How to introduce sex toys into your relationship for the first time

It can be nerve-wracking, so here’s how to navigate it.

Once resigned to the shelves of musty sex shops and the bedrooms of the sexually liberated, sex toys have taken up their place in the mainstream over the last few years. Prior to the current wave of cosmic-looking dildos and vibrators that double as bedside decor, sex toys were, of course, still around – they were just far more hush hush.

Now, discussions of their pleasurable powers take place among friends, the taboo gradually fading away. While their popularity may not come as a surprise to some, for others who might be intrigued, the prospect of using sex toys can be a little daunting.

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For a start, there is an absurd amount of them on the market, with myriad uses and specifications. And what if you want to involve someone else in the fun? Lucky for our curious readers, I went digging to find out the best way to introduce sex toys into your relationship. 

Start with an open-minded chat

As Salt-N-Pepa wisely proclaimed, let’s talk about sex, baby. Before you add that vibrator that looks like a tube of lipstick to your cart, it’s important you actually talk to your partner about your desire to bring sex toys into the mix. 

You don’t want them feeling blindsided and confused should you whip a dildo out from nowhere. So, find a time that works for both of you, and a place where you feel at ease, and open up the conversation. You could tell your partner about what piqued your interest in sex toys, or simply ask them what they think about adding toys to your sex life.

However you bring it up, the key is to keep the chat open, according to sex educator Lisa Finn. It’s not fair to make your partner feel like sex between you has been lacklustre up until that point (hence the desire for toys), or to pressure them into being keen. 

You also want to hear about their desires too! Who knows, maybe they’ve been harbouring fantasies about using toys with you, and you’ve given them the perfect chance to chat about it.

Buy toys together

The sex toy market can be incredibly overwhelming, so why not make the process easier (and way more fun) by shopping together?

Whether it’s physically or virtually, searching for an ideal beginner’s toy with your partner can not only help you get on the same page about what you want, but certified sex coach Georgia Grace says it can hype up the sexy times to come. Who doesn’t love a bit of teasing?

Take it slow

You might want to test out your new toy to see how it works solo, first, before involving your partner. Although the first time you use it together will likely involve a few hiccups, at least you can rest assured knowing you’ve got the settings on your vibrator down pat.

Not only does having a bit of one-on-one time with your toy of choice help you get your head around all the buttons and functions, but it can be a solid opportunity for you to work out what feels good for you, before you bring your partner into the mix.

Always, always get consent

No matter how enthusiastic your partner has been in the lead up to testing out your new toy together, always make sure you have their consent when you get down to business. Asking for consent before and during sex means you can give your partner the ability to say no to anything they aren’t comfy with. 

Get down and dirty

Once you’ve explored your desires as a couple, purchased your toy and done a bit of pre-coitus trialling, all that’s left to do is use your toy together. No matter how long you’ve been together or how comfortable you are with each other, this can still be a nerve-wracking prospect!

Sexologist Jenni Skyler recommends that you are “willing to laugh at the toy and yourself” – keeping it lighthearted and fun will hopefully ease any nerves. Try different positions or different settings if your toy has them and just go with the flow.

Achieving max pleasure might take some trial and error, so try not to be downtrodden if the first time isn’t all you’d imagined. And if you just can’t get around the toy you’ve chosen? Never fear – just add that cute vibrator you’ve been eyeing off to your cart and try again.

For more on choosing the right sex toy for you, try this.