Will using a vibrator too often desensitise me?

“It’s natural to assume that if you can orgasm with your vibrator but you can’t during partnered sex, then the vibrator is the problem.”

When I first heard the rumour that my vibrator would make it harder for me to orgasm, my stomach dropped. I used it so often, and the idea that it was bad for my body was terrifying. Could it really be desensitising my clitoris? 

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The short answer? No, your vibrator won’t desensitise you, even if you use it multiple times a day. Believe it or not, it’s far more likely to improve your sexual health and satisfaction. Here’s why.

How does a vibrator affect your health?

It’s hard to say exactly how many people who identify as women use vibrators, but if American studies are any indication, then it’s more than half of us. As the world slowly becomes more sex-positive, that number is probably increasing. 

This is a huge win for sexual health, as vibrator use is linked to improvements in sexual desire and function – regardless of sex or gender identity. In fact, they’re sometimes prescribed to treat sexual dysfunction. 

For many women, penetrative sex isn’t enough to reach orgasm, and that’s absolutely normal. If you have trouble climaxing without your vibrator, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. 

If you can never reach orgasm, however, it isn’t your vibrator’s fault. Being unable to orgasm is a symptom of anorgasmia, and it’s something you should talk to your doctor about if it persists, especially if you have any numbing or discomfort. 

Where does the myth come from?

So with all the benefits of using a vibrator, where does the ‘clit numbing’ myth come from? Well, this false narrative about vibrators can cause stress and anxiety and it’s nearly impossible to have an orgasm when you’re worried about whether or not you can have an orgasm. It’s also natural to assume that if you can orgasm with your vibrator but you can’t during partnered sex, then the vibrator is the problem. 

In reality, it’s less about the vibrator and more about how partnered sex often ignores or understimulates the clitoris. Vulva owners are expected to orgasm during sex but don’t always get the stimulation they need to do so. 

If that’s the case, you might need to try more clitoral stimulation during sex. There’s no shame in using a toy or vibrator with your partner, and many people find that it helps them to climax. 

While you can’t get physically addicted to your vibrator and it won’t make you numb, it can condition your body to expect certain levels of stimulation for an orgasm. It’s sort of like muscle memory; the more you vibe, the better your body gets at climaxing that way. 

While this doesn’t numb you, it can make you feel like it’s harder to orgasm without it. This mental speed bump can be frustrating, but it’s not permanent. Your body goes back to normal minutes after using a vibrator.

Some people have reported numbness in rare cases, but it typically goes away after a day or two. However, it’s important to use your vibrator correctly. Standard use – even on high settings – won’t damage your genitalia, but consistent aggressive use (such as forceful hitting or scraping) can.   

What to do if you can’t finish without your vibrator

While there’s nothing wrong with needing a vibrator to finish, some people want to be able to orgasm in other ways too. If you’re satisfied with your orgasms, there’s no need to make any changes to your sexual habits, and broadening your sexual horizons has more to do with experimenting and less to do with your vibrator. 

That being said, taking a little tolerance break from your vibrator can help your body and mind focus on different sensations. It’ll take different amounts of time for different people, so give it at least a couple of days and see how you feel. 

It’s also helpful to switch up your routine. Using different settings, positions and toys can teach your body to reach orgasm in a variety of ways rather than just one. If you like, you can take the opportunity to go all-natural and discover new ways to pleasure yourself through touch. You can do this with a partner, but I’d recommend trying it solo first so you can work out what you love and what you don’t. 

As you learn more about your anatomy and teach yourself to climax in new ways, you’ll be able to give your partner more specific guidance during sex. It might be awkward at first, but through communication, you might even find that you’re able to climax with a partner when you weren’t able to before. 

You don’t have to choose

None of this means you have to stop using your vibrator! Sexuality isn’t typically an either-or situation. When it comes to your vibrator, having an express ticket to a guaranteed orgasm can be empowering and delightful.

Medically, it won’t hurt your body or sexual function. However, if you find yourself limited to just one type of orgasm, it’s okay to take a step back and experiment. One of the best ways to reinvigorate your sexuality is by adding experiences, so try and find other ways to orgasm if you want to get off on more than your vibrator.

For tips on how to find the right vibrator for you, head here.