Can you have sex with an STI? Here’s what you need to know

So I have an STI, now what? 

So, a heated hookup has led to some mysterious itching, burning or stinging? I know I’m not the only one who’s been there. When I first contracted a sexually transmitted infection (STI) I felt like I was the only person in the entire world with one.

But they’re much more common than we realise. According to the Australian Department of Health, one in six Australians is estimated to have had an STI at some point in their life. So why is there still so much stigma surrounding the issue? 

For more sex advice, head on over to our Life section.

I gained a lot of knowledge (and even a touch of wisdom) from my experience with an STI. But when I was first diagnosed I felt isolated, dirty and ashamed. I wouldn’t have known what to do without my GP, who knows me really well and guided me through the treatment and aftercare.

I acknowledge that for many people, a GP might not be as onto it as mine was, which made me wonder how others deal with an STI diagnosis (and sex after the fact). I spoke to sexologist Lauren French for the lowdown on all things sex and STI-related. 

Hey Lauren. So what should you do when first finding out you have an STI? 

Firstly, be kind to yourself! There is so much STI stigma out there, so many ideas around ‘clean’ and ‘dirty’ language that means a lot of people can feel shame and embarrassment when they get their results. So remind yourself there’s nothing dirty, bad or wrong with you other than having an infection – whether it’s curable or treatable, it’s about working through how this affects us.

And we might need some professional help moving through that shame. The second thing is a bit more boring but also important [and that’s] following our doctor’s treatment plan! 

What’s the expectation around informing sexual partners? Do you need to disclose your STI to everyone you’ve had sex with? 

After a positive STI test, it’s important to inform all current and recent sexual partners so they can get tested as well. This isn’t about a witch hunt on who gave who what, or a shameful thing or even a bad thing! So many people can have asymptomatic STIs, meaning they have no symptoms, so they might have no idea they’re spreading this to their partners.

While it can be a hard conversation to have, it’s so critical as while most STIs are easily treated and cured, if left untreated they can have serious effects on their health. In some cases, you can even ask your doctor to talk to your partners, if maybe a one-on-one chat just isn’t doable. 

How long should you wait to have sex after being diagnosed with an STI? 

[It] totally depends on the STI, what symptoms you’re having and how you’re mentally feeling with your sexuality after the diagnosis! Some of this might seem obvious like if you’re experiencing itching, stinging or burning in your genitals, getting someone all up in that doesn’t sound like a great time.

So discuss with your doctor and be really clear on asking when you can get back in the bedroom (or wherever you enjoy pleasure and partners). This might be when your symptoms are gone, when you’ve all finished your medications, or it might be longer. 

How do pleasure and comfort come into play when talking about sex with an STI, if at all? 

I think STIs should be a normal and routine part of our sexual conversations with partners! It shouldn’t be a topic that’s only brought up when we think we have one or [something that’s] used as a weapon during an argument. Pleasure is all about comfort, and STI anxiety or worry can be a huge mood killer to our pleasure.

The easiest way to overcome it is with open communication (as cliche as that sounds)! Sex is all about pleasure, so if we’re too worried about STI potential we just can’t relax into all the sensual joy we could be having. 

Going forward, what about casual sex? Do you need to tell every hookup about your STI status? 

Now, this can depend on if you have symptoms and are currently dealing with a new STI you’re treating [because if so] we need to discuss [it] so our partner can get tested too. But if we’re living with a treatable not curable STI, like herpes or HIV, people can approach that differently. For many people, herpes is only transmissible when they have a flare-up (which can be as rare as one in eight or more years!), so they may choose to practice safer sex, but not have a big discussion about their status.

For HIV, if they’re familiar with U=U (undetectable = untransmissible) they might not feel the need. But again, there’s no shame in our status. So if we’re practising open communication with our partners, we might even want to know where their judgments and stigma lie around the issue. 

Last question. How can you prevent future infections?

As boring as it sounds, practising safer sex! Now that isn’t even just condoms, condoms, condoms talk. It can be about actually asking partners when their last STI test was, sharing results [and] using our communication to be the way we protect ourselves and others. 

To learn more about STIs, head here.