6 legit fears I have when talking about fashion

I’M A FASHION FRAUD.

I have a confession to make: I’m a fraud. 

I’ve been parading among the fash pack for a while now, when secretly… I’m a fashion rookie. And not in a cute, Tavi Gevinson way. I mean in a I-only-recently-found-out-that-Céline-isn’t-Celine-Dion’s-personal-brand kinda way. I only bought my first issue of Vogue last… actually, I don’t think I’ve ever bought an issue of Vogue (please don’t shun me!)

As a relatively late adopter of the fashion world, I’m constantly wary of embarrassing myself in front of my more fashion-savvy peers. When the conversation inevitably turns to fashion, I spend half the time trying not to mix up designers or accidentally let it slip that I hate all form-fitting clothing. Meanwhile, I’m trying desperately to convey the same effortless insight into fashion as Leandra Medine. It’s exhausting, to say the least.

But in the interest of full disclosure, I thought I’d share a few actual legitimate fears I have when I talk about fashion.  

That I’ll mix up Anna Wintour and Anna Dello Russo

I know, I know. I suck. But seriously, two Annas? And they both currently work for iterations of Vogue? That’s just confusing. From what I can gather, Anna Wintour has a bronde bob (of which Tay Swift is a big fan) and is a little scary. And Anna Dello Russo is… also kinda scary. 

Sorry guys, I’m never going to figure this one out. 

That I’ll accidentally mispronounce Lululemon

I just can never get this right on the first go. Is it pronounced how it’s spelled? Or is it LuleMON? What about the extra ‘lu’? Somebody please help me. I’m more worried about how to pronounce the store’s name than whether my card will decline as I’m purchasing my Yummy-Mummy yoga pants and cool athleisure hat. 

I have the same fear about misspelling Zimmermann. Or is it Zimmerman? Zimermann? No, it’s Zimmermann. It’s gotta be. 

That I’ll let it spill to the fashion elite/my editors at Fashion Journal that I don’t really *get* Comme des Garçons

Don’t get me wrong, I love it. That deconstructed, totally bonkers approach to fashion is fantastic, but it doesn’t mean I get why people go so nuts over it. The wearable stuff is great, but those insane runway pieces, which they ironically call ‘ready to wear’, might be a little too much for me. (In saying that, their A/W ’07 padded hands collection was unreal and I want it all).

Oh and don’t even get me started on those MMM Tabi boots. If I wanted my toes to do the Star Trek salute, I don’t really think I’d need shoes to teach them how. 

That I’ll never truly understand the difference between a dungaree, an overall, a coverall, a jumpsuit or a pinafore

I think I get what a pinafore is. That’s the apron-like one, right? And a jumpsuit is just overalls that aren’t denim? But seriously, what the fuck are dungarees? I’m already struggling with the overalls and coveralls, but this is just getting outta hand – they’re all basically the same thing! Can we please just have one term?

(OK so I did a quick Google and apparently the only notable difference between a dungaree and an overall is that dungarees use heavier denim… sorry but that’s still really very confusing).

That I’ll lol at someone in a DHL shirt, only to be informed it’s actually a $300 Vetements shirt…

And then I’ll feel guilty. And then I’ll feel a little weird and sad for them because they spent $300 on a T-shirt you can actually request from the actual delivery service store for like… $14.99. 

I mean, I get this sort of post-post-modern twist on fashion that’s effectively taking the piss out of it all, but come on now. 

That I’ll let slip that I’ve never bought an issue of Vogue

Oops… too late. Sorry ’bout it. 

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