The weirdest beauty trends of the last year you were too scared to try

Words by Alyce Cowell

Illustration by Twylamae

Don’t blame ya.

Hundreds of years ago, when the great prophets of the world predicted all the things that would happen in the future, they completely missed a really important one: that in 2017, we would officially run out of beauty trends. This was the year we really scraped the bottom of the barrel. We pulled out leftover fur and stuck it to our nails, and we collected all the coloured glitter of 2016 and rubbed it in to out hair.

Don’t get me wrong. I agree that beauty is all about expression and interpretation and getting as many likes as possible on Instagram but I think we can all agree, last year shit got a little (a lot) weird. 

Here are five trends that managed to be up there with the weirdest.

Flamboyant brows

It’s been almost a decade since we put down our over-worked tweezers, knelt down and prayed that our eyebrow hair would go back. Thankfully for many of us, it did, and natural brows have been celebrated ever since.

That is, until last year, when natural brows were once again deemed basic.

2017 was about brows of all shapes and sizes, with each new trend scarier than the last. There were barbed wire brows, where groups of brow hairs were shaped into multi-directional spikes; there were squiggly brows, which decided straight brows are boring and they should be wavy instead; and there were even Christmas tree brows, where each brow was painstakingly fashioned into a – yep, Christmas tree – complete with baubles and a star.

The fun doesn’t stop there though – apparently, we have metallic and bejewelled brows to look forward to this year.

Let’s file this one under beauty trends that never make it off Instagram.

Lollipop lips

Lollipop lips is the beautiful and subtle art of applying your lipstick… and then smudging it outside of the lines and all over your face. Obviously, it’s supposed to simulate eating a lollipop, however, I’d like to make a motion for a much more suitable and realistic name: Pash Rash Lips. I’ll also accept Blueberry Cruiser Lips.

Luckily, Pash Ras – er, Lollipop Lips – hasn’t wandered too far from the runway, or the hands (mouths) of Youtubers yet, but I fear it’s only a matter of time before we have to start looking at this in real life.

Nose hair extensions

That is not a typo. Nose hair extensions. Just let that sink in. NOSE. HAIR. EXTENSIONS.

Perhaps this is the next step in rejecting beauty norms? We no longer feel obligated to shave our legs, wax our underarms… why not let our (nose) hairs down too? It’s only natural. Oh wait, that one isn’t natural.

This trend involves the very delicate procedure of poking fake eyelashes into your nostrils until it looks like you need to borrow your dad’s nose hair trimmer.

Honestly, nothing is safe anymore.

Glitter roots

From the campsites of music festivals everywhere comes Glitter Roots, the next generation hair trend following on from fairy floss hair and hair jewels of seasons past.

Glitter roots was adopted mostly by *free spirits* at Coachella who aren’t opposed to covering their whole body in glitter, or sliding through the mud in their underwear.

Call me a wet blanket, but all I can think about is the week-long shampoo session that would be required to get the glitter out of your hair before going back to work on Monday. So not worth it.

Hair goals. ?: @thefoxandthehair

A post shared by Lucy Hale (@lucyhale) on

Furry nails

When it comes to our nails, most of us will try anything. In fact, we have. There’s been holographic nails, shattered mirror nails and floral appliqué nails, just to name a few.

Then in 2016, New York Fashion Week rolled around, and we were introduced to furry nails.

Like the name suggests, this trend calls for claw-like nails to be adorned with small pieces of fur, which might translate for a Libertine runway show, but most certainly not for real life.

I mean, it instantly removes one of the most basic human rights: eating a bowl of saucy chips. It’s just not okay.

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