Australia’s Next Top Model Season 9, Episode 2

They woke up like this.

ANTM is back for episode two in all its hairsprayed glory. For those who missed episode one of season nine, now’s a good time to tune in. It’s not too late to find out what’s going on, but you have missed all the annoying intros of every single girl crying about their life struggles and why it means they really deserve to win. Who am I kidding, that will happen every week… This is reality television people; you need a sob story to survive. 

Tonight’s episode was pretty major, featuring a challenge from the world’s most talked about internet breaker (that’s Kim Kardashian for those playing at home.) But first, let’s open with models who look sleepy and totally normal, OMG no make-up on, they still somehow look flawless. Ayieda said it, “they woke up like this” people. Its Lauren’s b’day, that’s exciting. Let’s hope she doesn’t go home.

Now for the classic elimination talk. There is sombre music to remind us that they are all “fighting really hard this week.”

The door knocks. OMG it’s Jennifer Hawkins, who would of thought?  OMG girls you are in your pyjamas, how embarrassment.

This week is all about social media and making your model self into a brand. So, the challenge will be run by someone with 18 million followers. In the words of Alex “we know who this is…but who is it?”

OMG, OMG its KIM K!!!! Insert waterworks from Lucy. Models, it’s time to become real life Fashion Bloggers for the Kardashian Kollection, by choosing your outfits and taking an Instagram photo to beat your rivals. The stakes are higher than just the scoreboard though ladies, the winner is going to be featured on KK’s Instagram.

With new phones in hand, the capability to take selfies was well and truly tested, which is lucky because there is “no photographer, makeup artists, or stylists,” they have to take a photo like all of us regular humans.

It is time for the models to go pick clothes from The Kardashian Store in Sydney, where Alex provided us with well needed descriptions of the clothing store. “There were racks, racks of clothing. There were jeans and there were shoes…” Well, I can’t question her logic.

Background, pose and styling. Sounds simple yeah? But what is a challenge without a seemingly impossible and constraining time frame? Game’s on girls, GO. It’s like Boxing Day. Elbows and hip bumps everywhere, lookout. OMG if the shoes don’t fit you can’t get a photo, what are you going to do Ayieda? Stop freaking Lucy, we are on a time limit!

Once dressed in their snazziest outfits, it’s time to hit the streets to find the best location and lighting. Surprise, surprise, Ayieda is causing drama, and unlucky for her she is in the only group of three with a super stressed Alex. The other groups are being far less dramatic, and Lucy and her partner may win because they have “been friends SINCE DAY ONE,” that’s like a whole week or so people. Lauren has taken the genius approach of borrowing a strangers pug off the street, because who doesn’t love dogs? However sitting in a trolley probably isn’t as smart… Drama is constant, Alex does not like being compared to Kate Moss and Ayieda has had enough and is going to sit in a bus shelter instead.

 Now the biggest struggle, scroll through 6000 or so self-portraits to find the one Kim will find the most aesthetically pleasing.

Time to be judged. Anticipation is ripe; the girls really want an Instagram follower boost. The winner is Izi, reigning over Lucy’s cigarette background and Ayieda’s dirty dark photo. Sadly for Lauren, the pug outshone her.

And that is part one over, phew, that was intense.

Time to embrace a character and be shot by Nick Scott. Thank goodness they don’t have to do their make up this time around.

Tanahya is first, she is adorning a sparkly golden dress and taking in the washing so she is reminded about her horrible job as a cleaner, *sob*. Oh wait, now she is actually crying. Cheer up lady, you have a sexy American lad pepping you up. Ayieda is going to pose with some dogs so she looks strong. Only issue is she is super scared of dogs. Uh oh. Phoebe is playing the globe-trotter, which reminds her of her depressing childhood travelling around the world.

Do I sound like I’m not enjoying this? Because I actually really am, I don’t want it to end.

Time for some chat about last weeks scoreboard to remind us that the stakes are high. Brittany is having trouble finding a balance between her tomboy personality and model-self, *sob, sob, sob*.

Elimination time. See slow-mo montage and hairspray. This week’s guest judge is straight from the Fashion Police couch, so bring your best pics ladies. Self-doubt is setting in, can they handle Kelly Osborne’s critiques?

After being told off by Alex Perry for walking off her first shoot, Ayieda gets full praise from Jen and Kelly for photo shoot two. Note: Alex Perry is playing the bad guy this season. At least Kelly Osborne is not afraid to tell him off.

Lucy’s photo shoot is super cute and delicious (and not just because she is holding a yummy jam tart). Insert more commentary about how sad it will be to leave, and further stories about Tanahya’s job as a cleaner. Alex Perry won’t stand for those tears though. You go Alex Perry; you have me back on side. But Kelly definitely doesn’t agree, scoring her a perfect ten.

Cassie, I’m sorry but I think you are leaving; even Kelly doesn’t like this photo, you get a four. It’s down to Cassie and Phoebe. Cassie needs a seven to win, but Alex is the last to score, and he gives her a five. Sorry Cassie, it was fun while it lasted. Good luck out there with all us other people who aren’t on tv. Lana Del Rey’s Video Games really sets the mood.

OMG Jen has some surprise news?! I thought the episode was finished.

Brace yourself. It’s new contestant; she’s the selfie champion of Australia. What a bombshell. What a twist. OMG I did not see this coming.“THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.”