming may seem a little overwhelming, but in my experience, things feel overwhelming when they are mysterious or somewhat taboo – especially when it comes to sex. 

So, I’m here to demystify rimming. The truth is rimming is becoming more mainstream because it feels good, in the same way traditional oral sex feels good. This is why you may have noticed it being depicted in porn way more and making its way into our discussions about sex. 

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Of course, I understand why it could seem intimidating or offputting. When you haven’t tried something before, it’s nerve-wracking. Let’s be real – who doesn’t have the fear of getting it wrong and then having an uncomfortable sexual experience with a partner? But don’t fear, I’ve asked Belinda Gavin from Sexpo Australia – an expert on all things sex –to give me the lowdown on how to try rimming as a beginner.

First, before we get into how to actually rim, the bigger question is why it makes people so uncomfortable to begin with. Obviously, you don’t have to try everything sexually, but I think it’s important to ask why something makes you feel a particular way before you write it off. 

Belinda tells me that there’s an outdated stigma around rimming, “Because it is dealing with the ass, and rimming for a straight guy was usually, or in the past, associated with being gay. I think this old mindset is now becoming something of the past”.

So basically, if you want to try rimming but are worried about the stigma, then it’s potentially something to speak to a sex therapist about. But if rimming appeals to you and you don’t have any hangups about exploring it, it can be a really satisfying experience.

“Everyone is aware that having a sensitive or soft area touched, licked or teased is super hot and sexy – yes, even including your asshole,” says Belinda.

So, now we have that out of the way, how exactly do you rim someone? I’d personally recommend not overthinking it. Like any sex act, it’s designed to feel good so you really can’t stuff it up too much, but it is important to set yourself up for success.

First and foremost, you need to make sure you have your partner’s consent before attempting rimming, and the same goes for your partner giving you a rim job. If it’s not an enthusiastic yes, then it’s a no.

Belinda tells me that a successful rimming experience is all about the right prep. “In the beginning make sure you have cleaned the area. A shower or wet wipes are essential.” She also specifies that the prep is different depending on how much hair you have down there.

“If you are rimming a guy, it is always nice (but not necessary) to be shaved but [it is] necessary to be clean. If you are rimming a girl, there is [often] much less hair, and so it is easier to clean,” she explains. 

According to Belinda, if you have less body hair, you don’t necessarily need to bother having a shower and “even just a wipe… can do the trick”. Of course, it’s up to the individual to decide how much prep is needed beforehand. I’d say some basic hygiene common sense could be used here and once again, always ask your partner what they are comfortable with. 

That’s all easy enough, but what about it when it comes down to the actual act of rimming? Well, communication is clearly key. Check-in with your partner to make sure you’re both comfortable and when it comes to technique Belinda advises to, “Start slow and caress the area”.

“Coming in with full tongue or a finger is often too much. [Take] baby steps, slow and steady, [and] when your partner gives you a sign they are enjoying it, then I’d advise you go a little deeper and explore,” Belinda explains. 

Rimming, like all types of oral sex, is really dependent on who you’re performing it on. Everyone has different preferences and different things get different people off. So once again, communication is key. Check-in with your partner, find out what makes them feel good, or what spot feels particularly sensitive and go from there. 

When it comes down to it, rimming is just like every other sex act. Try it, see if it feels good for you and your partner, and then explore. There’s no magic secret or ingredient you need for it to be great. Just come with an open mind, a pack of wipes, and listen to your partner. And if it isn’t for you, there are plenty of other fun things to try in the bedroom.  

For more on ass play, try this.