I tried butt cream, because why not

Images via Frank Body
Words by Hannah Cole

Yielding to the allure of the perfect booty.

You can put it down to being a busy millennial or a classic Type A personality, but I want to do everything. I want to try everything. It could be a hobby, a new exercise class, or the latest superfood. A little experimentation and trying new things are the key to a joyful life.

This inner need has extended to skincare in recent years with the rise of the ‘skinfluencer’. The power of the perfect complexion has worked on me, and it’s extended to a bubbling interest in butt cream. Abbie Chatfield loves it, and the butt is my favourite nether region, after all. It sounds fun and flirty – a bit of womanhood appreciation and care – but what does this glorified moisturiser do? Could my peachy behind become even more irresistible with a simple, hydrating application?

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The backstory on butts

Arguably, the butt cream fascination kicked off in 2015 when Sol de Janeiro launched the all-hailed Bum Bum Cream. A cream? For my derriere? The bestselling product promised a luscious behind and booming body confidence. It would firm and hydrate, melt into your skin and leave you feeling incredibly radiant. Sign me up, I thought, yet my curiousness never found its footing (after all, it does retail for $72).

Society has been obsessed with butts for far longer, though. People are mesmerised by the voluptuous lumps that Fergie so tenderly chanted. The surgical Brazilian Butt Lift originated in the 1960s, supposedly augmenting the buttocks to perfection. Cardi B admits to undergoing the procedure, noting the intense pain and – barf bag warning – resulting fat leakages. According to the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, one in 3,000 people die worldwide due to surgery complications, making it the ‘deadliest’ cosmetic procedure.

Butt cream seems like a far safer option for perfecting my own behind. I have a love-hate relationship with her; some days, she is pert and cute, and on others, she spills and looks depleted – an uncontainable mass. I’ll admit it’s mostly in my head, but if a moisturiser can make me feel more content in the long-run, count me in.

After all the self-care messages we’ve received over the last year, massaging the buttocks is an uncomplicated, affordable moment for oneself.  In the name of beauty, self-confidence, femininity and appreciation of all things peachy, I finally dipped my proverbial toe into the tub.

B.B.C. (Before Butt Cream)

This trial inevitably led to an overwhelming number of butt pics; I’ve analysed these images from every angle. Faint lines ripple at the sides – almost like soft waves – while the occasional dimple and signs of hyperpigmentation glare at me. Allegedly, the butt cream could rectify these woes. My butt is cute, but it’s ready for some renovating.

Before kicking off, I enlisted the advice of some experts in the field. I detest disappointment, so I needed to know what I was getting myself in for. Bettina Tyrrell, co-host of That Beauty Podcast and beauty editor, shared her thoughts with me. “We often forget about our bums when it comes to beauty, so I think if anything, the rise in beauty for your booty is a good reminder to give it a little love.”

It’s a thought echoed by content creator and skincare aficionado Ali Whittle. “I think body care, in general, can be neglected by a lot of us. But putting in time and effort to the skin on your body and your butt pays off.”

As to whether the butt cream will change my booty forever? “If you’re expecting a butt cream to eliminate stretch marks and cellulite or give you Kardashian pertness, you’ll be disappointed,” notes Bettina. “No cream can do this.”

Meanwhile, Ali notes the active ingredients present in these products, which “can do more than just make your skin smooth.” Creases may not disappear, but those prone to breakouts or pimples in the area can benefit from the products ability to tamper butt blemishes. Admittedly, I knew that even if the results were a placebo, I’d probably be content.

The trial of butt cream

Frank Body’s Perky Sculpting Body Hydrator was my crème of choice, although there are countless products available. But I’m a sucker for cute packaging (it comes in a reusable coffee cup!) and Australian origins.

The moisturiser both smells and feels divine; notes of morning coffee and delicious shea butter transport me to aromatic heaven. It feels delectably smooth and buttery without an oily sheen or sticky feeling, eliminating any need to wait before the pants go on.

As instructed by Frank Body, I lathered my buttocks and upper thighs every morning post-shower, using deep, circular motions. It’s an extra step in the routine, but not one I regret. I had forgotten about my butt for too long, and after sitting on it all day, every day, it was finally receiving some reprise and appreciation. ‘Regardless of whether this works or not’, I thought to myself, ‘the habit is going to stick.’  I felt delectable.

The results are in

After a week of diligent application, does my butt look any better? I zoomed in on the photos and positioned them side by side. Maybe there is a slight improvement in colouration, or maybe it’s in my mind. Undoubtedly, my booty feels soothed, soft, supple and thankful for this hydrating stint.

Whether it has made a drastic difference or not, it’s a habit that will stick – after all, I’m still going. The tub will be empty in a matter of weeks, so I’ll buy a few coffees in my new reusable cup and repeat it all over again. Sometimes beauty is more than just the physical outlook; it’s also the nurturing experience of showing yourself appreciation and self-love. It reminds me that my butt is purposeful and unique, with or without its visual faults.

Looking to treat your tush, too? Find the cream Hannah tried here.

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