Everything you need to know about Feeld, the desire-driven dating app for couples and singles

“When my friends started discussing Feeld, the dating app designed for ‘exploration, curiosity and pleasure’, I was intrigued.”

Working in an environment with lots of young singles, I’m constantly bombarded with stories of the prospects and perils of modern dating. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and Grindr – I’ve heard rants and raves about them all. When I recently returned to the scene after a year-long hiatus, I decided to try a different approach to online dating.

Instead of downloading Tinder and spending months idly swiping on people I had little in common with, I wanted to experience a connection that went beyond “You up?” and “Add me on Snapchat”. I wanted to meet open-minded people with similar values and outlooks on life. So when my friends started discussing Feeld, the dating app designed for ‘exploration, curiosity and pleasure’, I was intrigued.

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With the tagline “Open-minded, meet like-minded”, Feeld describes itself as “a positive space for humans looking to explore dating beyond the norm”. With over 20 sexualities and gender identity options to choose from, Feeld is a pioneer in allowing couples to enter the dating world together.

My first time using Feeld

I created an account and sat down with other app users to discuss all things Feeld. With the help of Mandy* (she/her), who is in an ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationship and Julie* (she/her), who is queer and newly single, we explored the various ways Feeld can be used to develop connections, friendships and relationships.

When asked to sum up Feeld in a word, many users said “glitchy”. While the app is ground-breaking in many ways, it’s no stranger to frozen screens, lost messages and spontaneous crashes. Though, according to Mandy, this isn’t always an issue. “Because Feeld was so buggy, we moved onto text which I loved. It’s a great transition. You can just say, ‘Hey, my Feeld’s buggy, do you want to exchange numbers?’.”

What makes Feeld different?

While Mandy, Julie and their partners had used other dating apps in the past, Feeld was commonly considered one of the better options for LGBTQIA+ folk or those in ENM relationships. “I find with Tinder, people like to chat and [have] someone new on their phone but I don’t think much of that translates into real life. With Feeld, I’ve found it’s quite a quick progression to wanting to see someone in real life,” says Mandy.

Like any online dating app, some users may be more intense and forward than others. “It can be overwhelming, and people can be really intense about it because they want to get to the point and know, ‘Are we going to sleep together or not?’” says Julie. “I haven’t even met them, and they’re inviting me to a fucking orgy.”

While those on the app may have different approaches to communication, they tend to be of a similar mindset. “If they use Feeld, they’ve probably googled or had discussions around LGBTQIA+ dating apps or dating apps for open relationships,” says Mandy. “I find the people on there – be it couples or singles – are much more politically and socially aligned with my views. If they’re on [Feeld], they have to be.”

Desire-specific dating

In addition to the usual general interests, Feeld has a section dedicated solely to personal desires, allowing users to be as upfront as they want about the aspects of their sexuality they wish to explore.

Another significant difference you may notice is the read receipt or ‘seen’ function. As someone with 6,000-plus unread emails and 67 unopened texts, I hated it at first. However, over time, I’ve come to appreciate it as a tool that promotes authentic communication and allows you to prioritise matches that are genuinely keen to connect.

Despite the occasional boundary-pusher, most users had positive experiences to share – from first dates at Lido Cinema’s nude movie screening to relationships with ongoing polyamorous partners. So is it worth the fuss?

Communication and consent

My last few Feeld messages have been about fashion, travel, and consent. Someone on Tinder just asked me to pick a number between 0 and 100, and when I picked told me that’s how many “thrusts” I’d receive. I told him from a comment like that, I doubt he’d last more than two.

While I have had people on Feeld ask if I want to receive nudes, I’ve yet to be sent unsolicited photos or wildly explicit messages. This boils down to one of the main ways Feeld has been different from other dating apps – while people may be on there for reasons relating to sex and desire, communication is relatively transparent and respectful.

Described by The New York Times as “the hook-up app for the emotionally mature”, Feeld is a dating app beyond the norm. If you’re looking for an open-minded community and some sexy, consensual fun, it’s the place to be.

*Names have been changed.

For more on desire-specific online dating, head here.