I tried a couples therapist’s advice to fight with my partner in the nude

Could a moment of tension relief change the entire course of your argument? 

Did anyone else see that TikTok trend of women flashing their partners mid-argument as a coup de grâce? Breasts apparently have a 100 per cent success rate of ending and winning arguments. I know these videos are almost certainly scripted but they got me thinking: can something as shocking and intimate as nudity help defuse a fight?

A perfunctory Google search shows me that nudity as a tool to end arguments is probably an idea leftover from an era before coloured television came to Australia. Though a few Redditors swear up and down that nude fighting is the secret to a long and happy relationship, the tactic is hardly a science-backed approach.

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At best, stripping down during a fight gives you a moment to break the tension and de-escalate your emotions. At worst, it’s just… well, awkward. Nevertheless, I was intrigued and decided to try it myself.

My partner is truly one of my best friends in the world. He understands me better than anyone. Unfortunately, he’s also as stubborn and hot-headed as I am (hello, Scorpio-Taurus pairing!). So, when we have the odd argument, we have the potential to become each other’s worst enemy until we kiss and make up. 

A long time ago, we realised that we’re a couple that benefits from going to bed angry, or at least taking some space. Normally, if we’re fighting, one of us will swallow our pride long enough to suggest taking a short break. He’ll do the dishes, I’ll type away on my laptop and after twenty minutes or so, we’ll have cooled down and be ready to talk it out. Getting undressed seemed like it may have the same effect.

Before tackling this experiment, I wanted to talk to someone I trusted about what to expect, so I told my therapist about the idea and asked for her honest opinion. After we had a bit of a giggle, she told me there were four outcomes to fighting in the nude. From least likely to most likely:

1. It works – huzzah! Naked fighting solves every problem we ever have and we live happily ever after.

2. It leads to sex. Not the make-up kind, but sex that allows you to skirt around the real issue, leading to unresolved tension.

3. It’s super awkward. The fight ends, but only because we want to get dressed again.

4. It doesn’t happen at all because we’re too annoyed to start shedding our clothes in the first place.

I began to suspect that nudity isn’t the secret to harmony or winning (if it were, fashion houses would go out of business in the name of world peace). Still, I promised myself I’d keep an open mind. 

When I told my boyfriend about the idea, the word ‘naked’ was enough to get him on board. “Wouldn’t it be funny if we didn’t argue for the whole month?” he asked. “Totally,” I agreed – famous last words. Three hours later, we got into a fight. 

Spoiler alert: No one’s clothes came off. Later, we both admitted that we’d considered initiating it but simultaneously felt a strong internal resistance to even mentioning the experiment. I knew I’d feel completely disrespected if my partner had started stripping while I was speaking, and the thought of being physically vulnerable while emotionally defensive felt way too uncomfortable to me.

My partner felt the same. “If I had the capacity to take a beat and float the idea of getting naked in the midst of an argument, then I could have avoided getting heated and sidestepped the argument in the first place,” he said, “In the moment, all that mattered to me was getting my ultra-super-serious point across and getting naked felt like an obstacle to that.” 

In the name of science, we agreed to give the experiment another shot. And, strangely enough, it worked – though not quite as we expected. Any time one of us felt a bit annoyed or was visibly in a bad mood, the other would start unbuttoning their jeans and say, “Alright, let’s get naked then.” The tension would break every time without any actual disrobing, and I’m certain we’ve avoided at least a dozen silly scuffles because of it.

Fighting in the nude might not have been the ultimate conflict resolution hack for us, but your mileage may vary. At the very least, this could be an interesting thought experiment for you and your partner to try. How does the idea of arguing naked make you feel? How might it change the way you see your partner – or even your own point of view? Could a moment of tension relief change the entire course of your argument? 

Whether you go to bed angry or take a walk, strip down or threaten to, the goal is the same: find a way to hit the pause button and reconnect. 

For more on healthy ways to argue with your spouse, read this.