A sex coach’s guide to FaceTime sex

Slow and steady.

Being separated by distance is an obstacle couples have been navigating forever. Before phones, letters were the first port of call (a humbling thought when considering I can barely get a text back). Fast forward to today’s technological mecca and we’re met with smartphones that have allowed us to become a lot more creative.

From nudes and sexting to home videos, we’re able to connect sexually more than ever before. Thankfully, distance is no longer the cockblock it once was. FaceTime sex has existed since the invention of smartphones and is a great way to combat the limits of separation. I’m sure that’s why it was invented right? To facilitate virtual sex?

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All jokes aside, it seems our sexual desires can make us quite resourceful. While FaceTime sex is not a new concept, it had a resurgence during the height of the pandemic. For horny isolated people it was a godsend. Despite its convenience, baring it all for the camera can be quite a daunting task for some of us.

I picture that cringe-worthy scene from Sex and the City when Big springs phone sex on Carrie and I’m just filled with dread. Now, I’m not naïve enough to believe everything I see on TV but still, it triggers a stream of questions: ‘How do I propose it to a partner?’, ‘Does it have to include full frontal?’ and ‘What should I say throughout?’.

In a bid to tackle my uncertainty, I spoke with certified sex coach Georgia Grace to discuss integrating FaceTime sex into your intimate experiences. Georgia defines FaceTime sex as “masturbating and then sharing with your partner [and telling them] what you’re noticing when you’re touching yourself”.

To avoid replicating the awkwardness of Carrie and Big it’s important you have a discussion with your partner before you begin. This ensures you’re on the same page and allows for boundaries to be put in place. Georgia recommends saying something like, “I’ve always been curious about this. And I know that we’re separated by distance at the moment or we can’t be with each other tonight. Would you want to try having sex over FaceTime?”.

After establishing a mutual interest, the next port of call is putting boundaries in place to keep everyone safe. “There should be a conversation around what agreements need to be made. This could be setting the rule of no screenshots, that you’re not going to talk about this with anyone else or only showing certain parts of the body,” Georgia tells me. 

Now that the all-important conversation of consent has been tackled, it’s time to set the mood for yourself. Georgia suggests anything that can help you feel sensual and confident is a great place to start. “You can start by setting the context by putting on music, wearing something that makes you feel sexy, or even, you know, making sure that you lock the door to avoid unwanted interruptions,” she tells me.

Georgia explains that FaceTime sex is a two-step process involving masturbation and communication. The most important part of the experience is sharing with your partner what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling as you touch yourself. This merging of visuals and language is what elevates FaceTime sex over regular phone sex. Although, for those who think FaceTime sex is synonymous with graphic frontals and rapid tugging, think again.

“I think it’s important to note that it’s not just about genitals. That it doesn’t need to be a full-blown dick shot. You don’t need to have your fully naked body in it. You can position the camera in a way that maybe it just has your face or a specific part of your body,” Georgia assures me. 

Just like foreplay, anything that builds anticipation will enhance your FaceTime experience. Whether that be sending a teaser photo of what’s to come or gradually exposing more skin on camera, starting slow is the way to go. 

As an additional element of FaceTime sex, Georgia suggests the use of a mirror. “Being in front of a mirror or having a hand mirror can be a great way to show movement. So, whether that is hip thrusts or more sensual movement, being able to show all this to your partner heightens the experience.”

Whether your sex life has been impacted by distance or you simply want to try a new form of connection, FaceTime sex is an incredibly convenient and COVID-safe way to explore your sexuality. The most important thing to remember, as with anything, is to start slow and create a safe space where you feel comfortable.     

For more on FaceTime sex, head here.